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This has been a curiosity of mine since I started to learn History of art and famous painters back in Uni, I myself have been struggling with mental illness from a long time and yet I can create art that amazes me sometimes, my main source of income are commissions, so I try my best to bring the client's idea to life, I guess the empathy and this creative mind of mine help a lot to understand an execute another's person ideas, but is it the same sensibility a double edge sword?
It's incredible the amount of artists who struggle with mental health, not only the famous stars like actors or musician but also Illustrators, plastic artists/painters like me, I have seen comic artists, concept artists, even graphic designers struggling so bad and I wonder, is it something related to our emotional and creative core?. Lately I've been like, ohh now I know why Vincent van Gogh ate yellow paint, now I know why people decide to end it rashly.
Our marvelous brain, our double edge sword, why it has to be like this? why to be this creative also means to be this easily broken?, perfectionism, procrastination, self doubt, imposter syndrome, I know those too well, and others colleagues working on the field too, it feels kinda comforting to talk with fellows artists about the struggles we all face and like I said it amaze me how common a mental illness is on this field. I guess the creative brain is fragile but strong at the same time... like a lotus flower even who grows and strives in the most disgusting mud, we also can create amazing and gorgeous pieces at our most lowest point.
Speaking of which I'm creating a series or "doodles" when I'm feeling REALLY bad, lately it's been difficult to even get out of bed, but gotta pay the bills... I'll be able to do some client work soon, hopefully, in the meantime, these comfort art pieces help me to ease my mind, it's not pretty, it is darker than what I normally produce, didn't even thought of sharing it at the time but I hope these doodles might help another person to cope, to feel seen, to feel understood, it's lonely when you're this low.
I drew this on my birthday a couple of days ago. I've been feeling really depressed on my birthdays since I was on my mid 20's, I'm on my early 30's now, and it's only getting worse, mostly 'cause of my expectations, of what society says I should have by now, on what successful means for others, of me trying to please everyone, those silly things make my anxiety grows, maybe that's what the butterflies mean, or maybe what I wanted to say is that there's still a hint of life and beauty in this dead body of mine, 'cause to tell the truth, when I'm having an episode I feel dead inside, like hollow, I know most of people struggling with the same illness feels this way. Anyhow, dunno what my mind tried to express with this drawing, I leave it up to you to give it the meaning you want and if you want leave a comment, would love to hear your opinion on this matter.
The medium I use for the art was digital: Clip studio paint and a XP Pen Artist 12 screen tablet.