Desperately running away

Spotting my desertion, finding escape from reality, from home, from them, dreadfully in need of some distraction for a while because this hysteria cause by this fluctuating acrimony and anger of mine started to envelope my whole existence, and words that shouldn't be heard is spitted out, and the guilt is hovering inside me but it never match the hatred I'm feeling in.

Is it weird to do stuffs I did when I'm coping up with my anger towards everyone,

I laugh and shake my head while thinking of what I did today because I'm so irritated and really hurt by my dear ones and my respect for them still doesn't lessen everytime they did that to me, of course I wont tell here why, I'm better on keeping it all for myself what happened, just I'm not in the mood to talk about it and just wanted to escape for a while,

So back to the topic haha, I did a lot of crazy stuff just to cope up and distract myself the whole day,

Listening to the various album of blackpink I have. Gosh my sadness just flew away like bubbles when I started to vibe at their songs specially when the kick it title track play on the speaker, it just makes me go vibe and enjoy the song and forget what I'm feeling right now,

When I already pall and bored at listening, I go watch their recorded concerts at youtube gosh, I can find my comfort really to them, also I don't want to talk to anyone and they are just really my comfort person today. I keep myself busy not entertaining anyone, I choose to isolate myself.

I just go run at treadmill for hours and tiring myself, cause I badly just want to get tired and fell asleep but I can't, so I run for hours, I look like a crazy running through a treadmill with mind overthinking but I kept trying on focusing on running to erase those thoughts of mine.

After tiring myself out, I took a cold shower and go to read some saved stories at my phone, until I fell asleep and I just woke up a while ago and decided to write this one,

The guilt is overcoming me right now, it supposed to be a special day for my mom, but it happened that we had a misunderstanding and yeah I'm at guilt side for ruining her day, I'm the worst daughter they had, a middle child indeed, a black sheep, I just say sorry and greet her at the end of the day, I don't know if we're okay now, gosh I made her upset, I messaged my mom and apologized for something I said to her that hurt her feelings, I know I'm a huge disappointment to this family but I still respect and love them, also I'm trying to be a good one but it will never be easy for me, especially that I'm no longer living at the same roof with my parents.

Anyways that's it for today, I'm not in the mood to think of some topic, so I just wrote down these feelings I have today. Hope you all enjoy your day specially to all mommies out there, Happy mother's day to all of you.

Lead Image source:

https://www.everypixel.com/image-7833338560503787335

Just want you all to remember that misunderstandings between our love ones exist and it's normal but the important is we need to maintain the respect and give time to talk about it, to fixed it, because relationships and live are the one who needs to be on top, we don't pet some misunderstanding ruined a great relationship.

Edited:

This one supposed to be posted on mother's day but I forgot it that it was in the drafts gosh, glad that we are okay now, it's just a bit of misunderstandings between me and my parents but yeah the important is we deal with it and we're fine now.