040122

Mind rumbling. Thoughts crashing. Nails bitten. I am trying to fit in my thoughts today. There's a lot to say but can't. There are a lot of ideas but can't. Something's bothering me, I know. I can't manage. I can't stop thinking all of them at the same time. I can't stop staring at something and doing nothing. I can't stop. Yes, I can't stop.

It's been 2 days that I haven't posted anything here. I don't know why. Bad day? Nah. Blank day, yes. Author's block? No, just I am completely spaced out.

I tried use the The Most Dangerous Writing App again. I did. I typed. Copied. Then I stopped right there. Why? I just don't feel like posting it. Plus I also had difficulty when I get into the website. It only lets me set the timer to 5min. Once I choose 10 or 15 minute duration, the site doesn't respond. Hmm. I just picked 5mins instead. What could I be doing wrong? let me know.

I tried to write about something that can perhaps light up my mood, that can light up anyone's mood. I failed. I tried to answer random questions or prompts saved on my bookmark list, but can't. I tried to write about a specific topic, I did, but I can't continue. Another topic saved on my drafts that I hope I can post and finish soon.

Time?

I know that I only have a few minutes to finish an article because I taking care of Lil B. The more she gets older, the more that she needs my attention. I am already noticing some things that she does when I am not fully attentive to her. I am sorry love. Mommy's gonna do better next time.

Her birthday is also coming up, next month she's gonna turn 1. We haven't baptized her too. We plan to do her baptism and birthday in one celebration. Yes, killing 2 birds in one stone. Thing is, I haven't prepared anything yet. Why? It's hard to plan something without my husband by my side. I don't want to be the decision maker when it comes to these things, it should be both of us. I find it hard why? Because husband is working. The reception doesn't cooperate in the province too. I hope that I don't rush her birthday celebration too.

Tasks

I feel there's so much to do all at the same time. I need to be a mom and be a wife.

I need to take driving classes. I need to plan Lil B's birthday. I need to sort things out for our house. I need to stop.

House?

Another thing that bothers me.

Friends?

I miss my bestfriend. I need her now. We can't talk to each other like before because of her partner. I hate her because of that. I hate people who treats their partner like they own them.

Sisters?

Another story, another feeling..

Money?

Sigh.

What should I do?

Dang it. Stress reliever? Yosi? Vape? Drink? Eat?

I can't do any of those. My stress relievers cannot relieve my stress now. Being a breastfeeding mom, I should be healthy enough so Lil B can get healthy milk.

Things that I can only do now to ease up is to bite my nails, eat, get out of the house for a few minutes or at least an hour cause I feel like Me-Time is Guilt Time, or play Mobile Mobile Legends.

That's all. Bye.