03.21.23

People come and go. Some people stay, some may become distant, and some feel like they never left.

Just a random post for today's blog. This is just about romantic relationships that I almost had. Just a little disclaimer, I am happily married. It just so happened that I had a dream about a specific person one night. Just completely out of the blue.

I always believe that dreams have meanings this time I don't know why and what it exactly means.

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight...

I just remembered that song because of the word dream hahaha! No romantic feelings are involved. What was my dream all about?

I dreamt of a friend/person who I used to like before I got into a relationship with my now-husband. Let's just call him Ervil.

It was weird for me as in my dream, Ervil and I woke up beside each other. Talked about things I can't remember and told me he wrote a song for me. We talked and talked while cuddling and went out, and took a bus to go somewhere. I caught him staring at me and then I woke up.

Who's Ervil?

Ervil and I were colleagues at my previous company. He was my seatmate during training and became one of my teammates when we were endorsed into the production floor. (I worked in a BPO company). Me being a boyish type of girl used to hang out with guys most of the time. We drink, hang out in the smoking area, and roast each other's personalities and lives. (mas gusto ko kasing kausap mga lalaki kasi walang plastikan).

Ervil was one of the people I used to talk to about shitty and silly things in life. Our conversation was purely about experiences and jokes. No malice. We only reply to each other's messages when we feel like it, when we have time.

I had a boyfriend at that time but ended up things with him because our relationship was becoming toxic (the gaslighter). Ervil was also one of the people who would try to cheer me up.

One day while we were chatting, he told me that 'inablat mo nga ako kanina' means in tagalog 'tinabla' or in English let's interpret it as snobbed? I didn't even know or felt like he was trying to do or say something. That line made think if he likes me or it was just an expression.

Days and weeks go by, we hangout but with other friends of course. Then I started to joke around and said I like him. That way, I won't be hurt if he really didn't like me. He didn't really say anything but rather say 'I'm just a nobody'. I admit that I felt kilig towards him. I was pretty honest of how I felt but we still remain friends. I don't really know how he feels but I felt like he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship and I let it be. I started fooling around and dating with other people, until I met my now-husband.

The relief

It actually happened right after he liked my current profile picture on facebook. It was just my baby picture.

I told a close friend of mine about my dream and told her that it was just so random. I decided to chat Ervil. I don't want to keep that dream to myself and not do anything because it will to my own confusion. I didn't tell him that I had a dream about him.

Now I am glad that I felt relieved because we still remained the same towards each other, as friends. We last chatted a year ago. We mainly talked about our how our lives has been doing, about how I got my license, how's his car doing, and what he's been up to.

Did I regret not pursuing him? No, because I am not the type of person who doesn't know if he likes me or not. I don't want a relationship with no labels.

Our relationship wasn't a situationship. It's like a fling but not a fling because we didn't even pursue anything. We just throw korny and punch lines and more jokes at each other.

Does my husband know? I didn't tell him or I don't know if I will tell him about the dream. I tell my husband every thing. We even still talk about our past relationships experiences. My husband knows that I have a friend like Ervil. I just don't know if he remembers hahaha!

Any questions are open charot!

This is just part 1 of one past that 'could have been but I don't want to' relationships and I will share another one soon.

Gondo yorn?

Anyway feel free to share any of your experiences too. Chika tayo below.

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