Alone time, me time, pamper time, whatever you wanna call it. We all do need a free time or ourselves. Time that we can relax, free our mind from all the worries, just a few hours or even minutes just to clear our mind.

Find time for yourself, that's what they say.

I remember the line 'we can never have it all'. It actually applies to every aspect in life, world even in universe.

Some people have time but don't have the money, some have money but don't have time. On a more challenging note, some even have both. They have both time and money, some doesn't have time and money. Same logic to other aspects like, lovelife, friendship, family, etc.

Where am I going with this? Hmmm I don't know to be honest. I guess I am feeling a little blue lately.

I always worry, I always think of certain things that are yet to happen or may not happen at all. Here are some reasos:

Doctor visit

The other day, my husband asked if when will I go back to hmy OB. I told him that after I gave birth, my OB told me to go back after 3mos for check up and papsmear. Then it came to a point that my husband got pissed in a very sarcastic way and ended the conversation that we will not get a health insurance, we'll get a funeral plan instead. Me being so mapangasar, told him that I don't need it any more, I already have one with cashback pa after 15 years. I laughed so hard that made him more even irritable.

Anyway, I didn't mean to stall to visit my doctor. It just so happened that whenever we tried to visit her, she wasn't at the hospital. But sometimes I do forget or I just let it pass as I don't feel anything severe, yet. My husband still feels irritated so he kept on repeating everything then I finally decided to agree to visit the doctor right away. Luckily, my OB has a clinic schedule the next day.

Yadah yadah yadah, papsmear done. Blah blah blah, consult and I told my doctor I am experiencing a dymenorrhea like pain, at least every week. She'll have the papsmear tested and see if there's an infection. Results aren't in yet, we'll know in 10days.

If there's an infection, I'll need antibiotics which I will then again spend money. That's what I am always worried about, since I don't have a job. I would always ask for my husband for money.

My little b is dehydrated

Last month, we went to the doctor (pedia) for her vaccine. Vaccines are really pricy, yes I know I can go to the brgy. health center for a free vaccine but I wouldn't risk that because of covid-19.

I also consulted to our pedia that little b has a pinkish stain on her diaper. The doctor told us that she's dehydrated. We just need to increase her milk or water intake.

I was actually shocked why could she be dehydrated. I kept on asking myself and remembering her feeding schedule. I'm a breastfeeding mom and I made sure to nurse her every 2,3-4 hours, but still she's dehydrated? My big question is why? What am I doing wrong? Did I miss something? Was she feeding enough?

Then I thought there must be wrong with my milk supply. By the way, since my stash is running a bit low I decided to do unli latch method. So if there's a morning or night that I can pump or if there's extra milk I can store it. Our pedia wasn't a breastfeeding advocate so she suggested to increase giving water, but little b is only 5 months. I did have doubts if I should let her drink water or not.

Low milk supply

I started asking myself why? What if I am running out of milk? So I pumped again, but this time I am only getting 1 to 3oz per pump even on a span of 3hrs, compared from my output before was 3 to 6oz per pump. Before she bottle feds during the day, sometimes direct latch but I was still able to pump more than what I have now. I'm thinking maybe she's drinking most of my milk because she's growing that's why my output is a bit low. She even spits out milk after nursing or feeding. How could she be dehydrated? Am I doing unli latch method differently?

What I can only notice is whenever I nurse her she falls asleep faster. Sometimes she even latches for a minute or two then stop. Of course, I let her latch again when it's nap time but again she falls asleep nursing in just one boob. Whenever I try to bottlefeed the milk, sometimes she refuses too. Unless she's really hungry. Could that be it? Are the supplements I am taking doesn't work now? Am I drinking water less? I even resulted to making my own malunggay tea powder. Instead of buying M2 malunggay drink which costs 250 per bottle and lasts a week.

After a week, the pink stain comes and goes. But her nappies are not that wet during the night. I am always keeping an eye on her nappies of it's wet or not. There were days that she didn't pee in the afternoon within 3 hours. By the way, we're using cloth diapers so I would know how wet little b's nappies are and I change diapers every 3 hrs.

Another week passed by, the pink stain wasn't there anymore but still less to no pee during the night. Same thing in the afternoon, sometimes there's pee, sometimes there isn't.

Now, I decided to bring back my old pumping routine. I know that it'll eat up most of my time and effort but this way I will be consistent and I can see and manage how much I feed her. Before I store at least 3.5 to 5oz of milk per bag, now 1 to 2oz per bag, that's for a 20min pump. For powerpumping sesh, (1hour pump), before I get at least7 to 8oz, now I get 3 to 4oz.

I am trying to pump 4x and latch. Even when she falls asleep in the afternoon, I do not remove my breast infront of her, so she can keep on latching too. Then after she wakes up, after an hour I pump again, then nurse her till she takes another nap. I also feed her what I pumped in between, then latch her again to sleep.

I hope this works out.

Less sleep

I am getting a little less sleep than the usual, since I gave birth. Usually, when little b naps in the afternoon I also nap as long as I finished doing what I needed to do. Since the pink situation started, I needed to continue nursing her or even pump while she's asleep. I wasn't getting my afternoon nap and even during night time, I wanted to sleep early but I can't and ended up sleeping at 1 to 3 or even 4am in the morning. I have a schedule to powerpump during 3am to 4am but for the last couple of days I was straight awake up until 3am. That's why I am trying to be active in noise.cash and read.cash because I can't sleep on schedule, but at least I am being productive so I can at least earn.

Almost defective cellphone

My phone has been having issues lately. The screen was coming off from its body and the only thing that holds them together is a double sided tape. I thought, well at least I fixed it but another issue came up. There are lines on my screen, there must be something wrong with the LCD ribbon due to its first issue that I thought I resolved. The lines on the screen goes if the screen is on for at least a few minutes but comes back when I lock the phone.

Recently, I've been using my phone to write and articles on read.cash and I hope my phone doesn't give up on me. Just stay with me until I have saves enough for a new one.

House/financial problems

Who doesn't have one.

Future

Settling down, my husband and I are looking for a house that we can somehow afford as we are starting a little family. This takes time and effort as well. The last time we visited a house, we didn't get a great deal and the loan wasn't approved. At least we tried, better luck next time.

Breakouts

Napakaliit na issue, but as a wife they say that we should also take care of ourselves. My husband doesn't mind me getting a few zits though, but my self confidence does mind. I've gain weight since I got pregnant and the least I can do is to take care of my face. Well due to inconsistent and less sleep, I am breaking out. I even got a pimple on my upperlip. Yes, that's awie. I don't have a regular skin care routine as I don't have one. The only product that works on my face is Safeguard and Top Gel (papaya soap from Watson's). Even if I have one, I am sure it won't be safe for lactating mothers. I will stick to safeguard and maybe don't forget to wash my face every morning and night.

Closing

Bath time is my me time. Doing laundry is sometimes my me time. Doing groceries has become one of my me time too.

In short, what's me time?

*Bilib ako sa mga working moms and all kinds of moms!! Lavern lungs!!*

Lead image from unsplash

Pictures posted are mine.