01-23-22

I didn't imagine that I'll become a mother, that I will have a child on my own. I have always thought of not having kids. Don't get me wrong, I love kids.

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I used to take care of my cousins/nephews and nieces, I even love to meet or play with my friends' or my cousin's kids. I think I was always the boyish, naughty, fun tita. I thought I was being a cool tita who takes care and fool around with kids.

Kids are really active, they have a lot of energy and I would always match their energy to play. I am an active person, that's maybe one of the reasons why I didn't gain so much weight then. I really love taking care of kids, playing with kids, tickling kids and making them cry and then laugh again hihi, just exactly how a tita would do.

Tita Yayay

When my sister gave birth, I became so excited that I can get to be a full pledged tita. I have a baby gorl to take care of, to play with, to make fun of. My sister had a C-section too due to her gestational diabetes and my niece stayed in the hospital for 10days more. While my sister recovers from her C-section, I would carry my niece almost every minute. Dance with her, listen to music with her, watch movies with her and put her to sleep. I was the 2nd mother and my parents and sisters started to call me Tita Yayay because I turned to be the nanny or Yaya. Most times I don't want to give her back to my sister unless she needs to feed.

I sometimes style her hair too!

I remember training her how to stand up on her own every night before she goes to sleep. When I say 'Up Up' she'll get up and try to balance on her own.

I also used to make videos every month for her monthly celebration because I was an overwhelmed tita. I made videos for her up until her 8th month and stopped because we found out that I was pregnant. I wanted to make videos for her up until her 1st birthday but I wasn't able to. I can still make videos for her but being pregnant made me very sleepy and my back aches when I sit for a long time. I can't edit using the pc and I don't have a laptop to use for editing videos so I stopped.

I remember my sister always tells me not to carry my niece anymore as I am pregnant but I still can help it. I always want to play with her, but what I can do is to put her to sleep sometimes.

Instead of my sister wearing a twinning dress with my niece, I was the one who wore it as if I am her mother hahahah! My sister always tell other people that I am her mother in Marikina. hihihi

I remember our routine whenever they visit us and stay for a week. If she wakes up early, I will get her and prepare her breakfast too then watch some Kpop songs early in the morning. That's why she would always dance whenever she hears songs hihi.

Tita-ness

I really find being a Tita fun. I would always make babies or kids cry and console them after. I can't resist their cuteness hihi. One wonder of being a Tita is you can always give the kids back to their parents. Iam sure every Tita and Tito can relate. It's fun to tease babies and see how cute they react or act. Until I had a baby of my own.

Motherhood

Since I already have a kid on my own, I can definitely feel the big difference being a mother than being a Tita. Well of course being a mom fills your heart with joy bringing a child in the world. However, you'll feel the difference physically and mentally how exhausting it is. Don't get me wrong, it's fun to play with my own daughter but I can't rest enough. Aside from playing with her, I have to do other things and feed her which really eats up most of my energy.

One more thing is I am not used to be with someone 24/7, literally. I am not a clingy type of person or even as a girlfriend. I really value my alone time. What's even harder is my husband works in the province I don't have someone to hug whenever I feel exhausted. I would really love him to be with us huhu.

Anyway, being physically present 24/7 to Lil B is very new to me. Sometimes I feel bad that I always think that I want to get away for just a few minutes. Whenever I do the laundry, taking a bath, doing groceries, I always think of take time or not rushing to finish what I am doing so I can have at least an hour of ME time. Mothers definitely need this, and I am lucky enough that I can steal a few minutes or hours so I can keep my sanity. However, whenever I hear her cry (cry of abondonment) I want to finish what I'm doing. Sometimes, I also feel guilty doing that.

Mommy-Tita

Lucky me, I already know how to play with kids and babies that I turned out to be a Tita and Mommy, all-in-one. Oops should I say, Mommy-Tita. HAHAHAHAH!

Whenever I have more energy I make sure to play with her. I would always kiss her and tease her at the same time.

I would always play with her cheeks or play bite her. Hihihi I always make sure to make fun, I mean play with her.

At her age now, she already starts to try to speak her own language and reacts to some things. She always say oooowooooo (uwu) hihhihi. What I love is she doesn't cry out loud immediately, she will start to give a sad face-nearly-about-to-cry-uwu look like this

She really looks cute and she babbles her own words as if she's explaining or pleading, but she doesn't cry very loud.

I really find it cute that I almost want to make her cry everytime hihi. Chos lang!

It was very hard to be a mommy and tita at the same time as my mother most of the time scolds me of letting her cry, huhu but she really cute ih.

*I don't really let her cry that long and if she cries with tears of course I will kiss and hug her*

Anyway, I am also happy that baby sitting my niece or nephews somehow served as a training for me before I had my own child. Babies and kids are always close to my heart. (wag lang yung mga salbaheng bata, baka batukan ko sila hahaha)

I am having a hard time how to close this article as my legs are numb. Why?

Yeah, that's the reason.

Advise?

My advise to moms or first time moms, don't forget to have fun with your babies or kids. I know you're exhausted but you, yourself needs to have fun too and you can do it together with your babies. They are really attention seeking little beings. Give them attention that they deserve, one day when they grow up and have a life of their own, you will miss giving them attention and will eventually turn the other way around.

Don't forget to be a friend or a tita to your own child. I remember what my cousin told us when we were having a conversation about my father's siblings. Some of our aunties and uncles are cool titos and titas but they are not a cool father. So make sure you can be both, while you still can and of course with limitations.

Lead image from unsplash, pictures posted are mine.