032322

A sudden realization of life hit me just the other week. Being a first time mom, I was excited and at the same time challenged on how my life will be. It was a total adjustment from 0 to 10. Not what I imagined but I at least I got a heads up from some people in my life on how my life would be once I become a mother.

Lil B just turned 10months and honestly I've been counting on how long my life has changed from a careless, idgaf person that I was, to a trying-hard-to-be-a-responsible mother.

I know that life of a mother is hard, from my mother's experience, to my sister, to my friends and my other relatives but I can't emphatize because I wasn't a mom yet. All I know was it was harder to control a toddler than infants. It's hard to raise a child but what I didn't know is it was different from taking care of a child and taking care of your husband or just simply to be a good wife.

See that? How are we gonna do that? How are we gonna be happy in a certain or different aspects of life?

Have I told you that I wasn't blessed with lots of patience? I do love challenges and adventures but being a mother is different, being a wife is different.

Last week my husband went home again and he would always thank me for taking care of Lil B. He knows and feels that I am tired. That's what I also love about my husband, he appreciates and acknowledges my efforts as a mother. When he thanked me for taking care of our baby, I told him 'It's not a big deal, I can adjust so she can be healthy. Pero ang hirap pala maging asawa at nanay at the same time. Di ako prepared, pero I can get by.'

That thought passed my mind when we attended a wedding in Cabanatuan. I don't know what to do. Of course, priority is taking care of Lil B but how can take care of my husband at the same time. I felt rattled, tired, rushed, restless and other words that you can describe. Imagine we just went on a short road trip and I am already tired and restless, what more for those moms who are working in the office and at the same time taking care of their kids, those moms who had to work 2 jobs. I even told my husband when we had a small fight, 'hindi ko na naaasikaso si bb ng maayos'. I want to do things for my husband at the same time I needed to be a mom. For the record, my husband does help me in taking care of Lil B and preparing our things but he is so relaxed that it usually takes him longer to finish.

I admit that I want to have an alone time or date with my husband, it's been a while since went out on a date. We can't even celebrate our first wedding anniversary together because of his work. I also feel like I am failing as a wife.

I also felt sorry for my husband because I know he feels like she doesn't know how to take care of Lil B and everytime he comes home he would tell me 'Hon ang laki na nya noh, dati takot na takot ako buhatin sya ngayon nanapak na.' I would always laugh and tell him, kaya nga we needed to be together na and I think she's big enough so I can already manage chores at home.

I am also happy that when my husband comes home, the Lil B gets very excited and would only come to me if she needs more comfort or milk but most of the time she likes to be with daddy. She's even more maarte when daddy is home, she's like making pacute everytime.

I am really thinking that I am gonna be the Kontrabida hahahah. One time I let my husband feed Lil B her breakfast and Lil B did something then my husband told me 'Hon si bb oh, pagalitan mo nga'. I told him, 'nako eto na simula na ata ako maging kontrabida hahahha!'.

Now that my husband is back in the province, Lil B's crying more and I feel like she's looking for daddy, which kind of breaks my heart a little. Don't worry lil B, daddy's is in the cellphone hahaha!

I just want to have a short message for all the boys/men, father, boyfriends out there.

Do not forget to appreciate, acknowledge your girlfriend or mother's efforts.

Kudos din sa mga single dads out there!