Traditions..

If you're living with your parents and you get the counsel or should I say pep talk from time to time then you would be able to relate with what I'll be saying tonight. As much as I enjoy these counsels and discussions, today is a very different case in particular because my views and theirs are quite different.

My evening today is a usual evening we have in my house on very good days and today seems to be one of them. Discussion with family usually doesn't start with a particular topic but it sure did take a more heated turn when my mom brought up the issue of not marrying from certain tribes in the country because they have inhumane traditions.

I was not pleased with the statement cos one thing I hate is to be told or warned that I should not bring home a man just because of where he comes from which was not his choice nor something he could control. I wasn't surprised that my mom said it, because I knew she never really liked people from that part of the country but what shocked me was the fact that my sister was in support of it too.

I got so angry that one would think my boyfriend was from the tribes in question but that wasn't the case. I was displeased because something that I detest, a mentality that I feel should be abolished from the world was being held by two people I love and as Nigerians would say in pidgin, I just weak!

Why? Why just hate people because they found themselves in an ethnic group that they were born into, why detest them so much that marrying them was worse than hell fire?

As I asked the above question, my mom said she didn't hate them but the customs and traditions that they practice.

So to be civil and understand their point of views, I asked what their reasons were for this stereotype that they hold and they gave me a bunch of reasons. My said said and I quote..

I can't marry from that part of Nigeria because they have bad traditions that do not really align with God's word. They pretend to be who they are not to get you to marry them and then once they have, you start seeing another side of them that you never thought you would. Truth is your husband may not really know these things but when the time comes, these people will knock on your door and will not stop until they have their way. Just like that you can kiss your happiness goodbye and before you ask me how I know these things, I have heard too many stories and they can't all be lying.

Even though I kept arguing with them that they are not allowed to label any tribe as bad cos all tribes have their good and bad sides that we can't know, I later had to ponder on the things they said cos there were valid points.

I have heard and was remembered today that some tribes in Nigeria still eat people. I used to think this was false but my mom would not even let me say it was false out loud before she began to shout that I should not be stubborn and listen so I won't die young and bring her tears and so on. Infact I had to shut up while she narrated the first hand experiences that she had and I was careful not to say anything or even make any weird facial expression.

Truth is, we all have part of our traditions that do not sit well with us. It's a tradition right now for some people that when someone dies, they have to kill cows and throw the best party and sew matching outfits and more. Imagine all this for someone's death. This someone could have starved all the days of their lives and yet a lavish party was thrown on their behalf.

Some people renovate and paint the house of the dead person to make it finer for the guests that would attend the burial. The dead person meanwhile, had been living in that house like that for years without any improvement from SE family members.

All of these traditions may not measure up to killing and eating people, or abandoning children if the wife refuses to do the necessary rite of passage and so on, but they are considered bizarre, depending on who's evaluating.

I am not saying that there are no bad traditions and tribes, I have been told not to say that but all I'm saying is no one is entirely good. Therefore to me, it is wrong to say my daughter or son can't marry from ABCD but from EZK God forbid!

I just hope that all this back and forth will stop someday cos I feel it has done more harm than good.

Lead image source..

Author's Epilogue

I had a good time with my family today. Somehow I missed my dad a little okay maybe alot, cos nobody had my back as my sis was supporting mom and I had to defend myself alone. She betrayed me today!

Somehow, I think my mom is still scared cos of the way I spoke. I can still hear her say I'm very stubborn and won't listen even till now( when writing the article)

I'll make sure to tell her tomorrow that I have no plans of bringing any tribe she doesn't like home, at least for now😁

Thanks for reading!

Mhizutty the voice of truth 🎵🎶🎵