Tuesday: Full of Disappointment

Hello crazy dreamers 👋👋 How are you guys? I hope that your Choose- day is somewhat memorable and you didn't experience the disappointments that I've been through today. If you can read to my title ,there's nothing special about this article instead it is full of rants ahha. So you can skip this one if you want or you can still read it to know the reasons behind.

Yesterday, I can't able to publish an article because I'm busy on my thesis paper. Actually even it is group thesis, I still need to manage my groupmates and respond to their questions. I already give an assigned task to every members and I'm glad that they cooperate to me well. I sleep at 3:00AM after I edit all those thesis proposals. Because I have a 7:30AM class, I need to woke up by 5:30AM. So I only have 2 hours and more sleep. Actually, my head is so painful but I still urge myself to clean the house because I want to help in household chores somehow.

After I finished, I prepare myself for attending the class. Honestly every Tuesday, I am a little bit nervous because of our Thesis prof. She is the terror and every students wish that she doesn't became their prof. And honestly I'm one of those students because I already knew her. She became my professor when I was 1st Year and most of my classmates have trauma on her. She speaks those hurtful words in front of students like " Hangal, stup*d and brainless ". Yes, when she saw something that is not pleasant on her eyes, she immediately said that words. I remember before that she notice that one of my classmate got a low score on her exam, she said that " My goodness. You are so brainless". Even I'm not the one who is being called like that, I can still feel the pain of my classmates especially that I understand her because that prof did not teach anything that time , she only gives activities when she attend the class. Self study definitely.

But it seems that we are destined to her, she is our prof in Thesis subject. Earlier we have a class and she greeted us with a shouting voice. She always like that, she shout everytime. Then she discuss the introduction but suddenly her internet connection got lost. She seems so irritated until she got mad on us without any valid reason. She shout and said " It is your fault why my internet connection got lost". Like what? We don't do anything about her internet connection but she blames us for that. She got so annoyed to the point that she shout over and over again. One of my classmate volunteered if she can share the presentation so my prof didn't need to use two gadgets at a time but my Prof respond " I don't like to share my presentation. You only used it to cheat". I don't know why she said that because we all know that after the discussion, she actually send it to Gclassroom. So my classmate didn't push to help her because it seems that our prof didn't want any help from us.

Despite on his unstable connection, she still proceed to her discussion and to be honest, we don't understand anything because she is like a robot. Her voice is not so clear so we informed her about it and she got mad again on us. Because of that she decided to have a class everyday even it is not her schedule. She even said " It is your fault mga hangal". So we need to adjust our schedule for her. Earlier , she is already overtime for about 2 hours but we can't do anything because we are afraid to her. Because of this we can't attend to our next class , good thing that our next professor is so understanding and he lets us to continue to our Thesis discussion.

Our seniors already warn us about her. They also experience the same thing that we experiencing now. They even said that prof give them a grade of "5" or "7". Even they passed the thesis early, they still get that grade because that prof didn't give back the paper so they can't edit it and they can't have oral defense. Everytime they approached that professor, she only said " You didn't deserve to graduate". Of course, everyone wish to graduate on time but it seems that she didn't want that idea. Because of it, I'm afraid to what might happened on our thesis. I also heard that when she is not in the mood , she immediately reject the proposals. Hayst, I really wish that she is in the mood when checking our proposals.

Actually, there is so many students who attempts to report this prof because she is not a good influence and model to us. But sadly, she has a great connection to the upper and she is the right hand of our Dean. So we can't do anything but to cry and pray. She is also the one who check the professor's evaluation ,so she can read bad comments about her. She even said to us " Don't give me a low score on evaluation. I didn't deserve that because I'm your prof". She threatening us earlier so I can understand why some students choose to drop out.

Honestly, I'm so disappointed on her. As a professor, she should encourage us to strive more not on giving us a hard time on her subject. She should motivate us somehow but we received so much stress and struggles. A major attack to our mental and emotional health. A professor that is not good to be a role model. Somehow, I also disappointed to our University because they let this kind of professor to be part of them. I know that she have a high educational degree but they also checked the attitude of every professor. I believe that teaching skill and attitude is what most important the most. I'm so disappointed to the point that I want to cry right now but I also think that it is not worth it. On the other hand, I also need to be strong and motivate my groupmates to show their best even it is unappreciated by our professor. She becomes our prof for about 1 year so crying now is too early. I also need to utilize my time well if I want to get some rest now. Hayst, I can't say anything but I'm so really disappointed. 😔

I'm sorry this article is full of rants, I just want to burst out all the worries and problems that I carry right now. I'm praying that I and the whole sections that she handled will passed this Thesis subject . May everyone have an extra courage , determination and patience to continue this subject . We don't want to repeat subjects because of her.