In order to Live again

" I want to experience to be live again. I'm not complaining but I just want to feel and enjoy my teenage life".

This words always running on my mind. I told to myself that even though I have a responsibility to my family, I still make some time for myself. Am I selfish for wishing that? Everytime I tried to escape my reality in a bit and enjoy my self companion, I heard many rumblings on the other side. That I have no rights to do that because I'm the eldest among the siblings so that I have a responsibility to help my parents. As I've said, I didn't complain about this because I'm glad that I can able to help but I believe that sometimes I also need to give some spare time for myself. I'm only a human too, I tend to be get tired and demotivated but it seems that they didn't understand how I feel.

Since I was 10 years , I started to stretch my bone not literally not exercise but what I mean is I started to work. Yes, I work instead of attending in school. I work as a carwash boy in the morning and a dishwasher in the evening. Imagine, I was supposed to enjoy my life that time as a kid but I need to do that for my family. I have 7 little siblings that need to buy some foods. Some of you might asking " Where's your parents? They should be the one who fulfilled that obligation". But unfortunately, I'm so unlucky to have a parents like them. Don't get me wrong but I still respect them but I can't deny that I started to get mad on them. My mother leaves us when she found out that my father is a drug addict. She save herself first and she let us to stay with this kind of father. While as I've said my father is an addict, he always asked some money for me and if I don't give some to him, he will hurt my younger siblings. Sometimes he punch or slapped them. As their brother, I don't have a choice but to follow his order. I can't let my siblings be hurt because of them. I want my siblings to get out here, they didn't deserve to witnessed this kind of life.

It seems that I owe a lot to the world because it gives so much challenges to me. I'm now a 18 year old and nothing's change. I'm still a puppet on my father's hand. There's a time that I save some money for my siblings, I want to send them in school. I have a dream for them and I want them to be successful ones. But my father know about it so he immediately punch me over and over again. Not only that, he also grabs one of my younger brother and he do the same. He punch him until the last breath. I want to punch him but I can't stand because of the wounds that I have. It's so painful to see your brother be killed by your own parent. He was supposed to take care of us, providing for us but then again he choose his vices over us. Now, I regret to have a father like him. I want to killed him but I also think about my other siblings. They also needs me and I promise to myself that I will not be like them.

I envy those teenager who really enjoy their teenage life where in there only problems is their love life and academics. Despite, I want to give my siblings a complete family but I'm not capable to do it. Now I made up my mind and make the biggest decision in my life. I hope my siblings will understand this actions of mine.

I heard the siren of the police and it's about time for it. They suddenly went off to the car and arrest my father. Yes you're right, I'm the one who call the police to do that. Am I bad for doing that? While he was being arrested, I saw that my other siblings also cried because they still didn't understand what's happening. They still have an innocent mind and they thought that our father is a good one. I look at my father, he was surprised that I can do that to him. He was also teary eyed and it seems that they want to tell something to me but I speak first telling " Don't worry, I'll be a good brother to them. I will take care them and give the best life that you can't able to give to us. So please Papa, give this opportunity to build that happy life without a threat coming from you. And please give us the justice that we deserve". He didn't talked back instead he immediately get on the car while sobbing. I didn't want to have an ending like this but it seems that it is the only way for us to live again.

Also I'm hoping that when the right time comes, my siblings will fully understand why I do that decision. I hope that they didn't blame me nor be mad on me. I just do this for their sake. I promise to them that from now on, everything will be alright.

Remarks!!

I was honestly don't have a certain topic earlier so I just put on my earphones to listen some music and let my hands to do its work. And I also surprised that I able to make this one. All of it is only a work of my imagination and yes you are right that I'm listening to a sad songs that's why my article is a bit sad too. I don't know why but I becomes more motivated to write everytime I heard sad songs. But I hope that mo one experiencing this kind of situation. I wished that everyone here also their life now. Maybe there's a struggles you've been facing right now, but don't worry because even the rain has its ending so just holding on. 😊