I tried but they're Back again

I thought that I already overcome

But yet, they are all coming back

Hunting and suffocating me again

I can't breathe, no I can't breathe anymore

Even I run away, it's too late

Because the freedom that I want, could only happen in my imagination.

Looking at the ceiling together with the sound of sad melody. The sound that gives me a chance to cried out loud. I thought that this scene will never happen again because I'm already okay. I thought that I'm already overcome this phase on my life where I pitied myself. I thought that I could be able to breathe and be fine. I thought that I can but it seems that all of them is just an illusions. The sadness and fear is still hunting me repeatedly. I still locked myself on the four corners of this room, hoping that no one could never hear my mumblings and cry. I'm tried but this is the only thing that I can do at least. Because I'm too scared to get out because They're back again.

They're back again. Those memories that I want to rid off because of the painful things that it cause to me before. I don't want to recall any of it but now, they gradually coming back and hurting me much deeply. Even I in dreams, it hunting and hurting me. It seems a knife that stabbed me numerous times and I couldn't afford to fight against it. I thought that I able to make myself free from those heartbreaks but unfortunately, at this moment it's still here. Maybe, I just learn how to feel numb for the meantime but the reality, it hurts me on a most silent way.

They're back again. Those scars and wounds that I try to heal. I thought that by putting some band aid,it will be gone soon but it still look the same. The scars even scratched on my heart again. I thought that I already forgive but it seems that I still not able to move on. I already run away from this but I guess I'm wrong. At some point, I can't still control my feelings. I hate this because when I am hurt, I know that I could say bad things to others. When I am hurt,I tend to judge them easily. I wished that I'm not the only one who suffering from this pain and I'm so sorry for that. It honestly not my intention to do that. I even distant myself to them but at the end, I'm still hurting them. And more, I even hurt myself.

They're back again. Those people who can't understand me. Those people who doesn't know me but it seems that they want to bury me. Those people with a scary glared, judging me even I didn't know anything. I hate it when I pushing myself to be understood by them. When I'm trying to voice and explain my sides but their ears are already close for me. I thought that I could avoid them but it seems so impossible because even the people I choose to surround me, do the same. I choose to trust them without knowing that they are the source why I become bad on other's perspective. I tried to believe on them but they can't even believe on me.

They're back again. The stage where I'm having a self doubt and full of disappointment on myself. Asking if I even have a progress or I'm just still the same. The kid who is crawling and still knowing nothing about life. I couldn't know how to celebrate happy moments at all because I'm full of sadness. I don't know what success mean because I believe that I'm already a loser. A loser that will grieve and only want to rest. Rest for life so I will not be problematic on what might happen on my tomorrow.

They're back again. Those moments when I always pushing myself on my limits. I believe that I don't have any right to get tired. I believe that I should do everything within a time. I set time limit for everything. It seems that I'm rushing in my life.

And I'm back again to the worst phase of my life. To the stage that I don't want to have. I want to overcome but I think sadness fits me well. I want to run away but it seems that I have no fuels to do it anymore. Everything was coming back to me. The feeling of being worthless, the negative thoughts running my mind. I'm back again here, to the deep ocean where I got drowned before.

P.S. It's only a product of my mind and no personal feelings attached lol.

Greetings!!

Good evening fellow dreamers of read cash Universe. How's everyone here. I guess we're all busy because after long vacation, we are back on reality. We are facing on paper works, deadlines and classes again. Even it's a busy and hectic day to us, I hope that you can still able to rest even for some minutes. Don't stress out yourself too much. Enjoy the rest of your night and have a peaceful sleep later