I missed the Old her

As we get older ,we tend to become forgetful. We gradually forget small things and worst, sometimes old people forgets their love ones. Is it really the cycle of a human being? The old seems to go back into an innocent child were they don't know anything. They eyes are so innocent. Their memories goes tot he point that they can't even remember those happy moments with us.

Since yesterday, I was so heartbroken. Not because of the romantic relationship but because of what happened to my grandma. She is already 82 years old and sometimes she tend to forget everything. My cousin who works in Dubai visited us her in Manila. When she was young, my grandma is the one who taking care to her, basically she is one of the favorites of my grandma. But yesterday when she hugs my grandma , my grandma suddenly looked at her and let go to her hugs. She even asked " Who are you? Why are you hugging me?" Since I am one of those people who always with my grandma, I already noticed that she's became forgetful. Maybe it is also a sign of aging. But I can't believe that she can't remember her granddaughter. My cousin immediately cries because our grandma didn't recognize her. She explains everything to my grandma but she is not convinced. She answered that her granddaughter is still a child. That my cousin lies to her because her granddaughter is still in school. Ending, we both cried in front of her because I know that my cousin really missed my grandma. She tends to surprise her but unfortunately she is the one who was being surprise but not a good surprise though. The only person who stay with her before is the first person who forget her now.

Earlier, my grandma was mad on me. Honestly, I don't want to be insensitive to her but I also couldn't take to see her crying and waiting for the person who didn't able to come back. I saw her hiding foods in the tupperware and I asked her "La, for whom is the food that you keep there?" Then she suddenly answered " It's for my son, Mar". And the next thing that I did is to go to the comfort room to cried out loud. Because the person she is referring to is my Dad who is passed away for almost 2 years now. I'm so happy that she never forgets my Dad but I'm so broken because she can't remember what happened to him 2 years ago. When I go outside the comfort room, I saw her looking at me and she asked why I'm crying. At first, I said to her that it is not a big thing but she forced to know the reason behind my tears. As much as possible, I don't want to tell to her because I know that she got mad on me but I explained on her that the person she's waiting for is already gone. My Dad was already died a years ago. Then she hit and got mad on me because it seems that I make her son passed away.

" Don't say that, my son will go back to me".

"My son is not a coward, so for sure he is still alive"

" You are just hiding your Dad. Maybe he have a surprise for me that's why he is not come home yet".

Hearing those words makes me feel broken. Me too, I was hoping that he would come back to us but it is really impossible because he is already happy in heaven. Until now, grandma is mad on me. I'm the only one who is taking care her now because my Auntie went to my other Auntie's house while my sister and other cousins have their work. She is still there at the terrace , waiting for my Dad to comeback. I want to be strong in front of her but I can't because I'm not used to see her like this. It seems that the old her is hiding within. I missed the old her.

One time, I'm attending to my online class while other people here is also busy on doing something then suddenly we noticed that she cried and she even said that she wants to rest forever. Even though that she is being like that now, I don't want to let go of her. I still want to make memories with her even she can't remember it later. I want her to witnessed me for being a successful in the future. It's okay if she will not remember my success but her presence is a big thing for me. I'm willing to take care of her though it's hard sometimes especially when she have tantrums and breakdown. I still want to be with her because she is always with me before .

But I can't also deny that I missed the old her. The old her where I can freely shared my problems and she immediately gives me an advice or solutions on it. I missed the old her where she always cooked food for us especially when she knows that I will going home from school. I missed those moments that she sang a lullaby even we are old enough. I missed when she protects and defend me to my parents everytime I commit a mistakes. I missed this memories when she always allows me to play outside and when she teach me how to ride a bicycle. I still not able to learn it though but the memories behind it is so priceless. I missed the old her, she becomes my number 1 supporter on my acads before. She even make a coffee when she knows that I need to finished my activities until the dawn. She is one of those persons who asked how am I and always hugs me whenever she felt that I carry burden within me. I missed the old her but I also need to accept the fact that maybe it is a cycle of human being. We tend to forget some of the important things to us before.

I'm not certain, maybe next week, months or after a year, she will also forgets me. I hope that she will not. But this is life maybe if that happened, one of the first thing that I will do is to hug her because maybe a mind can forget but I believe that heart cannot. Our mind forgets but our hearts treasure those memories and person forever. If she will able to read if even I know that it is impossible, I want her to know that I love her so much. We tend to misunderstand each other but my respect and love for her is bigger than I have on my life. How I wish that I could still have and keep her until the end.

So for those who still have their grandpa and grandmas on their life, please treasure and love them because we are not sure that they will still remember us tomorrow. Make them feel that they got you when they need a help and care. Love them above all.

All images source: Unsplash

Greetings!!!

Hello dreamers 👋👋 How's everyone here? Still coping and fighting in life right? I hope that everyone is in good condition. As for me , I will not say my feelings and thoughts because you could imagine it just by reading my article. Enjoy the rest of the night dreamers, have a good night sleep then🥰🤗