Am I already selfish for ignoring her message?

Good evening dreamers!! How's your week so far? I hope that you are productive but able to rest though. I know that we are busy to hustling and working but don't also forget to take a break sometimes. Your health should be your top priority.

Type, delete, type again then delete again. That's what I actually do since afternoon. I don't know if I should reply to her messages or I keep to ignore it. Actually I'm not like this, I am a kind of person who instantly replied to someone especially if I know that it is urgent. But of course that man in my article last day is exemption to the rules because I don't want to replied to him. It's my intention because I don't want to give motives to him so I really ignore his messages. But it's not about of him but my schoolmate. I don't know if she really don't know about it or she just only rely on me everything about acads.

Let's call her MJ, she is my classmate during my 1st year college. She is my seatmate so somehow we became close to each other. Unlike me who is a talkative, she is a shy person in school but still handle to interact with others. When the pandemic hits, we are still keep in touch through chatting. I can say that she is more talkative in chats rather than in personal. When she have inquiries about acads, she will immediately chat me and I'm willingly help her. It's a small thing for me and I'm happy to help her. Aside from that, we somehow exchanging our rants and personal whereabouts and happenings. I can't deny that I treat her as one of my college friend.

As a friend of course I always make myself available to help. She always asked me to help her to her reports and sometimes I am the one who did her report because she didn't understand it at all. I explain every topic thoroughly but I guess sometimes her mind and focus is not on me so tendency, I will repeat it again since from the top. At the beginning it is really okay with since I believe that what's friends are for. Friends really want to help each other and I want us to both graduate on time. But I didn't expect that as our years level up, she will also rely on me that much. I'm not overacting here but during our 3rd year which is last year, I am the one who did her reports on all subjects. Sometimes, I also the one who did her assignments. It's hard for me since I need to make two different essays for me and for her because I don't want our prof said that we copy each other's answer. I don't want to say this but I realize that she seems don't put an effort for her report. It seems that I spoonfeed her with so much information to the point that she became too dependent on me. I blame myself for that to happened. I hate myself and it's my fault because I let her to be dependent on me and prevent her to learn to stand on her own.

I suddenly realize and asked myself if I let her abuse me for being such a kind friend. I didn't regret any help I give to her but now, I am hesitant to help her again. We are 4th year now, last year of being college student and I don't want her to leave her college life depending on someone. I want her to learn on how to make her own report and understand it well. Earlier she chatted me and asked me again to do a report on one subject. I replied to her that I ma busy cause I have a lot of upcoming reports this and next week. She is so persistent and she said that she knows that I can handle everything plus her report. That moment, I only ignore her messages. It not my intention to do that but I think if I replied to her, she will gonna push me to do that still. Ignoring her messages doesn't mean that I will cut ties on us. I'm still glad to help her but this time, I only set limitations to that. I also realize that my body is only one and I need to give a break to it. I also find it hard to finish my own reports and assignment so I think I can't really help her now. I am asking myself if I am already selfish friend for doing so. Am I? I am hoping that she would understand me because we are battling on the same field now. I really hope so.

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I think that's all for now since I still have a group meeting until 12 midnight. After straight class from 4:00-9:00 PM, now I need to attend to another one. So bye for tonight, I will just keep chasing my dreams as a student. Have a great night ahead!!