Hello, my co-breadwinners! 

I know a lot of breadwinners reflecting over the thought that sometimes, they think they were born solely to pay bills for the family. To be honest, I stumbled upon this thought too! I can't help but wonder if all the sacrifices I went through growing up are meant to prepare me for the bigger challenge in life which is bringing food to the table or paying monthly bills. 

It seems like every firstborn is given this cultural and familial task of making sure things are in order and no payable is left unchecked. What a heavy burden, if you'll ask me. I don't know if this is just a third-world problem because I have yet to see a breadwinner making both ends meet in any Hollywood film. But a majority of the firstborns I know are breadwinners in their capacity. Some by choice, some by chance. 

Negatively Filipino

Perhaps this is what negatively distinguishes us as Filipinos. We are so tightly-knit as families that we'd rather bear the heavy load of responsibilities than carry the weight of guilt seeing our families not getting what we think they deserve. This tendency has caused many strains and cracks in the life of a Filipino family. Some members became too lax, dependent, and needy on their breadwinner. The breadwinner, on the other hand, becomes too sacrificial and selfless, at the cost of health, sanity, and a brighter future. A sad picture of a toxic family.

I joined a Reddit group of breadwinners like me, in a desire to see my plight on a bigger picture. I realized there are more realities than one. Some families are so toxic that there are episodes of manipulation, verbal abuse, and physical violence. Not to judge their dynamics but I wonder how and why these realities have to happen in a unit that is meant to share love and life? 

From what I know, at the age of 18, Westerners are forced to leave their parents' homes so they can be more responsible adults. Unlike in our culture, we stay together, so eventually, we suffer together, we enjoy together. I am a firm believer in leaving and cleaving principle but I respect the realities of those who choose to stay with their parents. There's more than meets the eye.

The other side of the coin

But then again, even if the tables have turned and I can choose a better life, I would still love to share the fruits of my labor with my family. 

Just a few moments ago as I was writing this piece I paid another bill. My budget was slashed again. I could have used that money for my self-indulgence. But being a breadwinner has taught me to see my family in a different light. Knowing my parents, who are already getting grey hairs and feeble bodies, are enjoying a little pleasure in life by not thinking about bills, gives me a huge morale boost. Knowing that they can sleep well without thinking about rental payments gives me satisfaction. Yes, it is an added stretch on my part but it gives me joy in the heart. 

I'm privileged that my family is nothing compared to the toxic families I've read on Reddit. I wish I could share my privileged with those breadwinners so their labor will not be a burden but a blessing. But reality bites. We live in different scenarios. I could only wish well for them. 

Life is hard. It gets harder when you carry extra baggage with you. But when you know whose baggage are you carrying, somehow you'll know why being a breadwinner is not all pain and no gain.