Simple things, where have you gone?

Lately, I've been missing myself. I miss the old me. If given a chance, I will choose to go back in time when I was happy, enthusiastic and free. In short, I miss the life I had a year ago. It's really true that time flies like a wink of an eye. It goes so fast without us noticing it.

Have you every felt this way? Like you just miss who and what you are a year ago or in any time as long as it's in the past. What are those things you miss doing that you can't do now? And what are those regrets and realizations you have? You can let me know so we can exchange thought. Maybe we can find answers and help each other.

A year ago or shall I say before, I was the type of person who doesn't seem to have problems and if there's any, it doesn't show because I won't let it show too. I just don't want others to see me in my weakest because I know the people around me needs motivation and if I choose to be vulnerable, who would encourage them at life? See it's really good to be strong so you will also radiate that strength to everyone.

And that has become one of my problems.

Being so close to my emotions and pretending everything's fine when it's not. People around me are not used to see me asking for help to anyone financially and emotionally. I just don't want someone or my family to think that I am not fine, and I look so pity. I don't want that. I want to maintain the image of being strong I build for years.

Before, life for me is not that hard since I have work and my work makes me happy. I can remember how excited I was during my first day as an online teacher and also, being with my board mates. I admit that's the most beautiful part of my life a year ago. My job and meeting people who became my close friends. And now that I stopped from working temporarily, I feel like I regret it because I do miss working and having the free life to the place where I stayed in. And when I said free, it means that I live my life my way and I don't have anyone or something to think of as a problem. But now, everything changes. A lot has changed.

And that's when I realized that the simple things I am happy doing before, are nowhere to be found. I hope I can go back in time where I can do all those things before like teaching online, spending my time having late night talks with my board mates and going out at night after my shift.

I tried to be not so dramatic but there are just things that remind of everything about my past.

Today, my boyfriend's cousin celebrates his birthday and we are invited. I really don't want to go because I like to spend my time in read.cash than going out and feeling the heat of the sun. I don't know but too much heat from the surroundings changes my mood from good to bad.

But then I can't refuse since my boyfriend wants us to go and his family wants me to go too because I will be the only one who will be left in the house if ever I won't go. I asked my boyfriend what was the venue of the said birthday and he told me a very familiar place -- a beach. That beach where I have a lot of memories because we've been there many times. He told me why I asked and I just answered nothing. When we arrive there, everything was still the same except for one thing. I am there again in that beach but with a different person.

I just took a snap shot to a certain part of the beach before going out.

Let's just name the beach, "Neo beach". Neo beach is one of the most go to beaches near our place. You can see cottages there that you can rent for $10. I went outside and looked around. The place was still the same but the people are just few in numbers since it's pandemic. Unlike before that all the cottages are occupied and you can meet a lot of people here enjoying their time in the shore. Awwe! I just missed those days. I hope this pandemic will be over soon so we can freely go whenever and wherever we want. It's really nice to get to know other people in next cottages. I did that before when we were here.

I can also remember this place was filled with so much noise before from the children running around because they're playing. But now, it turned into a ghost town like. You can see very few people around. I missed the cries I heard before because the children are begging their parents to buy them ice cream. The parents would also send signals to the ice cream vendor that they won't buy so he will go away but then the vendor won't listen and instead ring the bell loudly making the children cried loudly too.

I also remember the times when me and my cousins would go to the sea and bet who can swim fast. Those were the times when I drank sea water and my eyes turned into a little bit reddish because sea water entered my eyes.

I also miss the times when my friends and me are here too. From morning until evening, we will stay here enjoying our drinks and even rented a karaoke. We don't have worries back then because we were just students and our responsibility is to finish our homeworks, projects, reports and doing exams. Unlike now, after graduating, we would question our existence because we don't have the stable job yet. The pressure is real especially when you are the eldest. You are expected to lift your family from poverty.

These are some of the simple things I missed. I want to go back when life was just simple for me because now, I feel like I am fed up with life. But it doesn't mean I am quitting. I just want to rest for a while. And after given that rest, I will battle life again.

I am sorry if I am too dramatic these days and seem to have complaints about my life. I don't know but I just like to be emotional and I hope this will be over tomorrow.

Please bear with me, friends. I really want to let go of the things that have been stocked for so long in my mind just because I didn't share it to others.

I want to know your side too! Let's talk.

Thank you so much guys for reading! You've been so kind to me since day one.

Thank you so much again for your time! To my generous sponsors, upvoters and to those who comments, I am sending you my warmest gratitude! Let's talk and get to know each other well.

Lead image is edited from Canva

Ciao! ❤️