When I regained consciousness, I saw everyone sitting next to me. I listened to them but did not meet my eyes. Slowly I began to reconcile all the calculations. That first visit, his behavior, taking me to the store, three piece gift. About her mother, why Aunty was telling me the things, she gave me the responsibility to explain it to her. All the calculations matched. I lost my way.
They were all happy to see each other, but I was breaking down inside. The one I love is blue !! But even though he was younger than me, I didn't believe him. Why did he do that, why did he cheat on me? Once I thought I would give him a lot of gossip but I don't know why. My subconscious mind wanted to get OK again and again. Still, I have to tell him something.
After recovering a bit, I called him. I see his number is off. Then I call that number, I see that it is also closed. I ran to Araf. Can you tell me something, sister? What happened to you? Do you know where Nilay is?
No, I haven't had contact with him for a long time. Why did you say that? What's his number? Call me. I really need him, Araf. Very necessary.
Araf, not understanding me, called Nilay. Saying off too. I called her mother's number. I couldn't connect that either. Disappointed, I returned home. From that time my life in hell began. I almost gave up eating. I stopped talking. The non-cadre gazette came out. I was elected as Upazila Social Service Officer in the Department of Social Services. Yet the state of mind did not change. It seemed to me that blue was what I needed in my life. In exchange for everything. But I couldn't find him anywhere else. My parents saw that my condition was bad and arranged a quick marriage. A new battle began. Fight against the mind. You know what happened next. It's 3.45 at night. Everyone was asleep and I was sitting and writing my diary. Now I have to lie down. Sleep will not come though. I don't even know how long I don't sleep.
Iram was very upset after reading the story. The question of why Nilay got lost is hurting him too. Again I thought that someone can love someone so hard !! People no longer write lies or stories in their diaries. That truth people cannot reveal to others, so write in the diary. Today, Iram has a good idea about new boys. He began to think, will someone like that come into his life? That will change his life. Get rid of this loneliness!
Iram turned over a few more white pages. Then write again. I couldn't think of writing again so fast. Today is the 3rd day of my marriage. I am writing while sitting at my father-in-law's house.
Two days ago - As soon as the morning light came on, the mood of the wedding started at home. The cook has arrived. Full of relatives. After breakfast I was taken to the parlor. In the midst of so much, I can't find peace.
I think to myself, "Where are you, Nilay? Why did you teach me so much love? Where are you now? I can't find you anywhere! You are haughty with the words of that day! I am not good Nilay! I will never be good Nilay, never No. I will never forgive you!
The big passenger who came home at the end of the makeup has also left. Many went to welcome them. As time draws closer, the breath is coming off. It just seems like once I sign the cabin paper I will never get Nilay again. But I have nothing to do.
I am sitting quietly and suddenly I hear Nilay's mother's voice. I saw Aunty and saluted and went ahead to talk about Nilay. But Aunty left without giving him a chance. I thought maybe Araf had invited. Then surely Nilay will also come but I did not see him anywhere. Kazi came to teach marriage but I did not go to the wedding hall. I sat in my room and signed. After eating and introducing myself, it was my turn to say goodbye
Mom is crying. Dad is crying too. But there was not a drop of water in my eyes. It seems that my crying has ended long ago. I had no idea what had happened then. I went and sat in the car, one of my cousins was sitting next to me. Then my husband whom I still can't accept.
To be continued.
Thank you.
Amazing