Pre-forgiveness

The first character development word you need to examine for yourself is the word Pre-forgiveness (the second, third, and another words will be your choice) I have been fortunate enough to have had a boss who has been a tremendous mentor for me—Chuck Farnworth.

I still remember my first day on the job in his department.

Like all of the other positions I have ever had, he went through the typical logistics for the first day on the job - what to do, what not to do, benefits, forms to fill out and many more. then he took a few minutes that would change how I would view leadership roles.
He told me about his relationship with the rest of the team and what he hoped would be our relationship.

He told me I was Pre-forgiven.

I was puzzled initially and wanted him to expound on what Pre-forgiveness meant.

He told me he was sure I would make mistakes because we all make mistakes. He told me to remember that if and when I make those mistakes, that I was forgiven for them.

I remember thinking to my self: is this guy for real? At the time, I didn't know him well. Giving him the benefit of the doubt and wanting and hoping that he was genuine, I wanted to live up my end of the bargain to be Pre-forgiven.

In exchange for being Pre-forgiven, he wanted two things.

First, he wanted me to tell him of the mistakes.

Second, he wanted me to tell him what I learned from my mistakes.

He taught me that if all I did was confess, it would not have much value.

He said, “Tell me what you learned, so we can all learn. I look at mistakes as investments. I want to see a return on investment.ʼʼ

The notion of being Pre-forgiving with others is a wonderful and sacred trust.

There is a caveat, however. This is a two-edged sword.

It can quickly build trust when implemented sincerely, but it can also destroy trust and create cynicism quickly if not handled with care.

I would recommend not creating the expectation of Pre-forgiveness to anyone at first because before you can truly Pre-forgive someone else, you need to Pre-forgive yourself.

Before someone makes an offence or a mistake we need to give him the benefit of the doubt and see every person as a person of great worth, talent, and as being capable of contributing in significant and brilliant ways.

I define forgiveness as continuing to see someone as a person of great worth, even after an offence. In other words, I can see the divine in others even if their actions are motivated by monkey-brain or lizard-brain thinking.

I know they have divine brains because we all do. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying forgiveness is the same as trust. Trust is something a person must earn.

Unconditionally seeing someone's potential and worth is a mind-set and heart-set. (Remember the distance between heaven and hell - heart vs. Head that we mentioned earlier.)

There is a price that you need to pay to be able to Pre-forgive someone else and always see the divine in her. The price is to consistently see the divine in you, and recognize it enough to Pre-forgive yourself. This is the first voice that we need to pay attention to, and it needs to be clear, near, and familiar.

We will invariably make mistakes, and we can get derailed quickly. Learn to quickly forgive yourself amid occasional mistakes, and continue to see yourself as a person of great worth, potential, and strength. (Remember strength is one of the components of a strong member in the oxen pull.)

I want to reiterate once again that the first and most important decision we can make is to decide that our divine brains will be our dominant brains. We need to use our time wisely by first making sure that we go through the daily exercise of using our divine brains first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.
This is our best line defence against the lizard-brain and monkey-brain bombardment we will surely have throughout the day.

As we make this a habit, our natures will change and we will see the divine in ourselves.

Pre-forgiveness is simply a reminder that our divine brains are our dominant brains. Only as we Pre-forgive ourselves can we Pre-forgive others. The best place to start a culture of Pre-forgiveness is with you.

Follow the process that my boss chuck shared with me.

First, confess to yourself, or in other words, have the awareness that you made mistake.

Second, take the time to think through your mistakes and ask, “What have I learned from this?” Remember, you can choose to make your divine brain your dominant brain, and Pre-forgiveness is a divine brain thought. You can do it.

Your perfection or completeness and full development is a stake. Persist, even when you make mistakes on occasion.

We all have to practice being your own best cheerleader.

Learn from past mistakes, and don't dwell there.

Keep moving forward.

Ponder for a moment what your family or workplace be like if everyone were pre-forgiving. What would you anticipate would be different?

Written by @Sarahmay