I was raped!

Few days back, info got to me that a close friend has not left her apartment for about two days. This is unlike her as she a social and spirited lady. After so many attempts to reach her via calls, she finally picked. When I enquired into her state of mind and why she has locked herself up in her apartment. And all she said before she ended the call was;

I WAS RAPED!

I could hear the cry, I could fell the tears and I sensed the bitterness. Till now, I have not been able to reach her. Though I called her brother who confirmed she is okay and slowly getting over the experience.

It was a relief, as there was fear she could do the extreme - harm herself.

Coincidentally, I recently saw a Bollywood movie on rape and I picked some lines from it.

The antagonist said: "The culture of abducting girls, harassing them... These all are followed from the Epic, Ancestors and from the generations. This is our heritage, how can you tell me this is wrong?"

The protagonist replied:

"The same epics say that if you mess with a woman, then it won't matter if they have ten heads or 99 brothers, they will be destroyed!"

Rape can have psychological, emotional, and physical effects on a survivor and these after affects are not always easy to deal with. There could depression, flashbacks of the event event, feelings of anxiety or fear which makes it difficult to adjust or cope for some time afterwards

Facts about rape.

Rape is an unlawful sexual activity when consent in not obtained or not freely given or is done under threat of injury against a person's will. Rape is a global problem which impacts every community and affects people of all genders, sexual orientations, and ages. Anyone can be raped, but most victims are female.

Most cases of rape go unreported because the victims may be ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid to tell the police, friends, or family about the violence.

I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. Did he rape my head, too.

~ Laurie Halse Anderson

Research from CDC shows:

• Nearly1 in 5 women have experienced completed or attempted rape during her lifetime.

• 1 in 3 female rape victims experienced it for the first time between 11-17 years old.

• 1 in 8 female rape victims reported that it occurred before age 10.

Men are also raped

According to research from CDC

• Nearly 1 in 38 men have experienced completed or attempted rape during his lifetime.

• About1 in 4 male rape victims experienced it for the first time between 11-17 years old.

• About 1 in 4 male rape victims reported that it occurred before age 10.

While people mostly hear about rape and sexual assault against women, men around the world also experience sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape every day.

Most rape victims are women, but it's important to keep in mind that male sexual assault happens and is rarely talked about.

In the eyes of the law, only a man can commit rape, as penetration with the penis has to occur, but men can still be raped and sexually assaulted.

In a Reddit thread, some men opened up about their devastating experiences of being sexually assaulted by women - and also shared how it has affected their lives in the long term. Here are some stories of men who were sexually assaulted and how the people around them reacted.

Why not report?

Rape is a subject which is difficult to talk about for anyone who has experienced it. The act is grossly underreported globally due to victim shaming, fear of reprisal, fears of others - family, friends colleagues - knowing about it, not wanting the offender to get in trouble, cases not being taken seriously by law enforcement, and then there is the possible lack of prosecution for the perpetrator.

Let's have a read of what some rape survivors have shared about their experience. Many has shared how pervasive the trauma from rape can be. The pain sometimes remain relevant to the victim for many years.

She is told all the things she shouldn’t have done: She shouldn’t have waited so long before going to the police. She shouldn’t have gotten rid of the clothes she was wearing. Shouldn’t have showered. Shouldn’t have drunk alcohol. Shouldn’t have put herself in that situation. Shouldn’t have gone into the room, up the stairs, given him the impression. If only she hadn’t existed, then none of this would have happened, why didn’t she think of that?

~ Fredrik Backman

Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth and it happens every few minutes. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.

Kurt Cobain

Now, should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.

~ Jessica Valenti,

I'd still thought that everything I thought about that night-the shame, the fear-would fade in time. But that hadn't happened. Instead, the things that I remembered, these little details, seemed to grow stronger, to the point where I could feel their weight in my chest. Nothing, however stuck with me more than the memory of stepping into that dark room and what I found there, and how the light then took that nightmare and made it real.

Sarah Dessen

I can explain myself: If you want to be safe, walk in the middle of the street. I’m not joking. You’ve been told to look both ways before crossing the street, and the sidewalk is your friend, right? Wrong. I’ve spent years walking sidewalks at night. I’ve looked around me when it was dark, when there were men following me, creeping out of alleyways, attempting to goad me into speaking to them and shouting obscenities at me when I wouldn’t, and I suddenly realised that the only place left to go was the middle of street. But why would I risk it? Because the odds are in my favour. In the States, someone is killed in a car accident on average every 12.5 minutes, while someone is raped on average every 2.5 minutes. Even when factoring in that, one, I am generously including ALL car-related accidents and not just those involving accidents, and two, that the vast majorities of rapes still go unreported […] And, thus, this is now the way I live my life: out in the open, in the middle of everything, because the middle of the street is actually the safest place to walk.

~ Emilie Autumn

I was too trusting, too naive. I felt like it was all my fault. It would take me years to accept what now seems obvious: rape is not a punishment for poor judgement.

~ Chessy Prout

"So many years past being raped, I tell myself what happened is 'in the past.' This is only partly true. In too many ways, the past is still with me. The past is written on my body. I carry it every single day. The past sometimes feels like it might kill me. It is a very heavy burden."

~ Roxane Gay

The truth of it is, the shame was not mine, and for all victims in similar situations, it is not ours. The shame is reserved for every creep who has ever touched us inappropriately. The shame is on the abuser, not the victim, not the survivor. It is tragic that so many of us have to survive this kind of crap, and I’m so sorry if it has happened to you

~ Rose McGowan

Closing thoughts

While many countries have laws against the act of rape or sexual assault and violence, many of them are insufficient, inconsistent, and not systematically enforced. There is need to look beyond just legislation to fix the problem. There is need to look at the deep, systematic dysfunction of our cultures and social norms that have not prevented and do not prevent sexual violence. And as individuals, we should take necessary steps and precaution to prevent yourselves from being raped or sexually assaulted

Lead Image: by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay