The Elephant in the room

Marriage is the one event that every bachelor and spinster dreams of and aspires to have. The day of the ceremony is supposed to one of joy and merrymaking. However sometimes that may not be the case due to an issue that is common in some regions of the world. The elephant in the room is the marriage list.

In some other parts of the world and Africa where I reside, there is a culture of presenting the groom with the marriage list which contains some items that he should provide before he is deemed worthy enough to be joined in matrimony with the bride. I have heard that for some cultures, part of the requirements for marriage is that the groom has to endure some flogging to prove that he is capable of taking on the responsibility of being a husband. Not to digress from the issue at hand, the contents of this list are usually exclusive of the requirements to host guests for the wedding reception.

Its contents also very from tribe to tribe and family to family . In terms of cost implications its value can range from the reasonable to outrightly being outrageous. Some lists appear to be like over bloated government contracts because of the overall financial implications.

Rather unfortunately there is a misconception amongst some families that if the list is not "heavy" the suitor will not value the bride. This is far from the truth as I have seen that often times when the groom is given a softer landing , he values and respects the bride more and usually appreciates her family more, hence has a good rapport with them.

This list issue has been attributed to be one of the reasons why many young men and women remain bachelor's and spinsters respectively hence leading to prolonged courtship as the young men would obviously need some time to develop the financial muscle to carry the weight of the list.

Do not get me wrong I am not against giving gifts to one's in-laws to be. What I am against is to present a list to a young man that appears as though he is to take charge of the needs of the bride's family both the immediate and the extended. Funny enough some of the contents of the list are usually assigned to people who may never have set their eyes on the bride and may have never played any role in bringing her up. At times when the immediate family of the bride is attempting to be considerate to the groom, it is these groups of people that often refuse to show any consideration as they insist that they must get their "due".

Fortunately some families these days are beginning to see that over bloated lists do nothing but put the happiness of the bride to be at risk indirectly by making the groom go through additional financial stress aside what is needed for the marriage reception and preparing a comfortable home for the bride.

I would like to hear your thoughts on this issue and some some questions presented below

Do you think there is any effect of the list on the mood during the marriage reception and the relationship between the families of the bride and groom?

For the bachelors and spinsters, is the list as described here something you would want to avoid in your marriage if given the opportunity?

If you are married , did you encounter the list? what was it like?

Feel free to leave your comments below. As usual for reading this piece I say

Shukran

Danke

Merci

Gracias

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