Do You Hate Yourself and Others? Say Hello to the Devil! (2/3)

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7 months ago (Last updated: 2 months ago)

In part 1 I discussed how demons can enter our minds and hearts without us noticing it. If you haven't read that post yet I suggest you do so to fully understand my story.

I think it all started last year. In 2022 it seemed my life was really beginning to turn for the worst. At first I didn't know what to do. Eventually I realized what was happening. (This is the continuation of what happened in my first post.)

9. Say hello to self hate and hating most of humanity.

Leading up to the previous year, everywhere online I was seeing all the injustices people were doing. Aside from that, especially since it was then nearing the presidential elections... Ah the things you'd get to read. Before I knew it anger was beginning to consume my personality. Thankfully I started to notice it, but not immediately.

Imagine, there were people defending the "evil people" online!!! How blind can others be? Oh you cannot imagine. 🤦‍♀️ And the trolls, omg, so much hate was online too.

April 2022 I was able to watch something on Twitter that I even posted in my Instagram account. Always getting mad at all the injustices in the world is not a good feeling. So much so that when I saw this, I couldn't help but post it.

Sorry I forgot who this is and what video these screenshots are from. Posted it in my IG acct.

Seeing this was kind of my wake up call. I didn't think it was possible but eventually I realized it is true.

Maybe it was my way of telling the world I was not doing well at all. Or not. Clearly at that point I wanted to stop getting angry at all the evil things people keep doing. It's not healthy to be mad all the time.

I never had anger issues before but I felt like if I didn't do anything about it soon it would not go well for me. How could it when I felt like punching things everytime my PMS (premenstrual syndrome/s) came around. And yes there were times I really had to use my dirty clothes as a punching bag. It's that bad. (Such didn't happen to me until 2021.)

10. The devil is here.

May 2022, the son of a deceased dictator "won" as president. Some people said China made it so, using the voting machines and programming it. Or it was because of the trolls and whoever was funding his campaign. Heck perhaps it was even a combination of both and more! Clearly something wrong was afoot and an entire nation was hoodwinked.

Why would that not add to my anger? I hated it. How could God allow such a thing to even happen?! Truly it is already the end times because that man has become the leader of an entire and mostly Catholic country!

Now imagine, you add everything that was happening. Things weren't doing well at work, at home, in my body and in my country. How could I not feel so bad? I felt betrayed, like the world came crashing down.

On top of that I had so much hate inside me for the wrong things happening to me and in the world. Never have I hated everything, EVERYTHING because nothing was also going well in my life. I started to think and wish that something bad should happen to those who were oppressing me. That never happened to me before. That incurs terrible karma and yet I kept thinking of bad thoughts against my neighbors. And it didn't end there.

Yes even me cursing God finally happened late last year until early this year! Never in my entire life did I think I'd ever do something like that. NEVER. I did not do such when my mom got hospitalized. Not even when I got brokenhearted too! But during my lowest points recently, it happened several times. Everytime I was feeling like I was being attacked by everything, I did so.

11. Extreme hate eventually was the key to breaking free.

I wanted the "curse" or bad luck in my life to be over but it wasn't happening at all no matter what I did! My thoughts and attitude towards God and my fellowmen got so bad that in December 2022 I even thought I must be going through what they call the "dark night of the soul".

I used to wonder what it was like and now I know. It is a terrible experience. Hopefully I never go through it ever again.

Imagine, always feeling like living at home was hell but having "no way" of moving out or leaving at all. The thought of being better to just die instead of live my life was also increasing. And then I would also hate and curse my neighbors and everyone else who made my life miserable. I was being consumed by hate. (Yuck, it's such a dirty feeling.)

It was like someone was always telling me it was just better to die, die, die. And that my life is worthless and bla bla bla. Oh no. Everyday seemed like it was getting worse and worse.

That's when I began to question what was going on with me and my life. Why would I think such thoughts? Was I doing the wrong things? Why was nothing going well in my life? Why, why, why? But I had no way to answer myself, no way except to do an online search.

Something I found shared online but I don't remember where and there's no artist signature so credits to the owner.

Maybe I was indeed being besieged by demons as that distance healer once told me in late 2021. Why would such bad luck be around me if I wasn't? It didn't make any sense why I was eventually feeling like I was starting to be in a living hell.

I did everything to fix my problems, I prayed to God to fix them too but it seemed like He wasn't doing anything at all. NOTHING. And when you are at that point you begin to get angry again, not just with the world or with yourself, but even at the Lord.

Talk about throwing tantrums and ultimatums at your all powerful creator... haha. How ridiculous, perhaps it was like an ant looking up at a human being with righteous anger. 😂

Oh I did such to Him who is always just and merciful, how dare I do what I did? One of the worst sins of all. When you think you are suffering so bad it can definitely happen. In my entire life, I never thought I'd go so low as to do such a thing. That's when I knew, somehow the devil got to me without me noticing it.

12. At the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up

When you're down in the dumps all you can do is rise up. I tried to distract myself with self-studying Spanish. Eventually however, somehow I started to get discouraged by how slow I was learning it.

Eventually during the week of Ash Wednesday I decided to become a vegetarian. As a sort of fasting and abstinence I should at least try it for once in my life. And also because, as mentioned, I got this new disease and the alternative medicine I bought instructed that I ditch the meat and processed food. No harm in trying that so I did.

Of course I ended up being a flexitarian and in the process I also found God again. Thanks to YouTube and the good things my online search showed me, I am saved again.

13. God is online too.

Watching Fr. Chad Ripperger's videos about exorcism and also one of Matias De Stefano's videos finally answered most of my questions in life. Actually I started with this video. It was recommended on my YouTube feed for some reason. And because that's the topic of course I clicked on it. 😆

The reason I watched this is because I once asked my sibling what to do if I feel like there are bad spirits in the house. (I think this was in 2021.) Since getting quite an education in that department of course I thought asking could provide me the right solution.

True enough I was told to play Gregorian chant songs of the Lord's prayer and the rosary. So I have done such but only a few times. I think it did help but I barely noticed because I was still under the influence of the devil. However when I saw the above video recommendation, I got curious as to why it's so. (I never asked my sibling.)

And then I watched this other interview and the entire series about his exorcism experiences and the rest is history. Haha.

Another interview video of a different priest and the exorcism topic is also how I found out I might have failed the test Job (from the Bible) went thru. I realized how I might have been put to the test but failed dismally. But wait, in part 3 I will tell you what happened next!

To be continued in Part 3!



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Lead image from Unsplash.

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7 months ago (Last updated: 2 months ago)