My Least Favorite Schizophrenic Symptoms

Hello guys, good morning. Hope you all slept well. Please take care of yourselves and if it matters, always know that I care about you.

Today, I bring a least favorite list.

As you know, I'm schizophrenic, and I've had one major psychotic episode and I've been placed on drugs probably for life.

I've had relapses a couple times because I don't always use my drugs, so I know a thing or two about the Symptoms...

Today, I'm going to be taking you what's scary and maybe what to watch out for. Hope you guys learn something or even enjoy the read. Note that these symptoms are also for mania (the high side of bipolar affective disorder). Here we go guys.

1) Insomnia:

First, this isn't really a symptom per say. But it is closely associated, so much so that I just call it a symptom. Everyone who is for some reason would find it impossible to sleep at night. And even when we sleep, it doesn't feel like it. You could sleep for two minutes and feel you've slept for days, and you could sleep for 8 hours, and feel you've not slept at all. Sleep is important because it helps the brain rest, so if you're not sleeping, it's a really bad sign. Your brain is unable to delete all the useless information you've taken in during the day. Normally, before the episodes, I never liked sleep. I always thought it was a waste of precious time. I normally would read throughout the night, and play games too, or even watch movies.

But the time I had my first episode, I didn't sleep for days, or even weeks. But since I didn't care about sleep, I was very happy I couldn't sleep, so I played games throughout and did my normal nocturnal activities. Little did I know something big was coming.

2) Nightmares

On the occasion you do manage to sleep, the nightmares are there to show you it's a bad idea. Nightmares aren't such big deals, but in my case, it is usually so intense that I wake up choking. In there most terrible ones, I would be dreaming within a dream, so when I wake up in the first dream, something bad is happening in the next dream, and I probably get shot with a gun, and I struggle to wake up in real life, and I choke continuously... Really really terrible.

3) Intense Fear

Now, when people have nightmares, they become afraid, but it's extremely heightened with schizophrenia. When you're on even a bicycle, you feel you could die because you're driving too fast. Everything looks terrible to you. You're afraid to use the shower because you could drown. You just want to lie in bed all day long and even then, you're still afraid the end of the world is here.

4) Eiphoria

The world would look so beautiful, so white, and you think you've died and gone to heaven. The trees and the grasses would be so green, and fresh, you'd know it's all too good to be true. This just adds to the intense Fear.

5) Paranoia

I was afraid someone was out to get me. I just believed I was going to die for some reason. Everything was related, and it felt unnatural, so I just thought someone was trying to kill me.

6 and 7) incoherent speech and impaired thinking

This is stated from the point of view of those observing. They see that you just keep saying a lot of nonsense nonstop. But as someone who has experienced this, let me tell you what is like from my perspective. I was thinking so fast that my mouth couldn't keep up. I was in my own mind, connecting a lot of dots. My brain was extremely hyper active. Imagine trying to describe the road to your house and then there are so many descriptions coming to your mind and you're having so many epiphanies on the spot that you in the end fail to describe the road but start several small descriptions you never end. Now imagine that you do that all day!!! I kept jumping from topic to topic because I was simply "calculating" (for lack of a better word) too many things at once and saying was what I was thinking.

8) High energy

You expend a lot of energy. You get so hyper, that the resulting end is extreme tiredness, and you'll not even be able to sleep.

9) The thought that you're someone else

This is the one I find the most embarrassing, so much so that I'm not going to say much about it. But I'll mention that whatever character you think you are, it'll be someone that would be persecuted in the moment or the future.

That would be all guys. Thanks for always being with me through my lists. Hopefully, you learn a thing or two, or at least enjoy the list...

Much love from me to you...