Virtual Feelings

Have you ever liked a person you haven't met in real life? Have you ever longed to hold those hands you see in the computer screen to satisfy your feelings? Did you get jealous for those people he/she interacts with regularly?

I experienced it recently.

And it hurts! Big time! ☺️

I am not new in this platform. In fact, this would be my second account in read. I first know noise.cash way back January 2021 and just created my read account on April 2021. But the articles that I uploaded there might be spammed so I abandoned it for the sake of just abandoning it. Well, I'm not really ready to open up myself that time that's why I cannot write well and just posted some random stuffs . I want to write based on my experiences, maybe there will be add ons on the later part of the stories but some of it will be based on my feelings.

Well, back to my virtual feelings as the title says, in noise, I have met countless people. I have made friends, acquaintances and even close friends. There's this one person that I met on the half of 2021 through the channel I joined in noise. The channel created a telegram gc for the avid subscribers and I hesitantly joined at first but yeah, I still joined for the sake of entertainment. I'm very bored at my life that time that's why. At first, getting to know with the members, casual chatting and just some random topics to talk to. Then after a month, there's a newbie who joined. At first glance of her profile picture in tg I knew instantly she's a lesbian. Well, I don't care about sexual preference for other people. It's their choice and I respect that. Its just rare for me to interact with them. I don't feel awkward, it's just that, I'm shy and a bit nervous because in reality, I ask questions that will make a person in a tight spot like very awkward questions. I'm a curios type of person so everything I encounter that is of different norm, I ask a bunch of questions for them to satisfy my curiosity.

At first, I'm putting up a snob appearance to that person, you know, always bicker in her chats and not minding her for a few days. But I'm really a snob person in reality so it's not a facade on the latter part. A month came and it's like she knew me as a snob girl next door. My account in tg is kinda private and well, I don't know what I ate that time that I dm-ed her for some whatever topic to talk to. All topics seems to be nonsense for me. I always like to dive in topics with great interest like for the nation or about covid. Lol. I always want someone I can interact sensibly. But with her some are sensible but most of'em are nonsense. But funny I always found myself smiling if I see a message from her. I don't know when this fondness for her started, but I do know, I'm eager to know about her past and present stories. I want to read something about her day if she's okay or whatnot. It's a bit confusing for me cause I know I'm straight. But I never had any relationships also before, maybe flings but not a serious relationship with a guy, so I cannot tell if I'm straight? Lol. At first, I cannot accept this feelings for I am a Christian. I know God created just a man and a woman, nothing more, nothing less. No offense meant on all lgbt community here okay and I still consider the fact that the world is evolving and I should embrace different genders in this world. So like, I'm in denial with my feelings for her.

I think, I confirmed my feelings to be special for her when she posted a my day in her facebook of a girl. Well, come to think of it, we just met in noise and I allowed myself to connect with her thru my other social media accounts, that's how we've gotten close for months. But anyways, as I saw the image of the my day, my heart broke at that instant. I have countless crush and it's not a big deal for me if they have a girlfriend already but with her, everything went on the drain. My feelings flushed like in the toilet. Lol. Just a figurative speech here.

After that, everyday feels like a torment for me. I wanted to cut ties and everything, maybe compromised my accounts in noise and tg just to get away with this horrible feeling. The jealousy is eating me everyday. We always chat everyday, I always answer her questions and ask a few to her but on every waking hour the heartbreak I feel is growing. I always wanted to run away like deleting everything in the virtual world. It's just one click and everything will be back to normal but in everytime I said my goodbyes to her, there's so many questions arising and I really want to confess but my two close friends that only knew my situation said that it's not a good idea. You know just live with the pain till you get numb and eventually you'll feel nothing for her one day. Easier said than done.

Days, weeks and months gone by I think I just felt nothing. It's back to square one. The fondness is slowly fading and I say I'm not that interested to know everything. I have so many realizations in my life that I can say I just needed someone to treat me like a baby. I've always wanted someone to care for me because all my life I've been caring the people around me. I am strong but I feel weak all the time. It's like an energizer or my Chuckie to recharge. 🤭 But everything should have a limit. I don't want to cause some stir on their relationship so I'm slowly distancing myself for a bit. It's for my own good and for the world. 🤦‍♀️ And besides, we're still good friends and I don't want that friendship be gone for this feeling. One day, I'll look back to this moment of my life with a smile on my face and proudly say, I can like with different people as long as the heart is kind and pure.

Post Note

Hey there lovies!

This is my first article for my newly created account. Almost all of my articles will be tackling about my heartbreaks in this world. This would be my outlet for I think I'm about to explode with so much heartbreaks now. 😅 Please bear with me and feel free to drop messages of heartbreaks too. We'll support each other with words of wisdom for that. Haha.

See you in my next article. 👋

Cheering you always,

LuaDesamor 😉

©️All rights reserved. LuaDesamor

Lead image is from Google

January 9, 2022 / 23:17 PH time