Mama's 3rd death anniversary

March 11, 2022

Greetings guys! How are you all here? It's Friday and yeah I don't have a plan yet on how to spend this day, but one thing is for sure. I want this day to become productive, hmm how? Anyways, I've been absent here again for two days and I apologise for that.

March 10, 2019, was the most terrible and heartbreaking moment for me and my family. This is the day when my mother already left us, I remember the day before this day I sleepover in the hospital with her and when I go home the night comes when my father woke me up in the middle of the night and we rush to his motorcycle. I don't know what's happening and I am scared to ask. It feels like I am going with the flow, while I am riding on the motorcycle my mind is blank and my body is like feeling nothing maybe because of the nervousness. My father almost makes the motor fly, he was driving so fast that we almost bump in the corner of the road but it's a good thing we are okay so he continue driving. It's cold that one thing I am sure that I felt before.

When we reached the hospital, we hurriedly went upstairs without using the elevator, my father and I are not talking we were running as we go upstairs where the room of my mother was located. And when we are in the door, it feels like my world was collapsing seeing many doctors in my mother's bed reviving her but I think they are almost an hour there because when we arrived they stop already and I heard the most hateful words that I don't want to hear. You know what it is, the time of death. My father rushed to my mother and try to revive her by pumping her chest but nothing happened. My mother has left us and I think it's for good since she's been suffering from her illness for a long time and I know she's tired. I don't know what to do, I just slammed on the floor crying loudly. I went near to my mother and hug her, I don't want to break the hug but I need to because they will transfer my mother to the morgue.

I don't have the strength to stand up so my aunt helped me to walk. I am thinking of my sisters that we left in our house sleeping. I don't know what to say to them, they are still young at that time.

I guess it's the end of the throwback as I am near to crying now while writing this. Even if it's happened in the past and years ago already, I still feel the pain whenever I am thinking about it.

So yesterday was my mother's 3rd death anniversary. Time flies so fast indeed.

Three years already...

Three years without her on my side.

Three years of missing her more and more.

Three years of not tasting her home made biko

Three years of not feeling her hugs and kisses

Three years of not talking with her personally

Three years of not seeing her precious smile

Three years of not hearing her words of wisdom while she's scolding me.

Three years without her isn't easy but this is life, we need to go forward even without our loved ones because I know what my mom wants. She wants us to be strong and continue living our lives.

I know she's seeing us from above and guiding us. And she's now in a better place where there are no sickness and suffering. That's what I always think whenever I feel sad when I think of her.

In the cemetery

We visited her yesterday afternoon. We are completely unlike last year since my father was staying to his work and my younger sister won't be allowed to go outside because of the covid.

We buy candles and flowers outside before going to my mother's grave. My father will paint again her grave since you see it's already dirty because of the burn. My mother's picture already faded away and we are planning to replace a new one.

We need to use a ladder since my mother's grave is located in the third layer and it's high. We're not as tall as others so we borrow a ladder. This is the first time again that we are complete again though my baby wasn't able to come since it's already near too dark when we went out. The plan is to make a biko but my father arrived home at quarter to 5 already so we are running out of time. My sister and I don't know how to make biko so we don't have biko with us.

This is my sister taking pictures while sitting on the ladder. I also have a picture of my mom's grave but I am haggard so I won't post it. We also told my mother about penpen, my baby. We even watched together the video of him while laughing. I will bring my baby when it's already allowed and safe.

We stayed there for almost an hour and when it is getting darker we decided to go home bidding goodbye to my mom.

I know my mom is happy now and we are happy too knowing that she is no longer suffering in the pain. I wonder if she's proud of me, I can't wait to bring my diploma to her. Before she was the one who always goes with me whenever I received an award, shes very happy while putting a medal on me.

I remember this was a day when our card was given out and also the awarding of honor students.

This was our graduation. My sister graduated in grade 6 and I am graduated in senior high school.

Look at my sister here, she was still young but now shes big already. I was in grade 11 in this photo.

My mom was not fond of taking pictures so I only have a few pictures of her in my gallery and on FB.

Thank you to all my sponsors. Feel free to check them out, their articles are awesome and motivating.

Thank you for reading guys!