Young Adult

I woke up feeling unwell. My head feels heavy and I just wanted to lie on my bed the whole day but obviously I can't do that. I need to eat, take a bath and attend the church service. I wasn't able to go to church physically because I'm feeling unwell so I just watched our Livestream in Facebook.

After that, I worked on my laptop for a few things for tomorrow and I started watching videos on Facebook and searching for home design ideas and literally anything about homes.

Lately I've been watching videos about DIY home decor, home interior design, home renovations, home appliances must haves, home organization hacks, home cleaning videos, and creating more home spaces. I've also been browsing home utensils and home furnitures.

It was satisfying for me and when me and my mom went to a Mr. DIY store, I saw different home items which are really cute and affordable. I don't know but aside from markers, pens, stationaries, notebooks and post-its, I am fascinated with anything related to home.

We have a two story house but it's located in a squatters area where you can expect noise from kids and adults, you know your neighbors problems because you only have one wall which is often made of plywood, and it's not really peaceful at all. It's also an old house which needs a lot of repair but we're having second thoughts if we're going to have it fixed as a permanent structure or not because houses here can be demolished anytime and we can be asked to leave our current house.

I've always wanted to live in a peaceful and tranquil neighborhood where we have a backyard, garden for my mom because she love plants, we have our own room for our personal space with our own bathrooms as well, and the house must be until third floor because we are a huge family. Honestly, when there are family gatherings, our house is way too crowded and it's as though there is no enough ventilation for all of us.

It also makes sense for me to have my own savings for my future. I won't always be as young as I am now so I need to prepare for my future as well. I need to have investments as I have none at the moment. When I think of investment, the first thing that comes to my mind is business, not knowing that investment is actually more than it.

The responsibility to sustain my brother's needs in his studies doesn't make me broke but actually it makes me responsible. I need to discipline myself to just buy the things I need and have a delayed gratification of my successes because I must focus on the needs rather than the wants. Desiring to take my masters degree is also a sign of investing for myself.

I came to a point in life now that it's okay to be alone at least I don't have any toxicity lingering around me. It's okay to have fewer friends because quality more than quantity matters. It's okay to do things in my own time just like replying to messages especially if it's my "me time".

I only realized it now how unhealthy my habits are. That even if it's past my working hours or my working days, I am still answering queries when I shouldn't have. It was so unhealthy of me to do work even during holidays, rest days, outside of working hours and even doing overtimes. Or even during lunch break or breaks. I've been too harsh on myself which is unhealthy.

Did it help me grow? No

Did I earn money doing it? No

Did I become productive? No

Is it healthy for me? No

The only thing that it caused me is my time, sanity and energy. It's difficult to try to fit in everything just because I wanted things to be perfectly done.

Then I learned that the reason why almost everything stresses me out is because I wanted to take control of everything. Just like how I control my daily routine. I wanted things to be perfectly executed. I wanted to always be in control even when I don't have the capacity bad the ability to do so.

The only thing I can do is to give my best and work during working hours. I need to stop overworking myself because even if I lose the job I can easily be replaced but my role as a sister, daughter, aunt, friend and churchmate can never be replaced by anyone else because I only have one life and the best person who can be me, is me.

I need to learn how to surrender everything to God and enjoy life better. Life is too short to just focus on career. Life is meant to be lived joyfully and meaningfully.

Have time with your family and friends. Travel more.

Have savings.

Do things now which will help you grow.

Build connections.

And most importantly, always love God and do His will.

After all, the life we live now is temporary so let's create memories worth remembering by the people around us.

Love_16

January 9, 2022

Sunday