There are certain points in life that I felt defeated, suffocated, stressed out, exhausted, fearful, angry, and a time when I just wanted to leave and not come back.
When I feel overwhelmed with my emotions, circumstances and my current situation, I often cry and wonder what did I do so wrong for experiencing those things.
I'm having a hard time showing my emotions because I don't think what I feel is relevant or important. I cry to myself because I don't want to be an additional burden to my family or my friends. I know that all of them already has too much weight to carry on their shoulders so I don't want to add up to that.
I often realize that it's better for me tow rite it down than to burden the people around me. I share my troubles to them whenever it is done. I don't like sharing my troubles while I'm currently experiencing it since I know that it's a battle that only I can fight.
I have an older sister who is also a friend. She's beautiful inside and out. She often lends me money and never asks for interest. She shares what she has with me. She is never selfish and although we fight sometimes which I think is normal for siblings, we always make up at the end of the day.
Last night it was raining hard and my sister went home. She was drenched and I'm glad that she made it home safe. I was in my older sisters house last night so I wasn't at home for her. She was too stressed out with her job to the point that she cried and all she talked about is her stress in her job.
When I went home just this time, she was sleeping but I can feel her sadness and anger. Her phone was on silent mode but it keeps on receiving texts. I can feel her exhaustion and I know that she had enough. She's now ready to move out of her comfort zone and try new things.
If you can't cry, I'll do it for you. I know you hate showing your weak side but everyone has it and it's not a sin to be weak sometimes. You've fought enough, and you won. You are now free from anguish and anger. You are now out of your comfort zone and you are now ready for the new challenges you're about to face.
If you can't say that you're hurting, I'll be the one to get hurt for you. Just seeing you broken makes my heart ache. I know I haven't been the best sister to you but I also have the right to look after you. You've taken good care of me and now is the right time for me to do it as well.
I'll lend you my ears to listen and my heart to understand. I know what you've gone through that ungrateful employer of yours which see you irrelevant. I don't want to be hypocrite but I'm happy that you've found what you've been waiting to confirm before finally deciding to grow into a beautiful butterfly. Gone is the caterpillar and I welcome the butterfly in you.
I'll embrace you, knowing that you've been hurt too much. You won't hear me say a word but just allow me to be there for you while you are still hurting. I'll patiently warm you with my embrace until you're done hurting and you're ready to fight again.
I'll patiently wait for you to open up. Just as to how you understand me when I'm not my usual self, I'll do the same for you. I'm here not just as your sister but as your friend whom you can confide especially now that you have troubles within you. You have respected my moment of silence so I'll do the same for you.
I'm here for you always. I love you and you are my soul sister. I'm here for you in good times especially in the bad times. I'll always be on your side. You are my sister whom I dearly love. I hope to be with you during your dark moments as well.
Message to the employers/bosses out there:
If you are a boss or an employer, don't wait for your employee to get exhausted for your maltreatment to them. Even if you pay them a good amount of money, you can never make them stay because of that. It's your attitude towards them that matters.
I've experienced that kind of boss first-hand. I know how it feels to be pressured on a daily basis just because I can't reach his standards. I've experienced being humiliated in front of the students just because he felt as though we're not doing enough.
I've experienced working even during weekends and night time just because he's never satisfied with us. He makes unreachable deadlines and our over times are not even paid.
Even my coworkers had been exhausting to be with. My boss is already toxic and they added to it. Since they are older in the service than me, they thought that they can manhandle the newbies like me.
I told myself that even if I will be unemployed, I will never go back to that workplace of mine. I don't want to gamble my well being for a little amount which isn't even a minimum wage.
My sister experienced the same thing. I've been telling her to resign and look for a job which will surely pay and treated her good but she told me that she wasn't ready so when she finally had the last straw, I know that she'll never go back to that work of hers.
Message to the employees:
No job is not worth your life and well being. If you know that you're exhausted and the demand is way too much for you to handle, resign. Do not allow yourself to slowly die just for a few penny.
If your boss, workplace and workmates ate toxic, leave. Don't keep yourself in a job where you are not even appreciated for what you do.
Many people stay in a job evening it doesn't pay a good amount of money is simply because they felt that they are appreciated, they felt that they belong and most importantly, they are treated as humans.
As an employee, think of yourself as well. You must be healthy in all the aspects of your life. Don't just sit back and allow yourself to be bossed around especially when you know that you're doing the best that you can.
I had to go for a regular visit to the doctor when I was still working in my previous job. I had been vomiting because of my hyper acidity. I even had to take ferrous sulfate from time to time because I was anemic. I'm in constant medication because my tummy aches and whenever I had my monthly period, it's as if I can't move. I felt the pain as though my strength is sucked out of my body.
When my contract has ended, during the whole lockdown period, I felt much better. I am now 50 kilos and I my body is in a good shape. I don't look sickly anymore and that is all because I was out of that stressful environment.
I no longer need to mind my toxic boss and workmates. I no longer need to feel sad about how they treat me there. I am now all better and I'm excited and at the same time nervous for my new job.
Life is always a matter of choice and taking chances. It's always you to deciyfor why will happen to you. You must be firm to deciywhat is good for you. Never be afryro move out of your comfort zone. You will never know what will happen not until you've taken the first step out of the box.
January 21, 2021
But resigning from companies doesn't look good on our resume. I did had 5 companies already and mostly the reason why I resigned was because of either the company, the workplace or the level of stress. Trust me you can't say those reasons during a job interview as it will only backfire to you. Been there done that. Been unemployed for years now and even if I wanted to look for a job, I am afraid I might resign again whenever I don't feel like it.