Grades are just numbers, but somehow, it is what make the teachers keep their jobs. If there are no students, there are no teachers. But it doesn't give the parents the license to say what they want to say in the heights of their emotion due to the things about which are unfavorable.
It's been a tiring day for me. I had to go to school, go to the market and most importantly, I have to deal with a student who has never shown himself and asks for his grade to be changed. His parents are boastful and non negotiable. They are never willing to understand in the first place. They just wanted things to be done for them.
I am now questioning my passion and decision of teaching once more. Isn't it ironic how I've prayed and longed for this job for the longest time and get here I am asking myself if this is what I really want in the first place.
I had to deal with a parent who is close minded and a kid who is never present in my class. Aside from that, it's the first time I heard those hurtful words in the coarse of my teaching experience. I was never the one to blame. I should never be. I'm only doing my job but why is is that my fiery heart starts to fade.
My dreams, goals and expectations are no longer there. I'm starting to lose it. I know that it's just been two months since I started teaching in public school but I don't like it anymore. I don't appreciate it anymore. I feel like everything is indeed a big mistake in the first place.
"Wala man lang sa inyo ang nagmalasakit"
"Wag mong sabihin na nasasaktan ka sa sinabi ko dahil mas nasasaktan kaming mga magulang nya"
I don't like it really. How a teacher has to bend his or her principles in order to follow the ordeals of the parents who are "busy" and has an "independent child" who never speak to his parents about his studies.
So how come it is my fault now? How come I'm being blamed for this matter? They wanted his grade to be altered but it's against my principles. He doesn't deserve it after his parent treated me that way. How come I need to bend the right in order to accommodate their whims and rants in life?
It's toxic and instead of me enjoying my time and relaxing, here I am burdened just because of this one student who was never there in the first place. During these times, I question myself for being here in the first place. And now, I wanted to leave again and never come back.
You might say that I'm shallow or that I'm just starting so why give up now, but these things are just way too unacceptable for me. I don't want to live with this kind of environment. It's way too toxic and I healthy. I've always think about the things that I wanted to do in life. And now, I don't know anymore.
You might say that I'm just driven by my emotion or that many people are jobless who would want to be in my position but all I can think about at the moment is that, I don't care about it anymore. I just want something where I don't need to be bothered.
Honestly, my pulse is rising and I don't feel good since earlier today. And now I feel worse. I'm also human who feels hurt, tired, angry, sad or in other words I'm a human and I have feelings too. I'm just slowly losing my interest in my passion.
I know that more of these things are about to come but I'm definitely sure that I'll be able to surpass those but if it's too much and my heart and mind can't take it anymore, I will definitely choose myself and my life, over my passion.
I don't know until when I can hold on. I don't know until when I can tolerate those kind of feeling. I don't know until when I can keep up with the things that happen around me. I don't know. Maybe I'll eventually get tired and stop myself.
I am actually thinking about what ifs. What if I chose to stay in the BPO company? There, I was offered a promotion. There, I have the chance to once of the team leaders right away. There, my value and worth are definitely seen and I am well compensated. There, I already know the process and I already have the insights and I just needed more training since until now my body clock is still the same as when I was in the BPO industry.
I don't know, maybe this is my mistake which I'll never tell anyone. Do I regret my decision now? Yes I do. I regret it a lot. Maybe I'll just go abroad to work there as a teacher, where I'll be well compensated, I'll definitely be able to provide for my family needs. I'll be able to choose myself first.
Maybe this is what I really needed. Maybe it is where I really belong. Maybe... Just maybe...
November 29, 2021
Don't ever lose your confidence in such people like that. That's a public school, you know. They can't just order anyone like that. Where do they think their child is studying? To a private school, which they'll just pay teachers and teachers would obey what say in an instant? Calm down and think things through. If they would still insist, if I were you, I would raise the matter to the guidance office or the principal. They need to know the principles and rules of the school, and not their bidding will be abided.