God was there when I lost my father

My papa is a servant of God. When he was in his earlier years, he served on a Catholic church. He is also kind, friendly and all the things I can say about him are all positive. Not just because he's my father but because that is how he is described by the people who knew him.

Everything felt so surreal and it was just like a dream for me and the whole family. Day by day, we still do the things we should and allow ourselves to take as much rest and break thaw we needed. My mom is slowly coping with what happened and so are we. We are each other's fortress and much needed support.

My family has always included our papa in our prayers. My family is Catholic and they often watch online Sermon of the father on the live telecast on TV while I am a born again Christian who watches our online Sunday service. We always pray to God for papa. My personal prayer for my papa is always like this.

"Lord, may you heal my father completely, where he will no longer be in pain and he'll have a longer life, away from suffering, tears and pain."

I will also tell God how I wanted my father to have his own house where he is stress free and he can be at peace most of the times. I will cry and smile at the same time while praying as I can't bare to see my papa in so much pain that he often tells us how he can't understand himself, and how he can't do things the way he can before.

There was this one time when my papa cried saying that he can no longer see and he's afraid. I consoled him by telling him that we were just looking for an opthalmologist as he can't be in crowded places. He is 62 years old and has a lot of physical sickness. We need to make sure that when we bring him out for checkup he is safe and secured.

Sadly, he wasn't able to wait for it because he was called home by God last September 24. There were questions in my mind that has a definite answer which is why I'm making this entry today.

Where was God when I lost my papa?

Does God know how much pain I'm about to go through?

Is God there when we were praying for miracle?

Isn't He a God who answer prayers? Did He answer mine?

Those are just a few questions I realized after losing my papa. He is indeed a God of promise who answer prayers.

God was there when I lost my father. He was watching. He made His presence known by embracing the whole family with His love, peace, and joy. He is there and will always be there. He was the one who provided us wisdom on what to do and comfort as losing someone is not an easy experience and feeling.

The pain I'm feeling is felt by God. He knows my pain that's why He gives me rest by allowing me to sleep after crying. He allows me to never be alone. He allows me to stay safe and I have my family as my support system.

The God I serve is the God of miracles. He is the God who answer prayers. He is the God who rules the world and has control over everything in the world especially our lives. God answered my family's prayers.

He healed my father completely by taking Him home with Him in heaven where there is no more tears, pain, sorrow and He lives in a mansion designed only for Him. My father now walks in a path of gold adorned with jewels and papa can better serve God. It was the description in the Bible. My papa is now forever home in the arms of the Almighty God.

We prayed for miracle and it wasn't the kind of miracle I am expecting. Because I was expecting my father to come home to us but it wasn't the miracle that God has prepared for us. The miracle from God is the promise of eternal life and eternal joy in His presence. My father is now one of God's angels who looks after me and the whole family.

We often pray and ask for answers but we also have our own answers as though we are directing God of what is supposed to happen. I am hurt and I don't think I'll ever move on from losing my father but the fact that God is a good good father never changes. The fact that God is always there and He never leaves me alone is enough proof.

Whenever I feel sad and lonely, God will send someone to make me feel comforted. It might be my nieces and nephews, our cat named Oreo, our dog named Yogurt and many more to remind me that I am never alone in this battle of pain.

Me and my whole family are still grieving and rejoicing. We are grieving as we can no longer have our father physically and rejoicing because my father is now forever home in the presence of God.

My father's last moments still replay on my mind like a broken record. Tearing my heart every single time. But then my father showed up in my dream and he was happily smiling and laughing. My father is happy.

The priest who blessed my father's body gave his sermon.

"God did not ask for our permission when he's going to give us life, he also doesn't ask permission when he is going to take it."

"Life is a journey and it has a final destination. Your papa's journey on earth has ended but it continues in heaven."

"Each of us has a purpose. As long as we haven't carried out that purpose, our journey here on earth continues."

"We ask God why things happen because we are hurt but we never ask God why we are blessed when we are happy."

This is why it's important to cherish every moment spent with our loved ones. No matter what we do right now for our father can no longer be appreciated by him since he's not physically with us anymore. But his presence is still felt in our house. Every corner of our house reminds me of my papa.

Losing someone is painful and no words are comforting enough to mend a broken heart but God's promise of eternal life is what makes me look forward in life.

I have already accepted that papa is no longer with us but I'm still on process on how to continue life without him. I know what should be done but I will allow myself to cry and be sad as it is only normal to feel this way.

I love you pa, forever and always.

Love_16

October 12, 2021

Tuesday