Breach of Contract

I've been feeling unwell and thinking of this day, and now it has come. The anxiety of waiting and has now reached its peak. I know that this day will come and I now have lots of questions about how will I be able to get though this.

With every decision I make, I always consider the people around me. I don't do things just for myself but I make sure that my family will benefit from it as well. After resigning from my second job to pursue my passion which is now my third job, I've always been torn into choosing what's practical and what's impractical. I am a daughter, a sister and aunt and a friend who's only goal is to make sure that my family is in good condition which is one of the reasons why I'm working.

Being said that, I was unable to complete a one year contract of service in the BPO company. So now, I have to pay back what they lent me. My contract stated that I'm supposed to stay in the company for a year but since I was unable to do so, I needed to pay them back for it. Nonetheless, regrets are of no use now.

I've been really silent and restless since November 15, Monday. Because it's been a month since I resigned. My mom and my siblings didn't know about the amount I have to pay because I don't want to trouble them about it anymore. I do have money but it was borrowed and I'm not heartless to ask for it to be paid right away now because it was my sibling who borrowed it.

I was told not to worry about it and just pray for it but the truth is I can't help but worry. I have debts for buying my laptop which I haven't paid back yet. I have bills to pay and I don't know where it get the money to pay for it. I'm stressed out.

I was told to cross the bridge when I get there and now I'm here, unable to cross the bridge since I don't have the boat to use for sailing. I feel terrible because I don't want to trouble anyone. I'm back to my old self little by little where I don't share my struggles to others because I just keep things to myself and here in read cash.

I was told that everything will definitely be sorted out. I know that but I need to do something. I have no money. I haven't had my salary. And if ever I get my salary, I will make sure to pay my debts but now there are additional in my debts which I need to settle right away.

I was told to enjoy this rainy season of my life. Rainy because there are lots of trouble and struggles this season. Truth is, when I have a problem I can't enjoy as much as I'd love to. I have to think of how I can actually pay for it.

I was asked if I'm regretting my decision to resign by that time and I told them that I somehow regret resigning with no money. With my desire to make up for the time that I was unable to help my family, I've been spending all my money which makes me feel irresponsible and guilty right now.

I may have not been a good money steward which made me feel ashamed of myself. I've been reluctant and now, I'm reaping what I've sown. I should have saved and started up a back up plan not just to rely on what I have today.

I breached the contract so now I have to pay for it. My current job is the fruit of my hard work and it is an answered prayer. I know that God will definitely provide for it and I shouldn't worry but I also need to do something. I know that God is always on time and that he is always in control of everything. I trust God and I believe that He make all things work together for my good.

I still have a lot to learn, experience, do and understand and I know that one day I'll look back to this day and see that I was able to survive this season of my life. This is a test at the moment and it will definitely be a testimony in the future.

Love_16

November 17, 2021

Wednesday