Three Secrets To A Happy Marriage

Movies, novels and fairy tales always ends in 'happily ever after' once the main characters gets married. But the wedding day is not the end, it is just the start of a new life. Life together as a married couple. Marriage is not always full of rainbows and butterflies, just like a song lyrics says, instead it is full of ups and downs that a couple needs to deal with. Once they are able to deal with all the ups and downs, the problems, then that's the time they could that they can say they are truly happy.

Marriage is when two imperfect people cohabit and lives together in accordance with the law of man and law of God. Since two imperfect people are together, they have to deal with their imperfection together and that's where the challenge starts. A husband and a wife can only see each other's negativities once they are already living together in one roof, unlike when they are just boyfriend-girlfriend.

I had a talk with my mom during her last visit at my house. I asked her how's dad doing, and it led to a deep talk where I asked her how she and dad managed to stay together after all these years, they've been together for about 41 years now and their marriage is one of the best I have ever observed. It's not that they didn't encounter any problem while raising me and my siblings, but because they stick together no matter what. They always try to fix any misunderstanding though they seldom have those - theirs is the kind of relationship I want to have with my future wife.

According to mom, here's their secrets to how they stick together after all those years.

Commitment

Imagine, you are on a boat or a ship one stormy night, you need to keep the boat steady to keep yourself safe and to keep you going to your destination safely. What can help you? You need to have an anchor. In marriage, commitment is like an anchor.

It will keep their relationship steady even during the stormiest times of their married life. When they are truly committed to their marriage, even during the hardest times, they will choose to honor their union and stay together no matter how hard it is. And they do it because of respect and mutual love.

"If you are truly committed to your marriage, even if your spouse wronged you, you will choose to forgive quickly and apologize if needed."

Like I've mentioned earlier, my parents also experienced problems. They faced a big problem once, but they never considered divorce as the answer. Instead, when facing problems they try to reminisce, look back, and recall what they liked about each other which led to their marriage.

She told me that even though they are already getting old, they still try to make their love for each other in flame. Dad writes a love letter for her from time to time, they go on dates together, and they tell each other sweet words even if we already find it 'gross'. That's how committed they are with each other.

Teamwork

Marriage requires teamwork. It requires two people to work together to make it a success. Whenever problems comes, instead of trying to solve it alone, couples must do their best to resolve it together. The word 'we' is vital because it will make the both of you not to act in accordance to what you want but in accordance to what the both of you agree with.

"Marriage means teamwork. If we are not a team, then we are not husband and wife, but roommates. We always try to come in agreement together. When it comes to money matters, what he earns is mine and what I earned is his, meaning it is both 'ours'. When thinking about relaxing, we always consider each other as well, so we often go on dates to relax together."

When misunderstanding arises, your priority is not to prove who is at fault and who's not, but your priority must be how to clear up the misunderstanding and have peace.

Respect

Respect is what holds the marriage. Even when you don't agree to what your spouse wants, always show respect. Showing respect also shows how much you care for each other. Instead of getting all mad and making the conflict worse, try to think in your spouse' shoes, it will help you understand his or her point of view. Even if you don't agree, or it may not be the most brilliant idea for you, try to compromise sometime. It will move your spouse to compromise as well the next time you come to a disagreement.

"To show how much I respect your dad, I never try to show my disagreement when there are other people around, instead I talk to him about it when it's just the two of us. Even if he is not around, I never badmouth him by telling others about his negative traits, that how I show that I genuinely respect him as the head of the family."

But make sure to not just think that you respect your spouse, you have to make him or her feel it too. Simple gestures that shows your respect will let them feel it and that's what matters the most.

At the end of the day, your marriage is still not perfect since in the first place, both you and your spouse are imperfect. But if you try to apply these three simple secrets, your married life will be a lot better, and you'll learn to value your marriage more. And I want to thank my mom for sharing these secrets which I think will be valuable for me when I marry the girl I love.