Why and How I messed up so bad.

23 41
Avatar for Leymar012201
3 years ago
Topics: Writing, Life, Reality, Prompt

Questions are born when we want to know something in our life but questions are also born when we experience the ups and downs of life.

Questions will give us the right answers only if we ask the right questions but sometimes even we ask the right questions still there is something missing in our puzzle.

Life throws us the most complicated questions that we can ever face off in our journey. Questions that will make us suffer for the entire of our life. Questions that will consume us and dragging us to the dark side.

Did you ever blame life for it's unfair rules and judgements to you for ending up being the looser or failure sometimes?

Our minds is like the vast ocean that hasn't been explored yet and there's a lot of questions roaming around in there. Thoughts that can be negative and postive at the same time. Sometimes our minds don't let us sleep until it's hunger for answers is not satisfied.

Unsplash.com

All of us have brains that are seeking for knowledges and different things. Our curiousity is driving us to do so , we need to satisfy that curiousity or else it will create various questions that will make our minds uneasy.

This uneasiness will make us stagnant, unable to move on and focus to other things going on around us until we fill in the missing piece that will make our mind at ease. Sometimes others influence triggers our curiousity to become wild and uncontrollable that resulting for us to try different things and especially those bad and illegal things.

And upon trying this things, we will come to the point of questioning why did we do that kind of things even we know it's not that beneficial to us. Questions that will make us questioned our self worth.

WHY AND HOW I MESSED UP SO BAD?

You see my life has been a peaceful one since I was young. We are living a simple life , we don't have a lot of money but still happy. As I grow up, all of the complicated things going on around us are starting to sink in to my mind. I finally understand to

In our journey here in earth we will meet various people that will have a part on how our life goes on and I met mine that changed my way of living and making me to take different path which is not right anymore.

GRADE 11 THE BEGINNING

This happened when I'm still studying in senior high school in Saint Mary's University located at the next town which is the capital of our province , Bayombong. I came to a public school then transfered there to have a better education as they are suggesting when I'm choosing where school to enroll.

Upon my stay there I've met many students with different walks of life and students with different attitudes. I'm a freshmen in that university and I'm the type of person where I don't interact to other students unless they invite me because I don't know what's going on in their minds If they like me or not.

I studied Grade 11 and Grade 12 there, being a senior high is not that easy compared when I'm in high school. Senior high is the 2 yrs preperation before going to college. From the first semester of the school year it was a hectic schedule and all our subject teacher were terrors. They are the rules within their field of professionalism. They throw harsh words to us when we made even the smallest mistakes. But I didn't take it personally for they are just doing their way of molding and improving us to be ready when college ,thats for me I don't know to others.

Grade 11 subjects are more difficult compared back then but it varries from what strands you belong. My strand back then was HUMSS or Humanities and Social Sciences that mainly focuses in oral reports , speeches , writing articles , realsearch , general mathematics, phylosophy, political science and many more. If you are in this strand, you must need a lot of confidence to stand alone in the stage, if you have stage fright you need to conquer it once and for all because that will stop you.

Months has pass by and a lot of quizes , exams and performances was already completed. And finally second semester is waving and just like before it was hell to be exact. I stayed up all night to finish projects , homeworks and reviewing for exams. Thanks God that all of the hardworks and sleepless nights pays off because at the end of the school year and it's graduation day , I belong to top 10 , I'm in 8th place, my final average was 92 point something so how much more the average of our 1st place, I can't imagine. In that moment I'm very happy about my achievements so we had a little celebration at home.

GRADE 12 TURNING POINT

Upon graduating in grade 11 it's automatically we are promoted to move on to grade 12 and we were happy about it, all of my classmates. I've made some friends through out the school year of grade 11.

As usual the schedule and all the activities to be accomplish through out the semester was hell , as in hell. We had a teacher that announced that he's the lion of the class , a teacher where in she is the law , a teacher wherein he is the commander and we are his soldiers and last but not the least , a teacher wherein he is a beast and that was our teacher in PolSci or Political Science. He's attitude was like a beast but I really admire him. I respect him the most of all the teachers I encountered. He's taming us, especially my classmates that brings troubles to the class. We are like a puppies in his palms.

In terms in academic, experienced activities after activities , exams after exams and performances after performances. It was a hectic schedule and we are worrying how we gonna finifh all of that in just 2 to 3 days. All of this push us to our limits and to surpass them. We finish our final exams for the first sem and luckily I didn't failed but my lowest grade was 80, I think it was phylosophy.

From that certain result of my grade , the demonic side of my mother triggered, she called me from abroad , she was an OFW , she talked to me and stab me with harsh words, words that should not be told to a son. She also stop funding my tuion for the 2nd semester. She said that I'll take care of it. From that moment my mind goes empty , hearing those words from her without knowing and experiencing all the hardworks I made in order to pass. She even compare that the eduction back then was thesame as of now and I had to disagree to that. She didn't know all of my sacrifices. At the end she was after for the Grade. Why is that f"ck"ng grade so important.

From that sudden turn of events, I loss my interest to study anymore because they don't care about my sacrifices and efforts , what they value is that GRADE. From that moment I didn't pay more attention in my studies and that made my classmates and teachers to approach me. Asking what's been going on with my life. Why now that we are in 2nd semester , I suddenly loss interest to study. I'm still doing what I have to do in order to pass but I'm not doing my best anymore to be at the top because that doesn't make me important to my mother if I do that. Despite that I still graduated but I do not belong to top 10 anymore.

Those judgement from my mother hits me so badly leaving a deep scar to my heart and even now as I write this, it still hurts. But If I will let it imprison me , I will not grow so I decided to continue my study again and strive again not for the sake of grade but for my self.

Every single students don't want to hear judgement especially from their own parents. Every single students wants to make their parents proud but we are hoping that our parents can see all the hardwork and sacrifices we made to complete our journey in studying.

This is my entry for the prompt made by maam @JonicaBradley "QUESTIONS".See the rules below if you want to make one.

The rules are simple:

  1. Write about darkness

  2. Write 100% original content

  3. Write at least 600 words

  4. Tag meย @JonicaBradley

  5. Have Fun!

Lead image:Unsplash.com

Sponsors of Leymar012201
empty
empty
empty

10
$ 14.17
$ 13.45 from @TheRandomRewarder
$ 0.50 from @JonicaBradley
$ 0.10 from @Jane
+ 3
Sponsors of Leymar012201
empty
empty
empty
Avatar for Leymar012201
3 years ago
Topics: Writing, Life, Reality, Prompt

Comments

I wish you all the best, kabsat!

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Thank you po๐Ÿ˜Š

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Iba talaga epekto pag galing sa mother yung panghuhusga.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes po pero nasanay na ako ๐Ÿ˜… parang radiyo ko nlang pag nakakasalita siya ng mga masasakit na salita

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Such a big heart ๐Ÿค—

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes po๐Ÿ’•Kasi it doesn't change the fact na she's my mother

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Totoo yan. Sya parin nag luwal sayu ๐Ÿ˜Š

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Waaaah. I feel youuu :( I hope you are fine right now. Laban lang, kaya mo yan! ๐Ÿ’š

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes po..I need to kasi sarili ko din lang nmn po ang hindi mangiiwan sakin sa huli eh .kaya laban๐Ÿ’•

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes, tanging sarili natin.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes po. Thank you po sa sponsorship po..๐Ÿ’•Godbless you more po

$ 0.00
3 years ago

No problem! :) ๐Ÿ’š

$ 0.00
3 years ago

May mga parents talaga na looking forward sa gradea ng anak nila kasi yun lang daw maipagmamalaki nila pero mali din yung pagsalitaan ka ng masasakit na salita. Sana ok na kayo ngayon. Keep going lang, wag ipapariwara ang sarili ah? Maging matatag ka sasarili mo kasi alam mo, sa huli sarili mo lng din ang kagaagapay mo kaya laban lang ikaw โ˜บ๏ธ

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes po .Ok naman na po but we're not that close po. Nasanay naman napo ako sa kaniya. Pag nakakasalita siya ng nakakasakit , pasok sa kanan labas sa kaliwa .diko na pina iistay dito sa utak kopo kasi mababaliw lang ๐Ÿ˜Š. Kaya po laban.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Tama laban lang. โ˜บ๏ธ

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Wait, till now ba di kapa rin sinusuportahan sa studies mo? Baka kaya nasabi nya yon ksi alam mo na. Nakakapagod mag OFw tapos ganorn, pero okay naman na kayo now?

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ok naman na po . Pero we're not that close po since bata po ako kasi masakit po talaga siya magsalita..pero mas okay narin po cguro na magipon ako then para walang masabi po .kasi when it comes to money po, delikado.๐Ÿ˜…. Iniintindi ko nalang po.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Pero anak ka nya, so bakit sya nasa ibang bansa? Para sa sarili nya and not for you? What kind of m ๐Ÿ˜ฉ, parang ang iba lang.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Anak naman po ako siguro๐Ÿ˜… kasi wala naman ako nasasaganap na anumalya about it. Ganun lang talaga cguro po...Naitatanong ko din yan sa sarili ko pag umiiyak ako sa mga times na di maganda ang atmosphere, pero I never ask them about it , sasakit lang ulo ko and ayaw ko ng ganon๐Ÿ˜… Kaya nagsusumikap nalang po ako na mag ipon kahit paunti unti. Since nakagraduate ako ng gr.12 dina ako humingi ng pera sa kanila and kahit noon naman diko hilig humingi ng pera sa kanila, kung ano ang ibibigay nila.yun n wala nang hirit pa. Sa tingin ng iba my life was great as only child but they don't know what's been going on through my existence. Andrama po no .anyways be Happy lang po๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Sana di nalang sila nag anak if ganyan ang itatrato nila sayo. You're trying your best, seems like your best wasn't good enough. Pero goods rin yang ginagawa mo, ipakita mong kaya mo. Wag lang silang magiging proud sayo pag nakatapos ka. Sa una lang naman sila tumulomg.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes po but I Can't still abandon them when I'm sucessful na . Sila din inspiration ko .Lalo na mga pinakita nila.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

So ano na life mk ngayon? Student or working? So far my mother is so supportive to us. And never nagalit ng sobra samin. Sobrang bait nun

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Nagstop palang po ako for now and Balak mag aral this coming enrollment po pero need kopa po mag ipon kasi natrauma na ako sa mga words ni mama. Sakto meron si readcash kaya kailangan hindi maging tamad .Mahal na mahal po kayo ng nanay niyo po ah.๐Ÿ˜Š

$ 0.00
3 years ago