He's my instrument💗

There are people came into our life in a sudden time. That sometimes we ask ourselves is this man really exist? Is this man change me?

God sent me an instrument to make my life into goodness. This person makes my life change. He change my perspective in life that there's a way in changing life into a better living with God. It happened after my darkest past!

Aweee let me share to you this person. Hahahaha kinikilig ako😍😅

Where we've known each other?

Actually, he sent me a friend request in facebook. He wave to my messenger and of course wave back is the key HAHA! so yah, we're throwing chitchats for us to getting to know each other.

Way back third year college, that's the time I know him virtually also known as "chatmate". As time goes by getting to know him was really hit me even my first impression to him was a 'badboy'. So then my impression towards him is an opposite the way he is. We're became so close to each other even through online.

I am in my 4th year college.

Our communication was not really time to time because we're not in a relationship. But i'm in the point that I always updating him even I feel he's not interested to me hahaha tanga lng! I don't know why I keep myself insisting to that person whose even feel me that he don't want me. Not so smooth actually but Life must go on😅 HAHA

I'm about finish my internship and that is the time we meet up. Yes "first meet!" That feeling of heart beats so fast while approaching towards to him (please feel me, it's first meet) haha. So, thats it! We see each other for the first time. It was so glad that I decided to meet him even i'm busy preparing lesson plan for monday because with that I let myself experience of hows the feelings of being with stranger hahaha stranger gyd?

One thing that I was feel kilig is so WEIRD, I don't know why I feel inlove with this small actions from him which is it is just a normal. Haha naboang njd ko kadali.

" He is just only paid the usual fare we rode"

Seeee, super duper simple action but its getting into my nerve HAHA!

Fast forward,

I graduated and going to take the board. This time I'm busy taking review day by day for the final exam in my life. And this is the time 'he courted me'

As you can see as what I try to let you know with my previous article, I am with my depression while reviewing the board exam.

So, what I respond to him when he ask me is... I'm not sure if this is the right time because I am in the process of healing from my past and I am now taking board exam, so I need full force to reach my dreams. Fortunately, he waited for almost years. Don't get me wrong if this is the set up before because I don't want to enter relationship if I wasn't ready. Ready to take the risk of what are the uncertainties coming for the both us. Of course, I'll make it sure to the fullest that it is not the same scenario from my past.

Even Time is running, Month is changing and Year is counting..

He never leave me!

He is there when even i'm about to slap the words to him that I don't want him! and telling that he should leave me. I was in the moment also that I am underestimated myself but he never fail me to make me worth in this world. And also this is one thing that I looooooooove the most being communicating with him is he lead me to walk again with God🥺

I was in the terrace and looking up the thousand stars in the sky with brimming tears in my eyes.I spit this words in the air.......

Lord, you already know why I still not accepting him to be with me but if he will stop courting me and left me, this is my fault.

This is the exact word! It is my fault because why its hard for me to be with him and accept him as my lover where in fact its been a year and also were mutual... the reason why is my heart still not ready. It was so painful because this innocent guy I've let him waited with no assurance and I feel guilty with that.

I don't know if I only feel this way that have feelings to the person but heart is afraid.

Years fast. Time runs. Time heals. Luckily enough!

I already healed myself.

I already walk by faith with God.

I already find myself.

I already open my heart.

I already decided to stand up again.

I already accepted circumstances in life.

And I already to START AGAIN!

And ......

Ready to answer him with YES!💗

God sent me this person! Because whatever years had past, whatever life encountered if love exist by him this person is really meant for you.

And he's really meant for me💗

Maybe u feel BITTER but please let me feel this BETTER💛✌