I'm Losing My Color

Back in elementary until summer before I went to high school, there was this story I wrote about a girl who is friends with a dance group. I can't quite remember the flow of the story now since it has been around six years ago but I remember I enjoyed the process of writing it. I once stayed up because my idea was overflowing and I didn't want it to disappear if I wait until morning but I do remember it was a crazy idea tho because I made the main character to sleep in a refrigerator. No acceptable reason, I just wanted to write a conflict because the story was bland revolving around dance practices and little flirting scenarios.

Current me would laugh and cringe at that story if only I kept it for future reading. Unfortunately, I burnt or threw it so my mom wouldn't read it because I don't want her to think that I am invested in romance at a young age. It would be fun to critique my old writing and be proud of myself for the improvement of my writing skills over the years.

However, it is sad that I am losing my color. What I mean by this is, although younger me has poor writing skills compared to me now, it is undeniable that she was more nurturing of the skills that she has. How come I was able to fill that three or four notebook? Now I can't even write that much and I also lost the interest to read. I can't tell that it's because I am busy in college because I sure do have time to surf the internet or play mobile games.

I don't know how to bring her back. Every time I try, I would find an excuse. Maybe I just need a deeper self reflection because honestly it scares me how I downgraded when it comes to making use of my skills. Hell, I used to practice piano and guitar. I would learn spanish every day. Now I am just a lazy college student who is late in passing her modules and barely participates in group activities.

Like really I have been trying to improve myself for so many months. It is evident in my articles but I keep coming back to the square one. But I am proud of myself for being self-aware of these destruction that I am in and for finding a way to improve myself no matter how struggling I am.

May all of us be in good hands.