23 And Lonely; Should That Count As Freedom?”

This is what i tell myself "Loneliness is freedom" A lot of people like me want companionship but we don't realize that companionship comes with attachments and with attachments comes with the loss of freedom, the fact that i'm lonely now means I have the opportunity and freedom in the world to do what I want to do and be who I want to be and talk to who I want to talk to and do the things I want to do to live my best life, I must take advantage of that and be grateful...

But right now I literally feel something is missing, and my whole Christmas wouldn't be complete without that thing found.. I guess I'm reacting based on several other things, but in some other aspect I still feel happy and comfortable all by myself.. There's still enough time ahead of me to dwell on something like this or maybe I just need to have the moment right now to be at peace with myself.

But this is how I conquer this with just one question to myself "How am I feeling right now?" A lot of us are so caught up in the way that other people perceive us and we take into account people's opinion about us, and this is how depression starts cause we lose sight of how we feel.. not just that, this is how anxiety starts and this is how negative self talk starts and we become too focused on what people say about us but in reality they aren't thinking about you but their own problem and if it's the other way they don't have anything going on in their lives that they put so much attention in ruining yours..

Some people like me are going to have to learn this the hard way, but when we realize that true joy and happiness is found by changing our believe systems and thought routine and changing the main course.. You and I can have all the time in the world chasing after the crazy sides of ourselves, having everything I desire but it's a decision we would have to make… “Does it worth it?” Do we know what we seek and desire for?” After temporary satisfaction, what next?”

Loneliness isn't a bad thing afterall because we don't have it all doesn't mean we don't live happy, maybe I was feeling too insecure, or just seeing people around me and feeling envious of what they have that I see in the open.. but instead of learning things the hard way why don't I exclude myself from that feeling.. I think I'm running too fast and i need to slow down, I may have all of that but if the main goal of staying in that relationship is to satisfy my personal needs then I don't need to be in anyone..

I really wouldn’t find true love out there because of my intentions, I need validation out there to prove that I can do this and I still would get along. But I need to be confident and much more secure with myself, maybe I just need something comforting and this eve of Christmas feels a lot different to me.. I know a lot of people will tell me that I’m in a paradox and to know if I’m worthy of love. Send your comments in, let me get to know your thoughts towards this..

This is a message to everyone in the same position. If you really wanted Someone, well it's so easy.. you could be in the gym faking like you’re doing a squat or push up.. but we ain't willing to do all of that and the reason is because it's not worth it but under the pressure of listening to what everybody is saying to you.

But most of the time people will just say stuffs and not thinking about the implications or repercussions of what they are saying, they just say it and it feels literally like a conversation and if you try to confront them about that they'll be like "I was joking and I never knew you took it personal" But it already happened..

You know what i just did, I made my loneliness a lesson to others making myself completely elevated and motivated.. this is already a message, the fine boy mentality though.. wanting to get all the attention..

This is where I’ll put a stop to this, everything has its time and season… Merry Christmas dear friends..

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December 25th 2021