LOVE is What you Know.

"I always want to be with him, he gives me butterflies and makes me complete. I am certain I'm in love!"

"I made a horrible mistake! We barely sit down to have reasonable conversations, we are just not compatible. I want out!

It might interest you to know that the same person made those statements above, just 6 months apart.

Well, what went wrong? What happened to their love? Or wait, were they ever in love at all? Many people have made the mistake of entering a marital covenant with the wrong ones based on misinterpreted feelings. That is why many have dated, engaged and even married people that they should have just said 'Hi' to on the street and pass. What can help us make the right decisions when it comes to potential mates?

Our feelings can be misleading, this is the pure truth. We take what is not for 'what is' and what is for 'what is not.' Of course this is not inevitable. We can take mastery of our feelings. We just have to learn the different stages of Romance and make decisions based on what we know. There are three stages to our feelings, and that is what we will consider.

• Attraction: what you see

• Infatuation: what you feel

• True Love: what you know

Attraction

Attraction is simply what you see. This is what you experience when you meet someone for the first time. You feel an instant attraction to them, and you want to get closer to them at that very moment. But this stage, most times, is very short-lived. After spending some time with them you realize that you feel less attracted to them with each passing day.

That is why we can't count the number of people that have made our hearts race when we first see them. But that feeling most times eventually cools off. However, some do progress to the next stage which is the Infatuation stage.

Infatuation

Infatuation is what you feel. You have spent time with that special person and the feeling seems to be growing ever stronger. You have indeed found the one, or have you? Infatuation stage is very tricky. It can blind you to some obvious danger signs in a relationship. Really, this stage is what is often referred to when people say quotes like "Don't just follow your heart, make use of your brain too. " You can't really explain why you like someone, you just do.

Just like attraction, infatuation can fade away with time. Spend more time with the person you think you are crazily in love with. Get to know them and their qualities. Pay attention to how they treat others. This will determine whether the infatuation will fade off, or will advance to the love stage.

Love

Love is what you know. You have spent enough time with this person and love what you are getting to know so far. You are well past the infatuation stage because you have fallen in love with the individual, not their physical appearance or the butterflies they are giving you. It's safe to conclude that you are in love.

While some people's love passes through that stages, it is absolutely not a must for true love to develop in that manner. My mom always tell me what she felt when she first met my dad; nothing. He was just like another stranger, no connection whatsoever. But as she spent time with him and got know him better and his qualities, she was able to develop strong feelings for him. So, attraction at first sight does not necessarily have to happen before you fall in love.

But then, there is another term that many make use of and believe in.

Love at first sight?

If you are an advocate of Love at first sight, the earlier you do away with that belief the better. There is no such thing. You can't love what you don't know, hence what you are feeling is attraction. True love involves knowing all there is to know about someone (good and bad) and still have the strong conviction. You are not making that decision based on how your heart raced or some superficial feelings.

Therefore, the next time you think you are falling in love:

• Give it time

• Get to know the person

• Observe how he/she interacts with others, especially family members

• Explore every aspects. Don't be superficial by seeing just want you want to see.

It is not a lot of work, unless you don't want to make a lifetime commitment.

Just my own little knowledge about the romance cycle that I wanted to share. I would love to know your thoughts, let me know if you agree or disagree and why.

12/10/21