Don't Abuse Me Again
Date: January 17, 2022Aloha Monday read.cash citizens❣️ Even the weather makes everyone lazy especially me, let us keep starting our week with the big bang effects to hit the top on rock.
The Gallery Raid is what trends today and I want to join with the trend which I decided to make now but circumstances happen which I can't control and I really need to express before I explode. Pardon me, if it sounds like a rant, I just really need to breathe and I don't want to do it on Facebook because Marites is waiting and double sided people and toxic people are there.
I am so sick of being myself because I still do care the person who hurt and torturing me emotionally. I want to fight back to heard my side but they made me voiceless again and again. Oh, I made it to myself co'z I let them do it, nothing to blame but me. I always asked myself, Why I am like this? Why I still care people who cause me pain? Why I still love them? Why I let them? Why oh why?
They called me strong without knowing the value within, without knowing how fragile I was that once I was broke everything would follow. From one mistake to two mistakes to countless mistakes that slow down my worth and identity. Losing my worth in the validity of my emotions, the loss of the things I want and the loss of what I love. If I love this thing and they don't, it will be rejected but if it suits their taste or preference it is approved. If they want this for me, I oblige to do it because it makes them happy. Sometimes their happiness is my brokenness as I lose my identity and slowly become a puppet.
I love them so much that is why I did everything to make them please even my opinions are useless. Throughout my existence, their voice is the rule and nothing more. What they said, I obey because I love them but time goes by what they wants for me is not what I love to do. If they likes white, I love black. All of that I obey because I know they wants what is best for me which I am grateful but doesn't they have rights to hurt me again and again. I can accept it physically because in just a few days bruises and wounds will be healed but emotionally it is a lifetime of scars , especially those words I've heard na tagos hanggang kaluluwa. Words kills me again and again.
Why did I let them do this to me? Simple, I just love them so much and respect them so, like what could younger do to older people but I think I just give too much that nothing is left for myself. I thought I'd overcome "pleasing people" but I was totally wrong. Maybe one day, if I have enough courage I will leave like nothing happens but my heart says "please don't push me to do". I think I will just wait for my heart to get tired of loving but never forgiving. Hopefully this time around after seeing my fragileness, you will realize that I am still human and not a puppet of yours. My heart and love is too big to always give forgiveness, please don't abuse my kindness co'z the demon inside of me is just sleeping so don't abused me again. Let me drive and enjoy my life's journey co'z it will happen once. This phrase will be closed soon and I welcome a new one.
Now, I could say I am okay but not totally of course hahaha. Thanks for listening and reading❣️.
Happy to see you in sponsors block❣️Special thanks to @Dreamer for your sponsorship, it means so much and inspires me to do my best. Woah, I never expect the sponsorship especially the amount🙈. Thank you so much❣️
Lead image is mine.
JustMaryel sending you Love❣️
Ganyan talaga ang buhay mare minsan kahit ano pang gawin nila satin kahit nakakasakit sila satin di padin natin talaga maiiwasang mahalin or pag bigyan sila ng pansin. Hays kung pwede nga eh, gusto ko na din sila alisin sa buhay ko pero wala ganon talaga ang buhay