I don't need a friend

They say, I need a friend to talk to. A friend’s ear to unload my frustration. Someone I can trust.

But I don’t need a friend, I’m fine by myself. I don’t need someone to spread rumours about me. I don’t need another problem, I’ve got too much problems already.

Girl friends come and go, none is ever faithful. Girls have their own issues, are often emotionally sensitive, which many times leads to them giving you away faster than a Ferrari. Girls aren’t good friends to my kind. I’m too loyal to a friend.

Other people's secrets are sacred to me.

Nothing is a secret anymore once you open up your heart to someone you think you trust. Those tight friend hugs when they cross my mind. My body shiver, goosebumps all over my skin. Restless is the word to describe how I feel.

Regret is the word fit for my stupidity, welcoming wolves in my life with delight only to make me, despite all humankind. If I need a friend, it’ll be a bird. With wide wings, that can take my secrets to the end of the world.

Yes, imagine you have a loyal friend. How beautiful life would have been? Ladies will have some real listening machine that will listen to us as we empty up our chests and take that deep breath of relieved. Gentle men too will probably stay strong in their relationships, because they have some loyal friends to listen and support them without becoming the talk of the town. Their secrets safe.

Sometimes it’s worth finding other ways to get out our frustrations and the burden of our problems than friends.

Find something you love to do. Something you're passionate about that occupied your mind at difficult times. For me, I decorated (not spending on more things) I just move things around, find other things from the garage, give them new purposes (to cheer me up) Write and write and write about anything I could think of. Gardening... Bake... sometimes I just chat with my daughter on iMessage during their breaks at school. Sometimes, I chat with my husband while he’s at work. Chat with my son anytime I want. I just feel a lot more comfortable with my son. He’s very supportive of things I want to do.

Look for comfort in safe places and people that won’t hurt you down the road. Give your family a chance to be your comfort zone and your confident.

A million friends are not friends, they have a million friends of their own too. You’re just an acquaintance. Poor you, they must stab you in the back and you never saw it. All you saw was the fake smile, the jokes, and laughter.

And poor them. They must dread every moment I’m with them. My presence bitter to swallow. What a bitter pill to throw down their throats daily, when they are forced to talk about their private lives infront of me. Their own pain, and struggles exposed to the one girl they considered an enemy, simply because they had no idea where they belong and where they should stand. What a hard stressful guessing job it might have been for these poor girls.

None was straight and healthy in the brain to tell me the ugly truth. They were too cowards to expose their own insecurity. They themselves doubted one another’s friendship and loyalty. They risk sharing their own shameful inner thoughts and things they wouldn't like to share with a stranger, by not been honest beings. Because I was a stranger in that group, I just didn't know it.

I’ve learned a lesson, bitter, yet it taught me to be myself in heart and soul. It helped me to recognise my existence. It opens my eyes to the importance of loving myself before others. It made me realised my family was always there for me, but I chose not to see it.

It’s an experience that allowed me to find peace inside me, to find comfort in myself. Everything good that I needed was inside me all along, but I was too busy ignoring my existence, too busy living in an enormous world instead of living and nurturing my own little nest.

Anyhow, life is not plain. It’s supposed to have challenges, so we may learn the truth to guide us to be safe, to be human beings in our own rights in our own little world, in our own ways, to be comfortable in our own skins.

Next time you feel you need a friend, try your loved ones first, you little family circle.

Copyright: @JoyOfWomanhood 11-202

[sponsor]

I'm a fulltime mum. My writings is my escape at difficult times when my depression gets in the way. I'm passionate about writing. I believe in myself, although I can't get a job with my derpession. I am determine to make it on my own with my writings. I refuse to let others decide what I can and cannot do. I am not willing to be made useless anymore beyound my depression.

I've raised a big family with no friends or family support, to me it's a great achivement if I can do that with depression, then I believe I can do anything, I am passionate about.

My writings are none fictions. I write about others life experiences, I put what is happening is society in writing, the valnurable cry that goes unheard, someones sad story or happy story.

I write about my life too, and when I do, I mention at the top " it's my story" with my hope someone in the same situation will find it comforting to know they are not alone.

Writing helps channel my mind, preventing it from going wild bringing in all sorts of unwanted dangerous thoughts that drowns me deeper in the dark. It's a therapy that doesnt cost a penny and very accesabile to me anytime I need it.

Thank you for reading and thank you for your kindness to support and sponsor my work.