Today Sucks

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Avatar for JonicaBradley
2 years ago

Today started sucking at 12:30 a.m. (00:30). That's when the dogs barking and a sheriff's deputy woke us and forced is out of bed.

My son was suicidal. Again.

He's been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts since he was around 12.

He overdosed at 12 on over the counter sleeping pills. That's when he came to live with us.

Up until that point he had been living with his bio-mom. She had very little time for my kid and he virtually raised himself. When we would get him in the summer for 2 months, I would spend the first few months re-parenting (or maybe just parenting) him. Only to deliver him back to the questionable care of his alcoholic and drug addicted mother.

I hated taking him back there.

We always drove to pick him up and drove to drop him back off. Even though S. (bio-mom's first initial) didn't work, she couldn't be bothered to put in any effort to get him to us or get him from us.

I've been his parent since he was 8 years old.

I've not been a perfect parent by any means. But I've tried hard to be a good enough parent.

He has had so much early childhood trauma. And he came to live with us full time after his first suicide attempt. He came to us incredibly damaged.

I'm not sure anyone has done more than scratch the surface of that damage.

So, this morning, his friend and the deputy came knocking on our door because N. (my son) had sent a Snapchat saying something along the lines of, "It's been a good ride. Goodbye everybody." And then stopped all communication. No responses to texts. Phone calls went straight to voicemail.

By the time we were able to get ahold of his grandmother to get her daughter's phone number, he was already being loaded into the ambulance.

But not because she was so observant. She didn't know anything until the ambulance pulled up. Either one of his friends or one of his cousins called the ambulance.

He has overdosed on his antidepressant medications and sliced his arm up again.

S. never noticed.

I hate that for my sun. I hate that he is so overlooked there that nobody notices his arms.

He has a bad breakup recently. He lost his job. And, according to my daughter, his big sister, he had been asked to move out.

He had told her that he had to be out by such and such date.

My son is 18 and that makes him an adult in the eyes of the law. That means he can make his own healthcare decisions.

I was able to call the hospital and speak with someone there who told me he was under 24 hour observation and had someone sitting with him one on one at all times. And that was all they would tell me.

Because he is an adult, he is able to request no information be given out. He requested that.

I hope he gets the message I left that we are here when he's ready and we understand if he isn't ready yet. We love him so much.

Now, all I can do is wait. And hope. And wish real hard.

I'm sorry I'm advance for any typos and other errors. I don't think I can stand reading through everything again.

I can barely think, let alone edit at this point. I've been up for 16 hours already after 3 hours of sleep.

I also apologize in advance if I've rambled.

Lead image license free from Unsplash.

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Avatar for JonicaBradley
2 years ago

Comments

Rambling is always good, never apologize for it 🌺 thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just wanted to drop by and send you loads of love and positive vibes 🌻

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2 years ago

I enjoy the rambling conversations I have with my close friends and family. My daughter and I spoke on the phone yesterday for over 2 hours.

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2 years ago

What a sad story, i cant imagine the early childhood trauma must be going through

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2 years ago

Sorry to hear you went through ball this today. I will support with my prayer

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2 years ago

Thank you.

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2 years ago

Its really hearting to here about your son. If he is suffering from such kind of depressing situation you must pay some special attention to hi

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2 years ago

I can't imagine the pain and hurt you are going through at this time but I can only say that you should take things easy with yourself too so that you don't break down. He needs you to be strong for him. Do take care of yourself.

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2 years ago

I really can't afford to have another breakdown.

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2 years ago

Please try to have some rest and I believe you will feel better.

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2 years ago

It's so pathetic that N. had to go through all that and cause you guys so much heartbreaks and emotional moments. I am not in support of giving our one's child to another to care for. I hope he recovers fast. And for the law, no mater now hold a child had become he/she would always be a child to their parents.

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2 years ago

He is still our baby, yes. And we care for him so much.

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2 years ago

Its too sad, we are all praying for your son, hope he can recover soon and he really needs an attention from a parent. Im praying that he can overcome all of those depression he is going through

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2 years ago

He is 18, so we can only give what support he allows. For now he had requested the hospital give out no information.

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2 years ago

Oh no! Just include him in my prayer everyday

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2 years ago

I hope your son is fine miss jonica and I hope your fine as well. I hope he will overcome this challenge he is facing and I hope you'll have more strength. God bless him and you as well miss jonica.

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2 years ago

Thank you.

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2 years ago

Omg....I am really sad to hear about his condition. He really needs a attention from all of you and I am sure soon he will be back to his life.I can understand that its would be difficult for you to see him like this.My best wishes for him.

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2 years ago

I'm grateful.

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2 years ago

I know this article is great and helpful.

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2 years ago

wtf?

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2 years ago

?

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2 years ago

you really had a tough day, sorry to hear about your son. I hope that your son will be okay. Depression is not that easy and it's no joke.

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2 years ago

Depression is so hard. On everyone. But if course on the depressed person the most.

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2 years ago

I pray for your son's quick recovery, ma'am Jonica. Depression really hits without us knowing.

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2 years ago

It does

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2 years ago

Wish he'll be fine. Depression is not a joke. It will even get worse when you feel like no one's actually there for you. I'm glad I'm not up to harming myself. I hope he gets well soon. But that will take much much time.

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2 years ago

Yes. We've been battling with his depression (and mine) for years.

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2 years ago

What a tough day for you, sorry to hear that. May he will be well soon.

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2 years ago

Thank you.

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2 years ago

I'm so sorry, Jonica. I pray for your son to be fine. I hope he opens up to you and allows you to support him in such difficult times. Hugs to you.

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2 years ago

I hope so, too but also know it's out of our control. There's not much we can do except love him.

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2 years ago

Sorry about your day, I really hope he comes out if it and gets better. You are strengthened

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2 years ago

We hope so too

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2 years ago

It is really hard and painful when you see your loved ones be in that state. I hope your beloved son will soon open up to you guys because both parties feel worse.

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2 years ago

I hope so too. He keeps everything bottled up inside.

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2 years ago

So sorry to learn about your son. You are a loving mom that every son/daughter could hope for. Will include him and your family in my prayers

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2 years ago

Thanks

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2 years ago

A challenging tough day indeed for you. Prayers for more strength and wisdom to get through this tough time...

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2 years ago

We're grateful.

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2 years ago

Your stepson is so blessed to have a caring mom like you. It's a hard day I could tell. I pray for his fast recovery.

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2 years ago

It has been tough.

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2 years ago

That is terrible , my thoughts are with you all.

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2 years ago

I appreciate it.

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2 years ago

Sounds like a tough day you had. Is he your foster child? I couldn’t quite understand the relationship.

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2 years ago

He is my step son.

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2 years ago