@Jento

Its time to let go of something toxic! Shall we... Oh! Hello April. March passed by with a lot of crazy things that happened including the coming back of a friend who used to mean a lot me. He be-friended me back after 3-years, just about the time my friend suffering from cancer died. And I just ended up our friendship, for good. now check out their amazing stories! He is one of the best buddies I can ever have. Not because he was good but rather he is everything you wouldn’t want for a friend. That time about 2 decades back, there were a lot of things we all have to learn and now, it was time to park our pens – forever I guess. Now, it may be odd to say to goodbye and why? If he was, then why? Well, first he talked to my dying friend last November – he is a common friend. He discovered a lot about me just simply having a video chat but worst, he got all the information from her -confirming what he already knows about me. The info he secured are actually the worst and bad description of me and glad to know I am able to break free from that. We all have to grow up I guess and perhaps... My dying friend really wished that I will have someone like her, who’ll take good care of me for the rest of my life. But what she doesn’t and couldn’t agree is im only open to that kind of relationship but I really cannot settle for anything compromised. And here he is, coming out of nowhere, taking the role of “knight and shining armour”. Well, it was good that he is back but he was becoming more of a toxic friend than anything else. 1st demand was food, to be delivered on his doorstep which I did. The next were all emotional blackmails. Like “loue say was all true, if anything goes wrong you can count on Jen”. Oh! That was nice but… the next thing he did was borrow money from me and I really thought it was unbecoming. And he was honest about it, testing waters. How far would I go to help him? And there was another thing, was to steal some information for him, so he can continue his work? And that was a blast. My demise? for his personal gain? oh no no! Well, I was glad it happened. And all those 2 decades of friendship has to go, I cant risk having to live all my life engaging in such a toxic relationship. My friend, was unable to let go of toxic married life because she always settled for a compromise and guess that was what he thought I would do too! True we all have to settle on our terms, looking forward for the best possible fairytale we can have in this world. Paint the world in picture perfect is something really soooo good to be true that most of the time we have to face pain to realize that our picture perfect has to be so imperfect and grow from it. I prefer to be alone that to spend a very long time enduring a relationship that destroys the self and even uses unbecoming tactics like blackmail to get what he wants. Its for the best. You see he is rich and yet he still gets to take advantage and borrow money from me, seemed to forgot that I am a single parent. Like I will drop anything just to please him. If he was truly a friend, he wouldn’t take advantage of the things he learned from my friend. Self-gain over my welfare, was something I was grateful to know. Knowing how he valued our friendship, was disappointingly bad but at least I know where I stand from his view point. And he just lost a really good and loyal friend. Do I mind, yes I do. I will be missing him badly and I'm missing him now but I know the benefits of letting go now will be tremendous over keeping him and be lowly. We all have to know when to say no and let go! Although, I pains us at first but eventually we will realize that all was for a purpose. We have a responsibility to our selves and me to my kids, that being involve with a toxic relationship pays terrible price if we don’t let go! Yes, the process is sad and it will never be easy but we have to take good care of our selves because no one else will do that for us, unless of course we have lots of friends who only cares for our goodness but what if not? What will happen to you? And all the people who depended on you? Your family? Your kids? You really have to think about it as life is too short to dwell on yesterdays and a lot of uncertainties of tomorrow! Right? Like my friend took the risk hoping for one day her husband will change until it killed her! Yes, a fairytale that was so good to be true but where is she now? We have to take the courage and just leave silently as possible. One go, another one will sure come his way to fill his place. Don’t wait for tomorrow will save you because it wont. What will save us is just our ability to say enough or no, and live. Go in another direction. It saddens me to know that there are actually a lot of people out there suffering like this because of some reason, -validation is one. But and however you view it, why ask validation from someone else when you actually can validate yourself by simply you? Nothing much. Just be real and everything around will be. Pretend and everything will be upsy turvy! Thank u for reading. April 6, 2022 Image: Pinterest

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Not everything is a choice! It's like multiple choice to the best possible answer, applies. I have written something about “Pregnancy” and thought of following it thru with “Post Natal”. But I have a good read on “Don't blame people for your character, take responsibility” by @**Jerrysavage00**. Replying will be too long so I decided to write an article instead. https://read.cash/@Jento/getting-pregnant-my-worries-and-concerns-what-to-look-into-143079af https://read.cash/@Jerrysavage00/dont-blame-people-for-your-character-take-responsibility-3d00fee6 Oh by the way! Do check out the articles of these guys, my sponsors! It’s a lot new perspective.  Hmmm… Christian wise, true we are sinful by nature but as Christ came – it all changed, supposedly. Naturally “man love darkness rather than light” (bible verse), but, basically man is more attractive to sinfulness than otherwise. It has become innate character that only so few overcome, so as to say, unfortunately. But there are contributors to it and a handful was already labeled as excuse, lolz. But I’d like to add. As our journey started by birth and will end in death, in between we all get to grow up. Either we choose to grow or be stuck on where we are, many are actually lost and a few pulled the strings quite well. Actually, not everything is by choice. Its just a make up lie to make us see the light of the day, actually about 80% of everyday thing is merely forced choice and 20% truly represents choice. Why? In a career choice, many of us ended up working on something we never really liked but we choose to stay because it puts food on our table, -like me. There are other work or jobs out there but this is already a good one with respect to benefits and pay, plus the perks and the work load. So, going out? Is not a wise choice… Why? To think of it, the work load, the pay, the perks plus the benefits… will it surpass the current job? I don’t think so! So, the choice to stay is mine but most likely forced. Granted if there were such job out there that equals everything I mentioned, sure why not? But you cant have everything you want or need. If there were such, perhaps relocation is inevitable. Granting my circumstances with the boys, I just cant go decide on immediate relocation, as there are lots of things to consider. The place to stay, cost of living, safety and many more! So, staying is the "best" choice so to speak. So, choices comes with priorities... Now, on character… wow! This is something… Well, all I can say it all really have to start from something. From the individuality of the person then goes to the culture he was born on to, then culture he was raised on, and the culture he lives on. Meaning, the moment we were fetuses on our mother’s womb, we already have our own personality. From there you already have your own. Then we all get to come out, some survived, others died. For those who survived, how we developed as how we were graced by our parents/guardian is the formation of our personal that gives birth to our character. As we all grew older, we also have to consider the perspectives we are also exposed to, that is the influenced of our outside world. Now, the parents/guardians are supposed mold children to grow with respect to their culture. This is basically important because this is supposed to be the foundation, a building point in a child’s life. But, this only constitutes 50% because the child has always a choice to follow or not. From then on, we all know what the child has chosen and will go out to the preferred friends that suits their preferred choices and likes. All in all, not everyone gets to hold responsibility on their choice but the shout out is that “this is my choice, respect it, regardless of what you think”. So… Character is already our built in defenses and offenses. So, we cant really expect someone to adhere to responsibility unless they decided upon it. With our action comes our character, its already there and we cant impose responsibility but only plea. Because it were just possible to impose responsibility then not many will suffer. However, as you already know the world, it is actually full of sufferings. All we can do is bear and adjust. What we do have control over is our own choices, our reactions and attitude on whats happening to the world. If we do decided to raise children, we have a choice either mold them to become a responsible individual or… to make the world a better place. Still boils down to our priorities. Thank u for the read. God bless. April 1, 2022 Image: Pinterest

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Getting Pregnant, my worries and concerns... What to look into? Looking back I was 29 when I told my mom I’m pregnant and her reply was that “nganong ni sulod man ka ana, problema mana?”, and this was her 1st grandson (translation: “why decided to, its going to being a problem). Thankful for my sponsors, do have a chance to check their articles… it’ll be fun and good read. So that’s how I revealed my pregnancy. On my younger years, I have never imagined that someday i will have my own. I never think I would live a long life but yet, here I am. Preparing for motherhood wont be as good as it gets because there are far too many things to consider. There are lot of considerations so going pregnant in a 3rd world country and at a very young age will be a very bad challenge. I was already mature when I had my first and there were lots of challenges, so much more at a very tender age! Challenges I faced when I got pregnant. 1.       Finances. Of course, this is the root of all. Without this, oh no! Even with this, its already hard, how much more when my pockets are really empty? How can I ensure a good pregnancy if I cant finance or buy the things I need to sustain pregnancy? https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=5118290018225984&id=100001351084859 a.       Medicine, medz I mean are those folic acid, vitamins for the growing baby, iron and calcium supplements. Pregnant mothers need supplements since they are sharing the same nutrition, they must be bombarded with these. b.       Milk  , indeed this is another that helps sustain. The ones that is for pregnant women. I don’t drink milk so I used the flavored one, I have to gulp a glass not for myself but for my growing child. c.       Food  è of course, I need to take a lot of mangoes which is rich in folic acid, later water melon, pineapple – that helped me with labour and calamansi – that cleanses my childs body. d.       Laboratories, tests, consultation  è of course, you have to go through a lot of tests plus doctors fees. Have to know the condition of the baby inside, if the baby is growing normally or too fast. And also to monitor any dangerous conditions like: highblood pressure, diabetes, UTI and other diseases that will endanger the life of the baby. e.       Baby things? The diapers, shirts and bottles, clothings. Of course this should be prepared if not, it will be a disaster. Including the mild and other things. f.        Hospitalization  è of course, there are these expenses that you have to worry. 2.       Body malice è another concern is this. A woman’s body undergoes a lot of changes during this time. As the baby is growing there are permanent adjustments on the bones. The body goes through it to accommodate the growing baby that’s why pregnancy really destroys a woman’s body. Like the foot increases 1 inche, the hand too, the hips widens all the more, the breast goes fuller for lactating. There are a lot of changes and these changes are very exhausting. I cant imagine undergoing the pain again. And there are many mothers who lost their teeth because like I already mentioned, they share the same nutrients so calcium is also shared, without the supplements, this happens. 3.       Emotions  è pregnant is more sensitive, not because they wanted so but with all the hormones up to support these changes, it is natural for any woman to be sensitive at this point. That’s why its not good to subject woman to any insecurities because this just doesn’t affect the woman but the baby itself. The slightest change in the mother’s heartbeat already cause a drastic effect to the unborn baby, this is the primary cause of heart failure on babies. So, if there are frequent fights during this time, well you cant expect the baby to come out healthy. Many people don’t think of these consequences but actually these were my worries during that time. However, God provided and I am thankful I did the journey with him because it were all just about me, I don’t know where I’d be at now. Considering I am not earning much and all the prices are up and all the expenses to worry, no I wouldn’t be whole but shattered into pieces. If you happened to know any pregnant women? Please, spare them. It’s a lot complicated that what you think. And the changes? Oh! It wasn’t easy! Thank u for your time and God bless! Images: pinterest and FB downloaded March 31, 2022

Clueless, Parenthood... How I managed to go thru this? 1st stage I have written an article entitled “Mommy duties and roles”, just within the month. I’ve written all over the place that I was “clueless”. I studied Masters in Language before I got pregnant and was lucky enough to encounter theories that helped me in rearing my eldest and my 2nd child. Like all my claims, nothing is really full proof but at least it gave me an idea or gave me a scenario on how our lives will be as they grow – and at the same time, me growing too! If any young mother as clueless as I was and find this article, perhaps it will aide her in her troubles. https://read.cash/@Jento/mommy-duties-and-roles-b16c8ac4 Special mention to the article "Parenting" by Aimure, this article got me into this. https://read.cash/@Aimure/parenting-ed84ceca My 1st concern was that how do children grow? Its not really a matter of responsibility but more on how do we guide them? And I was glad that my children were never genius because if they were, that would have been chaos. Why? Of course, they wont follow the general guidelines and timelines in growing up. If you had watched the movie “Gifted”, you will be conflicted in almost all ways if you happen to bear such a child. Her norms will never be normal norms like other children and will most experience discrimination due to that. More importantly, the role of a mother or parent or a guardian, in the absence of a parent, truly matters most especially in building her coping mechanism. Special care is needed since her case is special. Just as the story developed, her EQ should also equal her IQ and must find happiness in order to proceed with life and not end up in tragedy like her mom. Complicated isn’t it? Ha! Yes, although many over simplify things but there are actually crucial moments in child development that needs to be addressed like the physiological development, infants reaction to emotions: laugh, angry, excitement and many more. Brain development is important at this stage because, I mean seriously… If a child actually catches meningitis at this point, you can imagine the horrors it’ll give to your child’s future since meningitis has long term effect on psychomotor development. And its actually during infancy that the brain develops fast. Oh! These are just some of the basic things that goes to my mind when I was battling these years. To add up, there are queues that parents should be very wary about, if our child was not talking or unable to speak at this given age, 4/5. If you were ignorant mostly likely to neglect and act like the child is just a late bloomer but there are actually consequences if we don’t address it immediately. This is why pediatricians monitor these developments to address any profound issues encountered as the child grows. Then this is the part they will be suggesting speech therapy sessions which can be very expensive if remain untreated. The longer, the more expensive it becomes. And there is actually a point in child’s age that due to failure to address, communication skills is most likely not to develop. It was actually fun learning these stages because it came to a point where I knew the stage where children easily learn new language or languages and I just let it be. I was thinking letting them learn Spanish but my hands were really full and so, it was just me thinking… lolz. Alright, im rather talkative today. Will add some more. It was really fun for me to learn these stages because I was being calculative with my children, although my kids were having different responses but they fall into the same spectrum. My eldest was no longer a baby at the age 4 while bunso was still my baby at age 6, and is to now… hihihi! Oh! Be wary of the rebellious age! OMG! Kuya was really at age 9. He stopped going to school and it was all mess up. My goodness, the horrors I felt during those times when I really have to fight harder so he can go up to next grade, glad it  was that time covid happened, life saving grace! The general concept I embraced was that the 1st 7years in a child’s life is attachment. Learning this, oh! I took every moment by their side! Because these are the years where they are all over you. Go where ever we go. Hug them, kiss them, toss them, play with them, learn with them, read with them. Developing memories targeting the subconscious that even if they cant remember, a bond is already cemented in their hearts and their subconciousness that no one can take away. And even if they had amnesia, the familiar feeling will be there! All knowing time will come they will ditch you! Ouch! And yes! They’re at this stage now… Not really ditch but they already developed their own individuality so I am now trying to guide them in their choices in making decisions. Helping them figure out how to make decisions. Like money matters, they need to figure out how to spend a dollar. If not, they will be just spenders in the future. That’s teaching/guiding them to spend and save. Hmmm… really, knowing that they already have a personality of their own at 6 but honestly, they already have their own personality as they were still in the womb! Oh! That script in the movies or teleseries, oh! Those are just scripts and far from the reality that mothers/parents/guardians endure. Next stage, adolescence, oh! The rebellion stage! Of course, learning this is such a gift. Why? I learned to revolutionize rebellion in such a way I can still reach out to my kids that they’d listen. And right now, while rebelling, kuya is accepting responsibilities in claiming and submitting their modules. Of course there is a catch, I really have to make sure that this is just a task he can enjoy and learn, not letting him feel the burden of the responsibility, is something that can entice him and make him do this instead of retreating. There is really a difference, let him do the task voluntarily. And Oh! Im a happy mom! Really, its really a thorn plucked from my daily/weekly activities. Oh! Next, young adult stage! I still have to, umm, in the next articles in the far far years to go! Now, you wanna sex it up at early age and be tied down to all these? Oh no! please grow up first. Life is full of surprises and having a child in the later years will be as fruitful. Take your time, this is not easy, believe me I haven't shared everything. There are still horrors that I haven't mentioned. It’s a long read, hope you like it. Appreciate you spending time, thank u. God bless March 26, 2022 Images: pinterest Let me share a reading on this. https://tommonte.com/the-7-year-cycles-of-life/ The 7-Year Cycles of Life AGES 0 to 7:   From Oneness with Mother to Growing Autonomy AGES 7 TO 14: A Fight for, and Commitment To, Life AGES 14 TO 21.  Wild Emotions, Raging Hormones, Sexuality AGES 21 TO 28.  Play That Turns Toward Responsibility AGES 28 TO 35.  The Body In Full Bloom    AGES 35 TO 42.  Crisis and Questioning   AGES 42 TO 49.  Soul Searching and Wonder AGES 49 TO 56.  An Ever Growing Vision and Understanding of Life AGES 56 TO 63.  The Crossroads: Mastery or Reevaluation. AGES 63 TO 70.  A Time of Harvesting and Spreading the Wealth.   AGES 7O AND BEYOND.  Reflection.

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My share of "No Label Relationship(s)"... I’ve recently read a lot of articles and planned to reply but instead, I want to make an article because it will be a very long reply. There are tons of them but right now I’m not busy and while my officemate is still busy doing about her business, yesterday we chatted for hours, so I wasn’t able to finish my article. This article “Check the Label?” by @Nalyn . I found this interesting because its about “NO Label relationship”.  https://read.cash/@nalyn/check-the-label-92cae2f5 A boy and a girl, both my batch mates from highschool, spent about 2 decades testing waters? Hmmm… She was his crush from then but married someone else, and she claimed it was a shotgun marriage. He went abroad to work and continued communication with her for the last 2 decades. She was… his confidant. They talked all day and every day for those decades and still maintained “they were just friends”. Hmm… and he sent her gadgets, digi cam those days when it was super pricey and DSLR, same… and every year he comes homes, he is by her doorstep, the whole month until its time for him to go back and work again. His parents were already silently praying for them to be until I tagged along and made it happened. Now, they are together and though processing the annulment, still waiting. Me… my best buddy in high school, Nino, my seatmate for a year. He was a transferee, a kick-out from a more prestigious school, and decided to seat beside me that year. No one else dared seat by my side until him, though I honestly don’t know why no one dares but I am glad though. It was a roller coaster ride but we became friends, extremely good friends. He opened his closet for me to pry and shared his darkest secrets, including those things he did at his school that got him kicked. Guess my reaction to his stories stunned him or so because I simply laughed it all out. Actually I was amused with what he did. He showed me his darkest side but I simply remained, instead with all the things we talked about he listened to my perspectives and mellowed down. He allowed me to scold him in front of many, close his mouth with my hand when he gets all too stingy and throwing insults to our teacher, -specifically math teacher. On our last year, I got another seatmate, happens to be a boy, and he was just “jealous?”. And targeted to berate the guy all year round because he just happens to seat beside instead of him. Like “its his seat!”, yeah, forgot to mention, nobody sits on his seat and somebody did and he was furious. Then 2011, we met again and that I was already a widow. He flirted with me but he was already engaged and acted like he owns me. I just let him be because I never knew there were hidden feelings in between and since we were best buddies, knowing his schemes and character, its just like him – as long as his not harming, its ok. Fast forward, he revealed his true feelings where I was shocked. I honestly didn’t know I was that to him although I knew of him wanting to go on Euro trip with me or he is looking forward for a trip with me! He blocked me on FB because I trampled with his pride. We didn’t talk every day, just moments by moments. Now, he is back after 3 years because my friend that he wanted to get rid since 2012, died. What’s next? I really don’t know. It was his birthday yesterday though… He asked for food and coffee and finally had it deliver at his doorstep yesterday.  Honestly, I want to end to all this. I wanted him to move on from where he is. He already had several engagements called off. Enough already, he already done a lot of annoying things because his heart is somewhere else. Hurting girls, toying with them. I honestly want to talk to him about it so he can finally rest and settle in. But the last message he gave me when he revealed his secret 3 years ago was that he wants to grow old with me. Naturally my answer was “of course, why not just like old times”… Now? I really don’t know the contents of his heart… but really he has to figure it out what he is missing so he can move forward, not ghosting. For 2 decades this has been happening. To him and to my batch mates. Its unfair for them to put others on hold just because they have been undecided. Like the boy and the girl batchmate, if they only figured it out then, then they wont have to put up with the annulment battle. I do understand there were different priorities then but really, I think its more of an excuse or so since it had happened. I think its being afraid of the being hurt because they were unsure of their feelings, or just totally failed to be honest with themselves. Like they are so used of denying the trueness and sincerity that they failed to recognize it, too much of a game I guess. It is natural for us to have feelings and who is not scared of having those, especially the strong ones, when the future is very much uncertain. But we really have to come to a point to make decisions so other people wont expect and/or be dragged along with our issues. Me, personally, I don’t want to drag anyone with me on this road that’s why as uncomfortable as I may be with strong feelings, I make sure to not set it aside but deal with it instantly. True, if I might cry out of it then be it so. But its just a matter of time and it will all be over. Right now, I'm still bracing myself because I am not sure Nino is giving up already or still hanging around. Thank u for your time. God bless. March 25, 2022 Images: Pinterest

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Motherhood, things I planned to teach my boys! A long time ago… Mama told me: “hold your tongue until you become a mother yourself!” After a long time ago, I became a mother… and guess what, nothing really has change with my perspective(s). The most critical part of a mother is responsibility and time, we no longer own our time but we have the power to manage it through prioritization and discipline. But what people doesn’t know is that its easier said than done, especially the discipline part. Why? Chances are, procrastination because something came up that needed urgent attention. True, there surprises in our lives that needed our quick attention else, it vanishes into thin air. Again, back to prioritization. Another is, of course, we all get tired after a day’s work, who wouldn’t? Even machines break down, like cars need overhaul especially when overused or misused, aiyt? And still, this too is a matter of perspective. Here are some of the things I wanted to hand down to my boys: 1. Most importantly – Godliness. Everything comes from there and will always ends there! Learn to pray for hard times will always struck without us knowing. And if its not hard, pray fervently still. And in the world they will live in the future, I don’t want them to play God. 2.    Education they say is the greatest gift parents can give to their child, that no one else can take away. hmmm… Me, nope! I say, teach them to READ and everything flows from there! If parents is “NO read, no write”, find someone who is kind enough to teach your kid how to read. Why? Of course, education is already expensive then, even now. Along the way the ambition to get higher education will fail for several reasons which is mainly money. When this fail, everything the parent and child hoped for vanishes. However, teach a child to read and everything starts from there. Help them comprehend and understand the complexity of life and he will learn to humble. Learning to read books and follow instruction will follow too. I’ve realized this during lockdowns that even education was on shutdown and they're now learning remotely through modular learning. What’s crucial is that they have to learn and reading is a must to understand and comprehension to follow instructions. Otherwise, modular learning will not be a success. Naturally from there, everything follows. My boys are now enjoying watching movies of different languages through subtitles because they know how to read. Even enjoying to use my laptop without me teaching them how to use because they know how to read and google search anything they don’t understand. So, they are basically educating themselves. 3.    Kindness and morals. Hmmm… Its difficult to be kind in this harsh world. Everybody is highly competitive and just couldn’t help but show the world how smart they are. But at the end of the day, we all get tired or at the end of the road we will fail or get sick. Its good to know that we will have somebody to hold on to especially at difficult times. I don’t want them to have loose morals and covet wives but rather I want them to get wives properly and protect their families. 4. Hardwork and dedication. This is just being true to yourself and always aim for a better you. We all get to pay the price so we might as well give the best we have. Success is not a guarantee at every point of intersection but knowing you did your best is worthy enough. 5. Appreciation and Charity. Nothing beats someone who knows how to appreciate the little things given, especially people who wholeheartedly accepts you. A grateful heart will always learn how to give and when giving, give it wholeheartedly. Never expect things to return but always be a cheerful giver. 6. Money and know your worth, and always save. Is not everything but has the power to drive your dreams. And can always be earn, given the effort and hardwork. 7. Grow. Grow in every opportunity that present itself. And hopefully they will grow gracefully as they age, in truth and in wisdom. These are just the basic things I want to teach them as they grow. Not everyone’s list but this is my preference. Why these? hmmm... I want them to live a subtle life, a life driven with purpose. I want them to grow with character that doesn't falter as time fades. I want them to stand tall in every possible way and not be suade because of some people... I want them to man up and lift manhood to the next level. I want them to hold the kind of family we are, carry on our tradition since this is worth the stand. Influence people, perhaps but they must learn to live with integrity first before others can follow them. Making them rare as possible, its a possibility that i'm willing to take the risk. Thank u for the read, 'til next article. March 24, 2022 Image: pinterest

Mushrooms, the story it tells… I find mushrooms enchanted. Since I was young, the stories associated with mushrooms just never seems to end. They appear on just about on all Disney fairytales: Snow White and the seven dwarfs, Alice in Wanderland to mention a few and in Tinkerbell series. Movies too never failed to entice viewers of the beauty these creatures especially manifested on the movie Avatar, whereby the movie illustrated some highly admirable characteristics of the mushrooms, it wasn’t just the colors and the shapes, and wow! the elaborate habitat from small to humongous ones as they provides shelter not just to animal but to the inhabitants as well. Like from the movie Smurf or the game itself, provides a captivating shelter for smurfs and is so quite lovely, unique. As unique as the ones created for the Hobbits from the movie Lord of the Rings. Brings your imagination to wonderland and the excitement of the new adventure it brings as the day gone by, refreshing as it goes. I busied myself on the weekend around my patio. Since I bought a new member to be a permanent home for some plants, I cleaned the woods and threw many of them out. Giving some space to breathe in and space to wander about, at any time of the day. And I found these on the littlest corner of my patio. The brown mushrooms that resembles a hive or a habitat. I was so excited to see and immediately took a picture for soon they will all fade away, trying to capture a moment like as if fairies will pop out and immediately disappear the moment they found out I saw their village. Ah! It was magnificent and some were high and proud while others were on their feet. I tried to search for their name, so I can mention it but lo! I finally realized there are tons of them that exists. Neither animals or plants, these fungi thrive underground or in a decaying wood, many pops out at the side of the trees, from the barks or on the ground –indirect sunlight and humid. Upon searching, I learned that I was housing a unique species that can be either edible or poisonous… hmmm, either helpful or post danger to us. Which is it. Well I searched more and there are truly very harmful ones especially when digested coming from the Amarita genus, the most poisonous that will cause coma to death after being ingested. Anyway, needless to worry as these popular, beautifully attractive species are not native to the tropics but “native to conifer and deciduous woodland” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanita_muscaria). So I don’t have to worry about my pets or my boys to come across such dangerous species. Oh! Unlocking our surroundings, we find treasures and wastes, and it’s a pleasure to know that I found treasures to behold in the tiniest things as I wandered about the little space on our patio. Perhaps one day I will be able to make a cultivar out these species, the edible ones to make available on my palate and on my plate every now and then. For us to enjoy its tastes not just its beautifully and colorfully shaped beauty. I mean to appreciate them to the fullest.  You? What can you share from the little space you got there? Oh! We all have! Thank u for the read, ‘til next time. God bless! March 22, 2022 Image: Pinterest and mine

Welcome to our Mini Garden! Bouquets kissing the sun early at morn! Before the gathering of the butterflies and moths. That will be joined together by the dazzling bees, where the spiders and lizards abounds as the fellowship starts… Welcome to our little garden, where every day is a feast and the fellowship never ends. I’ve been excited about the topic. Its nothing grand since its not our place. The patio is about 5 x 5 meters, doesn’t really abounds variety since I’m starting all over again. I almost lost everything since we moved because I never thought the city streets will be filled with rain, while our place is hidden from direct sunlight as the jackfruit tree shun us from the morning delights. While I have abound myself with greens that needed direct sunlight to stay but, and how my heart cried when they wilted. Not completely though, many survived especially the favorites but still is a loss. However, this also give rise to a different opportunity to raise another variety. The ones that once occupies my space, those that loves the shadows.  The lilies, hydrangea and calathea that used to be a favorite, now found its way back. All because the plant prices has tremendously decreased, these were once considered a luxury, back when lockdown was at its peak. I am trying to get hold some varieties as I can before the prices plummeted again, I could only afford the one on sale, you know! Living my frugal life. The begonias and episcus are amongst that blooms and kisses the sun every day, since they flower still and they actually made the little place attractive more than ever. I have a longing in my heart to add the green variety to the family I currently have but still have to see if there were any available in the market. While I have a hard time raising my onions, scallions and garlic, I am happy because ginger and lemongrass seems to be flourishing because it really helps with the mosquitoes since there are a lot. Peppers too proved to be suited to the same environment and planning to explore and plant more of its variety like the sili espada, bell peppers, sili demonyo and the local chili.  Although we have a lot of Mr. frogs, spiders and lizards for mosquito control but at least there are plant help too! The all-time favorite, succulents, thrive still though I have lost some but retained some. Hoping to see them flower soon. Amongst the addition to the family are the string of pearl, hearts and bananas. Oh! I love that the creeping jenny is everly jolly and grow lusciously, as they actually cover us from the scrupulous eyes of our neighbors – the bath and pantry is located outside, creepy jenny and the other hanging plants really helps us with privacy aside from the beauty it brings. Sweet potato is just creeping about and have to trim them, while I am very happy that my sayote (Chayote) is growing taller by the day – I hope it will really survive providing me with the delicious fruits it promises. Quite ironic though, growing it in pot is more successful than direct from the soil. My love for plants never faded, it has been my 1st love. I want to do a permaculture where plants thrive and develops an ecosystem that is symbiotic. Whereby we humans can enjoy the benefits of good harvest and enjoy the quaint ambience that nature offers. Of course, this is itself healthy living, promoting physical stamina through planting activities, health and wellness too through the harvests while mental and emotional health joins in. Psychological stamina all in all, where stresses from all the worries in the world are exhausted by the presence of the highly interactive environment under natural environment and enjoying the fragrances plants gives off, especially the herbs. Thank u for Ur time, God bless. March 19, 2022 Images: all mine

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Mommy duties and roles! I am happy to celebrate about 12 years of being a single mom. I have to admit, at the starting point of my journey, having a baby was something I welcome but… clueless! Yes right, clueless! Responsibility wise, yes, I know… I have to keep the baby healthy, not stressed, well feed & cloth, keep him warm and just about anything about the baby. Honestly, I really have no idea of what I was about to get myself into. Clueless as I was, I sought help from Baby Centers as I was rearing my baby. Oh! The anxiousness and impatience were really exhausting and not to mention our physical state was very much compromised especially when expecting. Those were the days. I even envy how my hubby was so relaxed, excited and calm. While I was worrying so much on how to react if the baby cried, he just simply said to puff in the milk and its all settled in. wow! So simple, but that was him, I was me! But thank God, everything went in place. I grew as a mom with some guidance. Babies cries for different reason but most common is hungry. Guess, I learned this as I grow along. Next is a sign that something aches, especially the tummy. After drinking milk and forget to burp, really makes a difference. Crying also indicates its time to change because the diaper is already full or poo. Hmm, it was a lot for me – a lot of guessing game for me. Then of course, they easily get irritated or sick especially with the communicable diseases that’s why vaccines should also be updated. I was even clueless as how and when to go to the hospital, and I was just glad that their pedias were such blessings. Now, they are all grown up! I thought, things are over but it was just the start. Moms role actually piled up the more. From making sure they eat on time, learn to poo on their own and so much more. Moms, well, me personally taught my kids reading and writing. It is the greatest gift we can ever give our kids. Trust me! Why? It all start from there, the moment they learned how to read, everything follows. Not that I knew that but my eldest actually told me that with our conversation when he was 9, -sex conversation. He said I taught him sex! Naturally I was all furious because I don’t even have a boyfriend and I have no porn at home, and me teaching him sex? My 1st reaction. But lo! “Mommy, you taught me how to read!” He explained. Me, surprised… So, he gets to accuse me because of that. Well, I was relieved because I finally have to rest my worries on sex educating my sons… hahaha! Mommy duties doesn’t stop even if they are older. It feels like I have to teach them more about life and whats there. Like building their coping mechanism and confidence because no one else will be able to do that but us, confidently as they grow. Its not just about developing their skills and talents, and enhance it as they grow. But, we have to be engaged in the things they do. Like play, and skills development where we can actually teach them cooking and budgeting, which is really for me is important because it does make a lot of difference if they know how to spend their money. And teach them too to save & earn because it will be usefully by the time they will lose us. Then it will really address that usual worries us moms had “what happens to them when we die?”. Aside from that, we get to teach them too reasoning skills and ethics, valuable when they grow and interact with the world. Its not at all full proof, I am merely teaching them the basic there is to learn and the priorities they should take on. Like caring for each other, especially when im gone. So far, I am confident that building them up as they grow will actually ensure they will survive the world on their own. Now, I can’t help but appreciate why my husband died on me years ago! It is because I can have my way on them and really teach them life skills that will help them as they grow to adulthood. More over, kuya is still at school despite his low grades, unlike his father who was expelled just about any school he attended. This was a change and I love it. Thank u for your time and reading. God bless. March 18, 2022 Images: pinterest

Oh, allergies! Hello there asthma, its been a while! Simply because the weather is good, allergies wont strike? Like the future, every day is full of surprises. Cant expect that its all sunny in the morning and it wont rain at night. That’s actually what is happening to our weather nowadays! It keeps on changing. As it changes our body tries to adjust but really just sometimes failed to adjust, overcome by circumstances it is exposed to! The week has been all sunny and it suddenly rains. While I get up to prepare our meal, my nose suddenly gets irritated and a full-blown rhinitis is going to happen. What a day! It has been like this for years. Twice I was not able to attend graduation rites because asthma suddenly got worst, ending up in the hospital during graduation with a bit of complication – pneumonia. It was sad but little did I know and did my mom. And as I grew, it is a common scenario in our family and relatives. Early morning sneeze that exponentially become colds at the end of the day. I am medically inclined so I naturally sought for explanation to everything that is happening since I do not believe that things like this cannot be explained. Basically I learn that my allergies are triggered by “pollen”, e.g.: dusts, flower pollens, mites, those microscopic materials qualifies as pollens. So I do away with dusts, no cleaning or dusting in a closed environment so not to disturb and disperse the dusts in the air. Then I set further reading as well. I discovered that, especially when it rains at dawn or dusk, I shouldn’t be going out early in the morning. Why? Well, the pollens or dusts outside is lifted in the air, feet from the ground. So anyone allergic with pollens are affected and will start non-stop sneezing. Most especially when it rains, the pollen/dust are widely dispersed into the air due to water droplets. When I learned this, it was some tool I used to avoid the non-stop sneezing. Its very exhausting having to sneeze all day! I am fairly satisfied with what I learned and still continue to learn more as my years went by. Then, I lost weight, oh! It paved the way for all of the troubles to magically disappear. It wasn’t overnight but I slimmed down on my early 20s. I lost my belly fats. For years, I truly enjoyed the freedom from all the cough, colds, rhinitis, sneeze and most importantly I enjoyed eating delicious seafoods that further triggered asthma when allergy is activated. From crabs to shrimps to shells to squids, name all seafoods that triggers allergies I ate it. Thank God, there was a solution. Then I got older and metabolism also got older and slower and I was getting fatter too! What I did was cut my rice intake and walk back home from work, and enjoyed a few more years without asthma. Although asthma was not around to mess up my day, I was still having some allergic reactions especially what they called “contact dermatitis”, direct contact to mites from cuddling dogs, cats, playing with the grass outside the house. Eczema too was a problem though yearly in its occurrence, but still is very itchy and so bothersome, which also disappeared after losing weight. With it I was enjoy allergy and its effect, with lesser occurrence and lesser impact. So, still I have to be careful with the things I am in contact with. Comes transfer of residence, my neck went fat and my belly very bulgy… oh my! Non-stop eating or eating but less physical activities? Hmmm… not good. I weigh a whooping 68 kilos during our Annual Physical Exam. Now, Im taking non-stop anti allergy and anti-asthma tablets for almost a year now. And of course, I join in my kids eating the deliciousness of cakes, ice-creams and soda while my body is already at the stage where metabolism is really low. Plus working on night shift is really not helping. I come with eliminating all these starting with a weekend walk with my boys, for them to get out of the room too somewhere in Ayala. And push on with healthy eating and really cut off the sweets and planning on going on fish diet. Hmmm, lets see the results. Thank u for your time, hoping you learn something. God bless! March 17, 2022 Image: Pinterest

My current state of affairs! Another week for the year and I have been writing less… Why? Depressed? Actually, mixed emotions! They say I just lost a friend but it was already expected, so I’m not? Or Im denying myself the openness and preferred not to disclose? Not really. Actually, life is simply happier in many ways. I’ve been back to planting and just really don’t like writing here in the office. Well, simply because I have come to a point to have different emotions towards my manager and most likely resentment and moving to the point of not liking him anymore! I am so sorry, I am making a diary out of read.cash, -lolz. I remember coming here with the intent of writing, - just write. Write to empty my cup (head) and fill it with new things, be it the worthy or not. Before 2021 ended, I already feel that my head was already draining and I was a bit in a panic because I never had thought I will be empty up there! –and this is exactly why I wasn’t writing days/weeks since? Ahh! No! Actually its clearer, the urge is actually more clear and directive but my compulsion to write at home instead has actually became more of a requirement. Perhaps this is the shift of impulse but lappy is still not available at some point so I have to make do! Using lappy for the 1st time, writing there was just exhilarating. I have written my 1st poem in many years and luckily picked 2nd place for the poem writing for valentines day! And the other one too won for “Open Letter” contest but only consolation because the theme was a bit gloomy! And those activity were just something I cherished since I never expected it to turn out very positive. And another is to keep track on my improvement, this way, I develop an audience and at the same time develop ways.   While I am gaining weight, a whooping 68Kilos, the heaviest I am and found it out during our Annual Physical Exam  (APE), a must – requirement for the year. By gaining weight, asthma and allergies also found their way back in. I am beginning to feel a lot heavier though especially here in the office, its most obvious that my eyes, nose and mouth are experiencing turmoils. My rhinitis has exponentially increased like my nose is about to blow off because I kept on sneezing here on my work station that I have to go on an Emergency Leave (EL) because I didn’t want to cause trouble with my co-workers thinking I am having covid-like symptoms when I was just having a bad allergic reaction. Pollens! I am allergic to dusts so if you think that office environment is clean, well, think about it again. Its actually full of dusts! Like I can say, I’m definitely safer at home that here in the office. Sorry, but even with the disinfection and sanitation every hour, it really doesn’t help much with my condition but dusts are just really all over. So I have been taking both anti asthma and allergies which keeps me drowsed and I am not happy about it because my body is almost accustomed to it and I don’t like because I never liked consuming medication for more than a month now. Well, in the end… Tomorrow is certainly coming. Adjustments is necessary and I haven’t finish writing this article and I am already sneezing. 3 hours of work, sitting on the same seat and on the same workstation, my tears are dropping while my nose is dripping, already non-stop. So this is really how bad office set-up for me is! Have a healthy week ahead and God bless! Thank u for your time. March 15, 2022 Image: Pinterest

Public Speaking, something we don’t trifle with! Oh no! for the past days, I have ranted about “Public Speaking”. Someone of acquaintance actually posted/commented on an interview on FB for her presidential candidate, -coming May election. She said “its ok for Her (her candidate) to commit some mistake on the interview”, based on her years of experience in the field! can I make faces? Ok a very practical application on “Public Speaking”, “Beauty Pageant: Miss Universe”. All around the world is watching and everybody has bets, every candidate is ready and prepared, -all of them flawless. Then one of the most amazing and awaited part is the “Question & Answer”. Since all candidates are coming from all around the world with different language but the language used is primarily “English”, so everyone is entitled to an interpreter but its time to shine and show off your ENGLISH Skills –ayt? Of course, who wouldn’t? Everyone wants to win right?! The tense, thrill and expectations are there and the moment the candidate utter a word to answer the question is just as exhilarating as it is. Then if she commits just one mistake in her grammar or on the word usage – comes disappointment and the beter, now frustrated. See my point? Simple as it is and this is just a “Pageant”. With all the commotion that just happened, everyone is throwing opinions coming from different angles. Many throw insults and harsh comments that either will kill and end a candidate’s career or build a good fortune for those who answered well. Many of course chooses not to go on because of extreme humiliation. This is how crucial “Public Speaking” is. It ends or builds a career, depending on the person’s answer to questions thrown their way. Now, back to the “person of acquaintance”, oh did she just justify the wrong answers made by her presidential candidate? Really? And that were excusable? Aha? How so? If in “Pageantry” making a mistake is humiliation, what make her think her presidential candidate is excused? Just because she has years of experience in the field of “Public Speaking/Speaking Engagements”, for a hobby? When it comes to public speaking, a coach is provided, wasn’t she informed by her coach of the do’s and the don’t’s? This is our country we are talking and fighting about? Is it a joke? No! It wasn’t excusable. Just because she is her presidential candidate qualifies her to make such commentaries! Have she asked questioned like, what will become of the country if she answered with all those? What happens to us if she doesn’t know the current situation of the country? How good and bad is it? Their parties have been rumbling over the $1T debts, despite the collection, still not paying. The “war” in Ukraine and the Philippine West Sea situation with China! I mean, seriously? What will become of us? We can barely keep up with China, with its Militia? Ukraine suitors is even taken aback with the attacks from Russia having far more superior equipment, and Philippines having the same allies with Ukraine? What? Will be pulverized into islets? Puffed out of the map? Our fishermen are already having problems fishing the areas we own – Spratly’s and the neighboring islands, where China already made ports there, so much more if our PRESIDENT has little knowledge about the seat she is taking into. Oh no! God forbid. Election is at hand. Although we survive all the administrations that came by but this is different. We just restored Philippine Political Will in the international arena where Russia seems to like our current President and even China – mellowed with her effort of conquer after being lambasted by the previous administration. Now this coming presidential candidate? Unequipped to take charge just because propagandist saw her as potential candidate because her husband was killed? With no other experience politically, just driven. Aren’t we have enough with the dictates of the propagandist to succumb to their wiles? Just a growing concern, which is why I wrant often the pass few days so I decided to write it all here! Thank u for reading! March 9, 2022 Images: pinterest

How long and how much more is there to collect to satisfy? And to let go? About 35 years ago… people revolted. A people power that changed the course of history of one nation, a family and of course -the people. Though bloodless as it was but the stories they tell were not as bloodless. People tortured, raped, salvaged, killed, and many more went missing during those times at the height of the administration. Most especially the targeted people, families and relatives. For those with money, flee from the country and chose exile for many years. Marcos Regime, Martial Law, had reportedly embezzled $5-10 Billion as it ended it regime. And that was about 35 yrs ago. A very long time ago, although I was about 8-9 yrs old that time, I could still remember as the revolution was happening, the adults that surrounded me that time were really tense. A sense of fear and excitement, mixed emotions… Never really thought that everything happened so fast but managed to execute it, with less bloodshed. To think we live afar from EDSA, way afar from the visayan province, yet people were on its heights because of course who wouldn’t be afraid when you’re fighting against the militia? Worst can happen you know if the events @EDSA was not able to pull off victor! And still, our faith in mankind was still up and it pulled off, our militia was still on the people’s side after all. It wasn’t as bloodless as claimed, there were still people who got injured from slight injury to really bloody. Marcos was forced to exile, unfortunately outside the country. Died and wanted to be brought home and be buried on his homeland, -of course who wouldn’t want to return, back home? Though, it took a while but eventually. Well, it has been 35 years of living under Democracy they claimed and what I don’t understand is, Christian as we are we keep on going back to history and pinned all the debts back to that time a long time ago. Claiming about a trillion dollars in debts. ??? why? Of course, we recently claim and collect about $174B and looking at the appropriation, none was allocated to pay the debt. Well, personally if I had paid some amount I wouldn’t want them to overly publicize that I haven’t paid a cent! Yes, truly unfair. And more litigation is up, about $125B is being chased for more ill-gotten wealth, is on going. In the passage of time, and several presidents had been elected, lets say from $10B plummeted to $1T? Of course, it plummeted because of bad governance and inappropriate spending of funds or rather pocketed it! I mean, surely Marcos was responsible but he already paid it with his life, exiled on foreign soil, and took a while before he was buried. How about the administrations that follows? Aren’t they held responsible too? Well, though Cory Aquino, brought back democracy but weren’t business tycoons ruled the Philippines and monopolizes several industries to throughout her admin? The Lopezes, Cojuanco’s, even PLDT, the country’s top telecom provider has been monopolizing the industry for far too long. If Marcos’ had cronies, so what do they call the Lopezes, Coguanco and others? Not only them, the succeeding administrations? Estrada has the floor and what happened? Even Aquino Jr too flapped with extremely bad governance and even with the exposure to public on Hacienda Luisita, still won the presidency. And even with the Magdalo massacre, what happened? Set aside anything else… These people paint the picture they want the public to know about them, -they have the resources. Whether it be Marcos or the Aquinos… Bottom line is, we have collected a lot of amount and now with the appropriation, im not seeing paying the debt as a priority and still we are litigating up to $300B+ and God knows how much more! So when are we really paying the debt? We are really living in hypocrisy as we profess Christianity. True there were wrongs and we have collected. Other sins, its for God to judge for he's gone now. Lets live and look forward, at least we have collected whereas the other administration had there been any pursuits? As for the presidency, I can only hope to vote for someone who can prevent war from coming to our country and not agitate it instead due to lack of knowledge and experience, -most importantly political will. Appropriation: Mar 08, 2022 Lead image: Pinterest source of the images above https://www.rappler.com/newsbreak/iq/breakdown-billions-recovered-marcos-ill-gotten-wealth-by-pcgg-more-to-get/

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Electoral year, another elections at hand March 2022 has started and I haven’t written anything since my moms death anniversary. I am not sad but my mind often drift into a realm I do not know. However as I open my FB, a lot of posts pops out and wow, my mind was blown away but many feeds that truly you can say amazing in its sense because either of lack of knowledge, arrogance and simple stupidity. 2022 is another electoral year, perhaps this is why people are very much indulged with their bets, especially the presidential candidates. There are many to choose from but there are actually only a few with long term know-how. And most importantly someone who can lead with good political will.     Of course, it is for me a must especially now Ukraine is under siege by Russian. And what’s next the open sea territorial in question right now, being claimed by China – the Scarborough, the spratly’s and many other island in the west Philippine sea. I mean what can prevent China for overcoming our sovereign rule when it already have built ports in the island? Our own fishermen are afraid of making fishing adventures as many already experienced horrors in being captive by Chinese patrol. Despite of course the ruling given by UNCLOS by 2016, ruling in favor on the Philippine claims on the shoal, china continued it exploration and ignoring UN ruling. Especially knowing that their militia is far superior than ours, it wouldn’t be difficult for the overthrow? Wouldn’t it? That’s why it is very important to know the kind of candidate we are going to hire as a president for the next years. More importantly, how strong is the presidential candidate’s political will not to impose but for Russia and China to respect like the kind of respect it is currently giving the present government? It doesn’t necessarily need for us to know when the invasion is coming, did Ukraine know? I don’t think so. Our resources, money resources has been depleted in our fight against COVID 19, with all the lockdowns, the closures, world economy has truly been very much affected. Counter measures? Even our manpower isn’t ready. Men have been complacent over the years since war never occurred in this part of the world since World War II. Yes, we just celebrated our EDSA Revolution – though bloodless as it was but heavens know how terrified people were during that time. Our militia vs people? I mean you see the tanks all over EDSA with men in uniform fully geared for war! OMG! And all that commotion is to overthrow a tyrant government, -as declared. Me? I am not willing to send my men to war. If we were able to avoid it at all cost, yes! I would love that please. My boys are growing up, and I want them to grow into men and make their own families one day and not spend some to many years on war to defend our homeland. Life is truly just too short for us to be fighting over lands but this has been since the beginning of time. But as to what? Loss our loved ones to defend that is dear to them? Whereby the strong conquers the weak? Hmm… I can hardly agree to that. Which is why I am berating in FB because I’m trying to fight for the future my kids and mine as well. Mar 04, 2022 images from pinterest

Oh February, how solitary! Oh February! Why are you so solitary? You took away momentarily All the hopes into sanctuary.  Why is it so lonely? When should not be purgatory! Loosing mama so dearly, Never it been so achy!   My cooking skills she honed From dusk til dawn. Never stopped until its done. Perfection to come.   Demons that haunted Fears that daunted Bitter memories that taunted You all surmounted.   Mama, oh mama! We all saw the drama! Treatment like a coma, With your outcry, their karma!   Problems you simplify, All those you pacify, You never specify, How you rectify!   And you found your way! And went away! Everything in disarray that swept us away, Day by day!   Now… We live by the day, Knowing you went away! Oh not far away! Invincibly you stay!   Til the day, We too go away! In but a day, Us, together stay! Feb 22, 2022

1st Anniversary -My Memory of you! You went away to a place safer… More abundantly than what you had... 2 years you in bed, found the things you were looking for? In vain? Ahhh!   About 40 years we were together, Not a day gone by was forgotten… Every day was a struggle we fought together And nothing in the world we couldn’t conquer!   Day by day your health slip away… But you continued anyway! Endured that has become endearing… For many who lived to enjoy the rearing…   A fairy tale you simply hoped for, Turned out to be what you never dreamt of. Loved deeply and immensely, A love so true that lasted more than 40 years.   You bore us 5 of us… With a boy in the middle but still, was a princess! Helped them shape the vision of us… For tomorrow was at hand, -endless!   Lived simply and humbly Thru frugality, we all head on fiercely. Not a day gone by, We fought all demons by and by…   One horror came after another, Conquered without further ado! Timidity due to depression But feisty in the midst of trouble.   Hmmm… mama! A strength you never thought you had! A will so strong, that we still stroll Osmena boulevard, haemoglobin @ 4.   Found your faith, reinforced your beliefs Strongly stood your ground, and found yourself once again Arrogantly sought perfection Only to turn away their affection.   Them, you so care and need Fear of perfection Sought perfection in their deed Drove them away All you needed was… A kind heart full of understanding and patience For loosing yourself all those years Was hard to define.   Of all I stayed, Not because I was perfect I chose to stay, Didn’t have the heart to go   Especially when we went to the big city No one was there and be with you when you cry You have no one when fear cripples you No one was there when you need to talk   Lingered on because… All the reasons in the world, You easily cry but stubborn at heart   You hide while Im upfront fighting your battles Especially the ones that triggers your fears A shield you used, To face your horrors and demons   I’m glad… All those years. I was by your side And never left.   We only parted when you chose to be with them And believed them with their lies I wasn’t hurt but Hesitant, if they can truly take care of you.   But all that is gone now. You showed me your place A mansion you dreamt of And peace from your fears and demons   No more battles to stand for No more pain No more worries Only peace. I cry looking back, all the pain and sorrow you’ve gone thru ahhh! the weird jokes, pranks, laughs we sought thru Now, you rest For you now lay at solace at last! –Love you ma! Feb 23, 2022

I had a long weekend and loving it. Though, I really tried writing but so far none. Now, I am back to work and was trying to write, but my head suddenly went blank! I'm not frustrated, i'm just really blank. Though, I have so much to write but... Perhaps, tomorrow. I'm no longer sad, I just dont feel like... Even at work, I dont feel like working. - Fed up? Oh! Only God knows...

To Our friendly visitor! Thank u, you helped our lives flourish... I wrote a short post not too long ago, thankful of Rusty’s visitation on my page. And I have encountered some articles about Rusty’s being inactive for a week or picky on articles. There are even some claiming his absence for days to a week, not recent articles though. I won’t wrant like others do. If I could help in a way, I would. I am not an expert writer and I am only 4 months old in this platform and truly just writing for the past 4 months, no previous writing experience. And I wont brag about Rusty’s visitation because I am not a hard earner on this platform. For some reasons that is, I only write my head off. Meaning, I don’t have any special editing program used to write my article. These are raw articles; I don’t run it on plagiarism program. I run it before but I usually get 100% content. Though there was an article where a phrased I used was already posted on the net. So. I meant who would have thought. I only use Word on writing my articles basically simple grammarly outlook, mostly I used it for word count. I don’t really use other programs not because I am confident on my writing but… I want to do away with it since I want to practice to write the things I want to write. Using programs to suggest meaning of those things I wanted to convey, people really fail to notice that a slight change of a comma, period or word actually changes the whole meaning of the context and to the extent contents as well. Even intentions and other meanings that should be there losses its essence. While I am growing, English is the mode of instruction and I grow in a rigid in statement composition to the point that it became an innate ability. There are a lot of changes on rules but basically, basics are basics. In general, it is hardly changing. Not that I have an utmost confidence on my skills but rather I’d rather be equipped than be dependent, especially when I cannot afford a lot things and not all free are free of bugs. Basically, again Rusty is a bot, has no consciousness but purely operates on logarithms or program based on criteria. This is almost equivalent to bias, prejudice – for us, humans. So its really futile to get mad on a bot who reads all the articles written by us if we don’t get a tip. Why? Of course, it runs the details of our articles and judges it according to the criteria written on his program. If the article doesn’t have it, Rusty ignores.  I do not know what the criteria for judging is but you will know and notice it if you are keen in observing your growth. One of the things I noticed is if the topic is already repetitive, you see Rusty stores info, if you keep on writing articles you already had, it becomes repetitive to him. So, why tip repetitive contents? Does it make sense? Rusty is feisty to grow too, its an overbore. Remember he stores information, I can only imagine the size of his server just to be able to tip us properly. Remember Rusty is a bot, he is unable to do the things we usually do, especially feelings. He doesn’t have that but I think by now he has good understanding of the basics of anger, fear, love and sad based on his collected information through our articles. So, if you are going to express emotion, express properly that a growing child can understand. Hard earners of this platform already knows how to hard code their articles. If its simply the logic or structure, contents, -they already have basic understanding on Rusty’s behavior. If your smart enough to figure it out already, perhaps but if not, then start figuring it out so the next article will be… For those learning the language, practice. There are truly a lot of defining factors but all you really need is diligence and a lot of observing if you want to go through this. There are a lot of tips online but sometimes it works, sometimes not, -still not a guarantee. Which basically brings you back to self-evaluation, again step 1. Hope this helps. One way I can give back the good given to me, back to this community. Feb 2022

A Chance of a Lifetime You said to give it a chance And chance it was It was not particularly special But you gave it your best Every day ordinary, nothing truly special Breakfast, lunch and dinner as usual Work on weekdays, While weekends, we play… Little did we know time passes by… And as it passes by, us - grow in time… Home was a just a dream And it became our reality We laugh, cry, fight like other couples But we never let it get the best of us You said, never let a day go by without a word That indeed worked. For all its worth, the love you brought was nurtured More than our bank accounts advanced . You focused on time and its essence All knowingly, us valuing our presence. We spent togetherness as sweetly as it grew Now you’re gone, the bitterness only grew. Not a day gone by the memory abandoned For the love so real, lasts for a lifetime. Feb 14, 2022 Image: Pinterest

And the Discrimination has begun! 2022, dawn of rising sun? hahaha! Oh no! it’s a daunting year for those reluctant to vaccine. There are a lot of speculations along the way, from zombie effects of the vaccine to a lot of alterations on human system due to RNA vaccine design and furthermore! Why reluctant when we’ve been taking vaccines since infancy? Wow! The kind of vaccines we take without our consent because right from the start its mandatory. Like ???, my head went blank just I was about to make a list of vaccines! Arg! So to be factual and precise, amongst are the mandatory during infancy and is given at local health center for free. List: HepA, HepB, DTap (Deptheria, tetanus, pertussis), IPV,Hib, MMR, and a lot more?!!! I don’t really know and understand the premise of the “reluctance”.   All the more, as adults… many have been taking FLU vaccines for years now since it started not long ago! And its yearly specially for those prone to FLU. Women have been taking shots of HPV, cervical cancer awareness where I lost a friend recently with that fight. Of course, I totally respect individual perception about vaccines but its rare occasion these days to be unvaccinated. Statistics presented are high unless of course. Relative doubts on altered numbers, well, with all that’s going around these days… a lot of LAWS been passed to protect fraudulent information so, its most unlikely to be altered. While I do understand the concerns of senior citizens on getting on vaccine due to co-morbidities: Highblood pressure, diabetes, heart ailment and so much more… oh well! They still want to live older age. Its given. Who would want to die? Especially the ones who think they deserve to live longer years! People! Unfortunately though, many buildings refuse access if unvaccinated. If vaccinated, need the fully vaccine to be admitted. Our office doesn’t refuse access but those unvaccinated will be submitted to swab/PCR test every 2 weeks which is paid directly from our own pockets, -economically, this is truly unwise! Ok, we pursue our logic based on our needs. So honestly, being a single mom I have no one else to depend our income from. So I need this, not just income but I need to put food on my table –else we starve.  Luckily, Pfizer became the brand my vaccines are taken. And recently had my booster, which is great since it was facilitated… hustle free! Im not that obedient, its just merely a need. For the next future rounds, for now being fully vaccinated is the only requirement and booster is already at hand. I couldn’t think of more rounds in the future unless of course we encounter another COVID variant in the near future. For my kids, safety is important. Thank u for reading! Keep safe and God bless! Feb 13, 2022 Image my own

Sad House Life was in CONSTANT state of affairs. Happy, joyous and angry!And then you came! Hmmmm… rebelliously restless!You said: “you want something new?, come with me!” Watched and allowed, dragged me to a roller coaster ride. A once solace abode, my cave, became occupied all of sudden. With my Joy, we strode the citylights from dusk til dawn. philanthropy was inate, Social workers of different perspectives. BFF’s, Julia and Julie, a favorite and an adopted. Cliqued, enjoyed and shared a lifetime with our alligators and dragons. As You ran away with your fairytale… my blessing came in form of an angel… Then you went away, i ended walloping - happily quiet at last! ??? You were more of sibling to me than my own.Chatted everyday like you lived next door, -like you never left… Shared basically everything about life, the downs never surpassed the ups. as the downs were never really downs Living thru those days, laughing out loud. Tragedies come and go…Claiming it together forgoes! Then a drama came…But one good cry overcame… Cancer was not a death sentence then, Now your gone, is a sentence served. We feel: happy, joy, piss, hurt like normal people, Laughing was a medicine we take together for all time. Cried? Oh! When did we ever cried? Only when your drama came. You sent me notes, only then I knew it was to linger. Oh! How… it wasn’t pea-sized… Yet, hope was around the corner. Rain or shine you fought, -bravely though Worked thru the season despite the drama Refused to be reduced to feebleness, -endured. A moment of inertia came, a period of relief and joy. Then came relapse, your formidable foe! --------- sparked an unimaginable fear??? Picked up a very good momentum, seemed unstoppable. Became an emergency room suki but was always immediately sent home with ibuprofen on one hand… oh! Rushed to the bathroom to scream when it became unbearable. You said: My pain, my own… but there are eyes that watch, Kept their silence, bearing the pain of seeing you in pain. Another round and bouts of poison to take Draining the very core of you. A pantry of good taste was a must have. To counter the poisons, you took. Sad, but tastes so bitter that it flew away! And you shared, and we laughed and everything went away! Then gushes of red water almost free flowing, Withering you all the more… Nights alone in hospital care Slowly fear crept in as no one was there for comfort From a week or two to a month… It has grown in silence as your body, slowly decays. We talk for days not knowing you were in the hospital Without a hint, we continue the chat… Until your heart grow sick, weary of the dreary place Me clueless of your whereabouts, sparked a hint As you slowly picking up an irate mood… yet I started laughing, immediately calmed like safe haven is at hand. Im sorry… for that one time you complained I hanged up on you. Net is really slow in this part of the world, that time, was really bad. Yes I know… your alone and you want to talk all the worries away. I wish I really I could do better, for the only thing I can for you. for the remaining time left, to sit and hold your hand… listening to the things you say, and just about anything else. You gave you heart full without hesitation. Holidays came, then your birthday too! And… seeing you that one last time… He cried as he watched, telling me his heart aches for you. And finally the day come for all of these to end. At dusk, you woke me up to say Goodbye! Feb 12, 2022 Image: our own

Time flies so fast the past 2 weeks! Hmmmm… I… I miss read. Time flies away without knowing what happened and where I have been. It’s just that I made a goal of making an article per day on the month of January and February, 2022. But! I failed drastically. It may be too dramatic to say it but I really did. Really, time drifted so much. I was just at home reading novels and it seemed that after that my whole being was drained with so much that I couldn’t figure out what. At this point in time I want to write something out of my head. We are happy to receive assistance from our company and calamity loans during the hard times. And immediately paid my dues especially to my friend. I really thought everything comes smoothly… It does for me but for my dying friend, was the hardest and toughest times. *would like to thank my sponsor(s) for continued and undying support - more blessings.* I finally paid my loan, I owe her during pandemic and I am truly happy since trust is something I don’t want to break. And little did I know it was the downfall of her health. I asked myself why? Almost 2 years ago we claimed for her healing when it should have been appropriate for her to claim it under her house but we claimed it under my house. Why? For years, there were no claims we made unrealized. From australian job application, to visa/work application to temporary residence then permanent residence, were all good. Although, in the end I only realized it that she only informed me that she has submitted her applications but when approval came, I was the last to know. Though I didn’t mind but I have to admit there is a little despair in my heart because she only shares with me her concerns but during harvests – I am not informed. I am really hoping that I am part of her life in pain and in goodness, but that is just sad because she shares pain but goodness… is rather not available. Unfortunately! It has a bitter taste in the end. Its like that I am asking or begging for her to share the good news that she is no plans of sharing with me?! oh! Tragic! The loan I made was bonded with her circumstance and paying the loan eventually became a total disaster for her? Oh! I never meant it that way for I meant for her to heal. And little did I know, paying the loan, 2 weeks after… she is gone! She is only 42 yrs old. And I am truly sad... Feb 10, 2022 Image: pinterest

Its been a while since the last article... Still thankful, Rusty's still a fan!!! I was scared i lost his interest since i gauge my writing success here on his presence!

Best foot foward! A quote I’ve heard so long ago “Love is a many splendored things!” Isn’t it? Oh, come on… We all get to deal with it one after the other. Some may never have a boyfriend or girlfriend since birth but hey! We get to admire someone or someonesssss in our lifetime! Aiyt? Don’t tell me no “crush” since birth? Oh! Come on! Let's talk for real... Its been a while when I come across and read "Stop giving false impressions by @**George_Dee****.** Not that I am inspired to write about the topic but rather I'm more dismayed on the content. Oh no! Don't get me wrong but it is beautifully written. I am just dismayed because of the facts he has stated there and the fact of today’s love affairs seems or well, love affairs in the history of the earth. Well, say the reality in life in plain words. https://read.cash/@George_Dee Way back when, I was younger then… I thought love is really priceless! However, when I stepped out of the door and read books, mostly historical but I was swayed to read romantic novels especially literature. Well, I realized that the most talked about Shakespeare and other famous literary personalities were all talking about “love”. I mean, I never would have thought, -the naiveté in me! Perhaps because that time I never had and when I passed through the stage only then still I couldn’t get it. Hahaha! Pardon me but for real, love is good while it last. I mean, love is good ‘till it surpasses the test of time. That’s why in matrimonial vow “in sickness and in health, ‘till death do us part”, because it will undergo the test of time. Getting back to the written article of George, hmmm… Well, I don’t know. Ever since in the past, like if you read “Sense and Sensibility”, “Little Women”, “Pride and Prejudice” and some more, when talking about marriage, someone usually has economical value. And to be able to attract attention for a better market value, most likely “women” or “young ladies” has to give in the “best foot forward”. Best in everything, being timid actually makes them look like mediocrite that is not capable of attracting rich men. But if you know how to play, attracting the best male from best family background which is basically good economic background is best suited for those sophisticated women. So, in the end, men and women really has to give the “best foot forward”. Like applying for a job or when you are in the job, maintaining a career life always have to give it the best, mediocrity will only result on you either be replaced or be fired! Its really a matter of decision, especially when you are a man or a woman of “good value”, giving in the best foot forward isn’t necessary since you already bare/possess it, only waiting for an opportunity to show it. Although, as love passes thru the test of time, it will eventually become a “true love”, happily ever after.  While there are those they say “irreconcilable differences” is almost like the result is “divorce/annulment” of marriages, didn’t pass the test of time. So, relationship really is how you want it to be – either in economical view or you wanted to be with someone you want to spend your old days together, it’s a matter of choice. My choice is, for real. I have to like the person I will be with for the rest of my life. So, onset, I make it a point for him to get the worst of me and its up to him if he stays. But when he stays, well, I have to be the queen coz I won’t settle for anything less! Thank u for your time. God bless! Feb 2022 Image: Pinterest

2022 BCH Goals! Oh! Oh! BCH goals! Finally! Been trying to write about this and finally a clear and presently clearer mind and mind set! Oh! BTW, check out the posts of my beautiful sponsors, and my gratitude to them… Ok! I’ve been here about 3 months and so far, got to be honest, I’ve used up all my earnings to augment my needs and I haven’t been able to save up to come up with at least 1BCH by now. But, the sun is shining brightly this week and I have finally come up with a resolution to continue writing and earn BCH and save it up this time. So, this premise is clear! I also discussed the plans with my younger boy so this premise is now clear except of kuya because he is not home these days, he went to visit his grandpa… So I’d let him be. Both kids have 2 weeks school vacation because the school finally decided to give it a break since COVID -19 cases has been increasing since the typhoon. As to why? Well, nobody can really blame anyone except of course people were not bothered with social distancing and masks after the incident and everything we need, we need to line up and the line is just about a kilometer away or more. Non-stop line up, after one line for charging up the phones, buying food or water for consumption needs to fall in line again… so, its really apparent as to why cases surges! I’ve really look forward to this since I started with Noise/Read.cash last year that I’d be able to finally collect and have a cryto of my own. No matter what that is, I will be proud of myself to finally being able to collect crypto after all those unsuccessful years of spending time to collect from faucets, for free. It is not totally unsuccessful but the amount I was able to collect was so small and eventually used it all as emergency funds! Well, what can I say, I’m single with kids and the needs is true. Although all of those experiences are very helpful in today’s pursuits because without it I wouldn’t be more eager to do this now. Now that I am finally earning crypto for real, and that’s a yeyyyyy for me! At long last! I am actually looking for almost the same platform as read so I can earn other crypto currencies. Which I am fond of reading articles in read.cash hoping I can come across some recommendations to earn other cryptocurrencies. Although I did and am trying hard to participate but I never really thought it will be a challenge, considering I only have a phone at home. Perhaps, when laptop is available I will be able to fully explore the possibility that’s why I have been saving the articles I’ve read and reserve it ‘til the day I am able to. Well, writing while at work is feasible but surveys or watching videos will not be so I decided to halt the activity until I can afford a new 2nd hand laptop, like I said in my previous article, nothing fancy as long as it can work and deliver the goods and performs, functions and operates well, I’m good! Feb 7, 2022 Image: Pinterest Oh there is a catch! While I write articles and earning BCH, oh no! Its not easy! I don’t even know if today’s article will be good enough read but at the end of the day I can only hope for it and improve my writings. And I am truly glad I do a lot of improvement for the past months. Notingly amazed that I am more paid compared to my elder sis writing, to think she’s been doing that all her life! So, I am really grateful and will continue to support the platform. In the coming days, will do some articles about ENGLISH grammar to help those struggling to write in English. Just something I can return back the good the community has done for me! oh! I will keep this goal posted! Thank you again for reading. God bless!

Ambiguity in the Word of God? Two contradictory verses? meaning? oh! Am I going for a discourse here? I'm merely a simple Christian trying to get thru the verses I am hearing every day. And I don't mean to offend any scholarly people here because I am not licensed to make an official, just thoughts from a widow who only longed to understand the context and simplify it to layman’s term for MY understanding. I am letting go of etymology, leaving it for the scholars to discuss further since I really don’t want a scholarly and academic discussion. Not the least to say, a lot of contradictory verses, that often confuses readers. I only mean to make a decent discussion perhaps with myself and some audience?! Remember, these articles can be downloaded for future reads! Oh! I have a growing audience, I'm not loving it thought nor proud of it. **Matthew 7:5** **You hypocrite!** **First** **take** **the** **beam** **out of** **your own** **eye,** **and** **then** **you will see clearly** **to remove** **the** **speck** **from** **your** **brother’s** **eye.** https://biblehub.com/greek/5273.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/4412.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/1544.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/3588.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/1385.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/1537.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/4771.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/3788.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/2532.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/5119.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/1227.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/2595.htm https://biblehub.com/greek/80.htm ****John 7:24 KJVS [24] Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.**** Reading it so many times, I really don’t see any difference at all. They are written differently but same message goes. Written in different perspectives. Mark and John are two different persons and basically would convey messages differently but not contradictory. **“One way of understanding the great differences in the Gospels is to look at them through the modern lens of marketing… The intelligent marketer would craft the message in ways that explicitly communicate to the desired audience. The four Gospel writers were no different. They had a story to tell and a message to share, but they also had a definitive audience to which that message was intended.” ( The difference between the four gospels, Rev. Dave Rogers)** Do I need to say more? In plain words, marketing Jesus with target audience. Mark’s statement are more direct, calling or addressing directly “hypocrites!” while John euphemizes “the appearance”. There is not much of a difference if you really look at it. So to put this bluntly “a hyprocite really judges a person without minding his own action which is either just as unclean or more” while the other one implores “people uses appearances, pretends someone righteous by making elaborate display of their goodness on center stage while what they do at back stage is extremely abhorable, so extreme diligence and precaution should be duly exercised and at the same time, when we judge it will be of no pretense”. So, what's the difference? Really? Just how it is conveyed. People should be able to see through “there are wolves dress in sheep coats” on both side of course. I think this is so as the proceeding scenarios on John is a woman accused of adultery. **John 8:**  ***3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group*** ***4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.*** ***5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.*** ***Now what do you say?”*** ***6 They were using this question as a trap,*** ***in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.*** ***7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone*** ***at her.”*** Bottomline is, people find things written in the bible to suit their cases. But I love how Jesus reveal their true intentions, "Then cast the stone first those who have not sinned.", well, Jesus is really amazing. The Bible has nothing vaguely stated there, nothing ambigious. Everything is black and white. The problem actually lies on how people uses the bible to shield themselves. Many of those who judges others by claiming "good judgment" actually hides the true self, perhaps the most notible reason is that they're trying to compare themselves of the evilness of the people that surrounds them. Living in the basis of doing lesser evil? Shouldn't be. If we really put Christ into our hearts, we shouldn't find any justification in our righteousness instead we should just do as exactly what is written, no excuses! Like in the 10 Commandment it is clearly stated that "thou shall not commit adultery". Then what constitutes adultery? Married with sexual relationship with single, or even the mere sexual thought is already enough to constitute the act. Then I find people justifying it through "divorce", but the reality bites, it was permitted to divorce but has to live in celibacy or be reunited!? Just my thoughts. God bless.  Jan 22, 2022 Image: Pinterest **1.     The difference between the four gospels** **Rev. Dave Rogers** https://www.currentargus.com/story/life/faith/2019/01/26/difference-between-four-gospels/2677881002/   2.       http://www.gettoknowthebible.net/bible-questions/what-is-the-purpose-of-four/index.html **to them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.**

Work and Working Conditions Hello everyone! The Covid-19 series is never ending and its becoming not deadly but an imposing inconvenience for everyone especially the emergence of newer variants that a booster is as of the moment “encouraged” but will eventually become a need. Keep safe everyone and take a lot of fluids and vit c to strengthen immune system. Well… I will not hide the fact that I am angry! I really am very considerate despite my strong tone. Really? Personal convenience? No mother in the world will pray for her kid to be sick! And for all the times, I just called in for an emergency this year twice, last year none and now its being shoved to my face as personal convenience? Hahaha! I’m back writing with almost the same tone as my original composition. I am so sorry, I am really just pissed. I mean who would have thought and think it through just for my own personal convenience?! I already compromised personal convenience for the past 5 years in accepting graveyard shift because nobody wanted it. And now? (sigh)!!! Ok, work. Everybody grows up and be an adult all our lives. Then, we go work to earn for everything else we need and if there are so much extra, wants. Many of us choose to shove it down our throat amidst all the inconveniences and the stresses work gives because we are in NEED and many of those on Rank does take advantage! Oh yes! Too many, only a few does but I also cannot disregard that there are pasaway employees too but there are more good employees than those pasaway! To those who went through dark ages as they grow up, witnessing the perseverance either their mom or dad, sacrificing personal convenience just to be able to provide for their children, food on the table & medical insurance and other perks of working. Those years when people really struggle due to grievances against management –the distinct difference between rank and file employees. Those years where UNION days were so in and there are even riots where people either get injured or killed. But in the years passed by, it has changed drastically. Many companies already offer the convenience of working nowadays, even to the extent of “working-from-home” set-up – not just because of COVID-19 but it was actually enhanced. However, there are people with old mindsets still. And they haven’t really figured it out that people nowadays will rather find alternative means that give up on themselves! Surrendering to the stress of working just because in need is not really the trend these days because people finally realizes that living is better that give up on it! And there are a lot of ways to earn even without a permanent jobs. True, a lot of people in my country is jobless because of COVID 19 since a lot of establishments had closed because of it but it doesn’t mean its hopeless! Like if we have AMERICAN economy where I can go for 3-4 jobs all part time, I don’t mind… What? Utility worker? No, I wont mind and be humbly employed with several jobs a day and pays well. Really? Like only 4-6 hours work and almost equivalent to how much I’m paying now? oh no! I wont mind! Why would I? To enjoy just 4-6 hours work is luxury and almost the same pay… of course! Its really just a matter of perception. I wanna retire early too! I don’t wanna die because of stress, life is too beautiful for that. And besides, people are more perceptive these days! They know now how to make money work for them and not work for money! Its not true to all but it can be learned. Hmmm! I’ve stayed for 10 years perhaps its time to take the next calling for “my own boss” thing. It sucks to be subjected to such conditions, it feels like a blackmail for me to stay because i have no choice, else be unemployed -with children to feed!?Oh no! I gotta start planning… mind set is already good since last year, push is already in, motivation is at work. Thanks for reading and for all the inspiration @rebeysa85 ! God bless! Jan 20, 2022 Image: Pinterest

A word to be honored, not in horror! Hmmm... I was sweet talked to transfer from the provinces to the city! I am reaping the benefits of course, one of those is convenience. Time difference really matters as it really has direct impact on my health. Arggg! The hope is really high and it is all my fault to honestly believe that my shift will change if I did go along the plan! Honestly, I feel deceived because my intents were true and I have been honest. I am a worker and don’t have any political inclination that he has to make such absurd promises. We are not in a political arena that we need to deceive each other just to gain leverage. He is my boss and I am his staff, just that. Now, I really don’t feel the need to believe in his ridiculous discussions. All the more agitated by having earlier discussions with him that… I can’t focus anymore, I am angry! I hate it because I made a reason with bunso to transfer so we can sleep together at night. Now, I have to reward him so to make it up to him. But even with the rewards, I don’t think it will ever be ok. Yes I am angry, will be a year now in the city and up to date he hasn’t figured it out that my need is really pressing. Worst is that he is slapping it on my face that “it was my choice” to stay on this shift? Like? What? The change of schedule was done onset 2021, while he proposed for a morning shift coming mid of 2021? Ahhh? While the change of schedule was never mine but only agreed because I was left with no option… Arrggg! Frustrating. While I am really just trying to help the team by making it easy for them now it has become an inconvenience?! And pointing their fingers at me? ok… I really don’t like it people conniving to make their own convenience! I am aware the he has problems managing the team, especially on the part of everyone else seems to be submitting their resignation. Well, a sacrificial lamb? No! Its really his problem. It has been years to recall his family troubles! His wife left him because of number of reasons and primary reason his wife told me was “He is the only one right”… arrggg! And he is doing it to his team, it’s been years! Haven’t he adjusted already? The difference between us is that I don’t need to kiss ass because I really don’t have any inclination of climbing the ladder! And I am not trying to impress SALES because the more I’m friends with them the more implications of “selling leads” to them is higher and I really have no such inclinations. I am even glad that nobody ever approached me asking if I “sell leads” because integrity is very important to me! Being approached means my values and character is quite compromised which is of course a no no for me! I am only friends with SALES so I can get good favors, the small ones, small favors that they wont complain of some delays in catering their requests because the queueing is really high… just those kinds of favors, nothing more! Alright! What good is my word if I settle for something compromised? No one will believe me! Not even my boys! I am really pushed to an edge here where I really am starting to pack up my things and heading towards what @rebeysa85 put it “my own boss!”. Enough na! I don’t want to be angry anymore! Thank u, God bless! Jan 20. 2022 Image: Pinterest

All grown up aiyt?!!! Oh no! they boys are big already. Who would have thought that I’d be wearing their sneakers to work? Yes! my 12 and 8-year-old, both their sneakers I borrowed to go to work on dress down month! I never expected, everything is small for them already. They need a wardrobe upgrade! Oh no! mommy, you have to work even harder! They’re all grown up now! Wardrobe upgrade would also mean I also have lots of baggy t-shirts to wear! Hihihi! Oh, the boys don’t mind sharing their t-shirts… Its really not that I don’t have, I just feel nice wearing their things. Not so long ago, kuya told me “mommy, I’m ready for circumcision!”. Wow! Now he is already thinking of his own. Almost thinking like an adult already, cant wait to really grow up and take his time. He flaunted he already has about 8 girlfriends, though online, but who would have thought? In this covid times, children will be very actively engaged? All the while I am happy and content knowing him to just sit there and play “mobile legends”, “call of duty” and other online games. Spends sometime to know other gamers through clan wars on “call of duty”, I never really expected his attention will be called to the “puppy love” arena. Well, many says, its too early but his father started as early as 10 and his aunt (father’s side) had a baby by 16. So? Thought its not a good justification but I believe it runs in the blood, who am I to suppress the urge? But on the other hand, it’ll help him grow. Mature in this aspect where I never really come to grow and outgrow some fetishness myself. My only premise is that he will be honest with his relationships and his activities, I will allow and not restrain. Anyway, I’m slowly fading away so best if he slowly flips his wings and fly. Learn while I am still around to help him get on his feet. While bunso… hmmm… he is still not ready for circumcision but perhaps after his 9th birthday. I only think that if I force it, it will not be good for him but I think by that time he will learn to outgrow it. Like everyone will take on the right of passage when ready, so I just let him take his time. Oh kids! They’re only kids for a short time then they’re all grown up all our lives. Its true they say, they all grow up so fast. No regrets though, I have my time with them and they ought to be independent after a while with me. I could only pray their safe passage in this lifetime. Mine? Dreams come and go but the rest is truly just to pray and wait. There are people who make their own destiny and really made it that far but in the end a defeated purpose. Many ended up a broken shell in their lifetime. If I could only shield them from that, yes I would but… its their life, so they have to make the decisions by themselves. I can only able them to make wise decisions and comfort them when wrong.

As we live, people will always have a say on everything?! The promise of tomorrow is nothing but a promise! Live, let tomorrow take care of itself. Jesus shows us that, right from the start. He is divine and we are not, we don’t hold tomorrow in the palm of our hands. And we’re trying to play God? Oh! It doesn’t work like that. Check out articles from these sponsors! Off for two days! What is the cost of “Joy” and “Contentment” in life? Well, virtual and non-virtual, people told me nothing in life is free! And that, you’ll never be contented! Oh really? Now I feel the danger in someone offering a piece of his mind, I really wonder the real costs of such offer! Perhaps I should say that I am too lazy to fight. However, as I grow old I realized that not everything we fight for is worth the fight. And not everything we crave for is worth the take, so ending up choosing our battles and preserve the rest? Like material things I seek in the earlier days in my life become vague and seek something more that fills in the heart in the later days, which is why I am so glad to have children. Not because they are the most fulfilling aspect in my life but rather they put a goal in my heart. Taking care of them humbles me in every way. Taking into account that its not easy to raise them. And of course in the passage of time they grow and no matter how much careful you have in raising them, they always pick up some pieces by the road that influences them to either go astray or straight down the road. You cant help it but be ready for other people to criticize you on how you rear those children, this actually is not easy. Mothers solemnly shed tears and anxiety over this matters as if it was easy to just feed our children all the right things and concepts in life, wouldn’t life be magnificent? But lo! No, we can’t. They need to know what a vice is? What addiction is? How strong and weak they are in resisting the temptation? Sex? They need to know that too! Knowing what it is? Between becoming a lover of carnal pursuits or preserve until the right one comes? The consequences it bears along the way, they have to learn this too as it has fatal blow to one's over all health. Its prevalent now the spread of HIV, no one really knows who is infected and it will be just a shocking thing, one day you'll wake up having it?!!! In as much as we want to shield and protect, our children need to grow and learn, that they have to pick up themselves along the way and start over again. All we can do is pray and wait and be there to console their wailing heart. Most of the times we mothers take the blow. Now we see moms in the news trying to make a life of their own because they know, at the back of their mind, no matter what they do, they still get the criticism not the credit. So they might as well enjoy life since they’re still alive. Its really just a choice, either you end up martyr or loose end. Now, I am faced with another criticism… See, it never ends! People will always have their say! Hayst! (sigh)… I left home for good this time and still our father there. There isn’t really much I can do about that as I am not the only sibling left. What is important is he is not homeless. He is just alone in the house our eldest sister built for our parents and sad no one wants to live in it. To sacrifice another decade? No, he can carry on what he wanted with the rest of his life. Mama needed someone by her side there is no vested material interest. While my father has all the means, he just doesn't have someone to spend it with, unfortunately. God bless! Jan 17, 2022 Image: Pinterest