Nardy, why me? I'm busy!

My fixation has the most out of me. Ranging from food, person, name, events… It’s crazy sometimes that it has become an obsession. Trying to get over it seems a difficult task as my mind starts to wander in all directions to satisfy the craving. Knowing all is satisfied is comfort but looking back, it’s a bit tiring that all energy is so focused on such fixation and nothing really comes out of it.

Nardy

A tall and good-looking guy, who’s been single throughout his life. I know him way back in high school -were classmates. He is intelligent with a good sense of humor and talks to everyone but me! He usually becomes silent whenever I pass by or I’m somewhere near him. Like he stops everything he does whenever I’m around near him and I never figured out why.

We met again about a decade ago when I had my 2nd child and I was already a widow. It was at a birthday celebration with one of our former classmates, his friend. His friend's love interest invited me in because all of the guests were men and she was the only lady. She invited me with my sons so to avoid the awkwardness of the situation. There he was in the crowd again. He was really thin back then, which really made me ask myself why? Though he explained several times he was suffering from hyperthyroidism but still doesn’t explain why he was not eating well. Like he stared at his the food on his plate for 15 minutes and barely touched it after staring at it.

Stalking

It’s been a year now since I noticed him stalking me. I tried messaging him about it but it is to no avail. He only read it when he feels like reading it and totally ignore it most of the time, especially my message.

The beauty of his stalking is that I never felt endangered nor did my kids. He visits us in the middle of the night. We hear his footsteps on our roof especially when we relocated to the city. He was there looking after the kids when I was at the office during the typhoon. He watched over them. I don’t know what he did the kids are actually looking up to him. He has become their idol in everything, even with their physique. They’re hooked up with him. Misses his company that they become aware of his presence passing by our new home.

Until when

Though not as frequent as in the other house, my kids notice him still. Passing by until last month. It’s frustrating for me to go through like this. Because I don’t have any idea what his interest in me and my kids. In our lives, I have tried to make it as simple as possible to keep it less complicating. But he seems to have other plans and I don’t know that.

I do worry about him coming in and out in the middle of the night. Everybody needs rest, including him. I don’t know how he finds time to sneak in and out but in the morning he goes to work. Having this much energy is a puzzle to me when I am already tired from work at the office and chores at home. Writing too makes me exhausted. Good for him, he has a lot of energy to waste!

I really pray that we’d be given a chance to settle things between us and move on with our lives as we deemed it too! I want this to rest, to address the pressing concern about his health and safety. While I will be living in security in the comforts of my home. No more worries about anyone lurking in the dark, watching me. It's very unsettling.

June 06, 2022
Image: Pinterest