Life's Lesson: Everything has a reason, -a purpose… they say!

Me… I grow up fighting… from things I need to want, to keeping people at my side. It’s not because I want to but rather… 2nd born, I never felt that I was welcomed. Starting from the womb, my mom had troubles. Crossing that troubled waters was hard for her. She had a hard time during my time despite of course I wasn’t giving her any difficulty. Bottom line was they had their problems, mainly financial and my dad was unsympathetic while my mom was drowned into post partum.

I am not sure how and when I started fighting. My mom said that even at her womb, I have this wild reaction when somebody messes with her and cause trouble. Based on her narration, during infancy, I rarely demanded anything nor cried out loud – so her life was really easy with me that time. Guess, truly indeed a purpose? I was given to her at that time when she needed someone the most. To fight with her when spirits were down. I was the child that came about at that time when she’s at the breaking point. Easy to handle and could be resilient to anything she was dealing of. That was the purpose she had me in her time. And for all time, yes, our journey together thru the end…

I grow that way, though I wasn’t looking for affection but human as we are we look forward for connection. I… became who I am, fighting for just about anything I have in life. Never giving up even if and no matter what. I always give it a fight. So I am used to fighting my way in and out. So when my husband died without me knowing he was already ill, they all said “it’s all for a reason”, - a purpose… at that time, I couldn’t relate. I have always negated that reasons they gave me because for the first time I was not allowed to fight.

A decade after, I have finally come to a point of understanding. The reasons behind his immediate death, that I was not allowed to react that time but watch and witness him die. That I was watching him die right in front of my eyes, never noticed anything nearing death. I was just made to accept it all, -his death. No room to question it or grieve, just accept –automatically without questions. I would have moved heavens and earth just to have him another day!

I never actually thought that this day will come, to finally have my answers! Oh! Not that I was thrilled with excitement but rather its most awkward… why? He plucked him off my life with no reason at all because he gave us our joy! And if he was alive, an overlapping discipline would confuse my joy all the more. He gave me all the reason in the world to enable me to shape my joy into someone he wanted him to be. Not as saintly all throughout but mold him into a MAN my husband was not. Not perfect but near or close to someone ideal. Equipping him, rearing him into a “MAN OF THE HOUSE” his father was not. Knowing how to manage his resources for himself and look out for his brother whenever I go out to work. Keeping the house, especially his brother, safe and sound. Overlooking his brother’s education and his as well. Our journey was never easy, it was a struggle but somehow it made our bond stronger. We went thru storms, together… and together we calm those storms, else we waited it through, together. We learned together, perhaps there were mishaps but we went all through it together. Thankfully, he knows money matters now and able to make his own budget. Should God take me away today, I am confident that he can manage it through, even with his brother. I can trust him with what I can leave them that I know in my heart he will make sure his brother graduates college and him as well. Even with great effort, I know in my heart he will, make sure of it.

Now we are facing a new challenge and telling him that our finances are very much affected with my youngest sister’s financial difficulty… he could only sigh and willingly adjust. Having all these, it is way easier. Simple and easy, living through the difficulty of times and not complain. Each day we are learning, learning to cherish each other and appreciate what we have together, is something I am looking forward off.

Yes, I have “what ifs”. But the answers doesn’t weigh much as it was before. Yes, he will be alive and with us. Hubby can see him through times but his ways of disciplining, will totally alter our joy’s current temperament. And this is actually the answer that satisfies to my question “why?”. I’m not dumbfounded but rather at awe! I would never had imagined.

This just the main reason why hubby was plucked out of my life. Had God given me the chance to plea, pray and reason, I wouldn’t achieve this goal. Indeed, there is a reason as to why the changes in our lives. A greater reason for those “forcible” change, especially when no reason is suitable that time of change. You, anything similar? Wanna share mine, so anyone would read and undergo such change, he will find something worth noting and wait until the reason will serve itself, -in time. Thank u and God bless.

April 30, 2022
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