What I feared the most these days? Oh, oh! Honestly? It’s going into relationship. Something I have kept into the depths of my mind because I don’t want others to know.
Relationships
It’s a construed reality that we all fall into a realm where people interact and attract. It’s foolish not to acknowledge and many times attraction is strong and sometimes there to stay. And most oftentimes hopeful to last, may even thought of forever –dream on! Why am I afraid? I’m not afraid of the pain but rather fear that I have grown so much in my faith and had so much and in an instant, backslide! Yes, I am afraid, to humble myself again in this plight because I’d really love to learn once and move on. And true, I will not be all too proud that despite of prayers, there is still a part of me –the tendency to backslide, this I what I am afraid the most. I don’t mind bending on my knees once again but if I were to start another relationship, may not be a perfect “You and Me” but at least it will be aligned with what I have learned with faith all these years. Another years of cleansing, waiting for another cycle for it to end, I’d like my children – my boys, to witness a relationship that starts right. Although many will be all be too loud about “once saved, always saved?”, I wouldn’t count on that since everyone has the tendency to backslide. I don’t want to lose and be drifted away from my faith, because I know living away from the grace of God is the darkest part of living and… I definitely don’t want to spiral downward. Which is why I left that all behind me and chose to be alone. Living alone and rely on God's grace for almost everything. Life is never easy but strife is almost just like a dust in the wind that drifts away without much ado! Oh, yes! God never let it stays for long. There may be dark days but the memory doesn’t linger and the pain doesn’t matter the most. I want it to grow in God’s loving presence, in our house and in our relationship. In love and in truth, takes a lot of growing in grace, -a lot of effort in knowing my Lord Jesus. Living to know Him is a very… simple but difficult. Difficult because the world we live in is material, inclination to material world is far simple that obtain spiritual bliss. Why? Because materialism is real, while spiritual bliss is an abstract, can only be perceived by the heart and mind of the bearer who sought to fill in the gap in there! Though, seeking it is abysmal and evokes contentment –material satisfaction is always easy to perceive but insatiable.
Worry?
What do I have to worry about? Relationship? Oh no! He has been waiting for a decade for this to happen and why should I worry about it? Its not that I don’t know what’s in store for me… It has been revealed. So, why fret? When tomorrow is another day…
Thank you Lord, it has been a pleasure living under Your Grace!
Nov ,2021
It will just come at the right time. You don't need to worry about it that much.