God save me!

I ask the Lord my God to save me, from everything! It feels like I’m drowned in great turmoil that I really need his saving grace.

In a busy day, I got exhausted from everything. From the weekend feeling threatened, anxious to the point of fear, compounded every day like the anxiety is almost like a feeling that someone is about to attack me! So I asked help from God to save me, for I literally have no one else to help me!

To help me feel secure like you feel in a warm embrace telling you everything is fine, nothing to worry about. Yes, I too in a rare occasion needs assurance that everything will work out. When everything seems to be daunting on me to the point of suffocation. Yes, those moments. That anxiety is overwhelming and I can feel fear engulfing me right to the point of no return. Like I want to curl to my knees, embracing myself because something is really coming! Yes, an intuition like this is really scary and crazy.

Yes scary! It cripples me knowing something is up and have to “figure out what”? “Figuring out what” is what makes it scary and crazy, -good if there was something I know, its crazy when I’m clueless! You have to relentlessly think over the “what happened/what ifs/what’s wrong”?, is really terrifying. My case, oh, frightening that trembles my whole being. Shivering like I’m having a fever, cold on the extremities, I am still shivering over the feeling even if I were wearing a sweater with a hoody… That’s what I feel right now. Bad isn’t it?

Yes, that’s why I have asked God to help me – save me! From this terrible feeling coming from unknown! There is no problem fighting for a known cause but when it’s unknown, I just feel like helpless! I have no one else to share it with so I ask God. I can’t share it with the little one, he too will feel it which I don’t want to!

Well, it does a lot of fixes. Monologue (prayers) does a lot of fixing which I am grateful because my “peace lily plant” was flowering without me noticing it. Truly, it give me an immediate sense of peace! While at it, I took a nap so I can go to work with ease. Then suddenly I wake up from a dream, I feel like missing mama and indeed I am. Her presence does make things alright at some point. Then I sleep again, then another wave of anxiety hits me! This time from a ghost that’s been haunting me for 2 two years now. And I have declared to God “I surely won’t fight him anymore!”. Unfortunately, my playlist plays his song after that, following a good relief?! Oh! The heavens is talking!

FYI… I am living alone for 3 years now, -my 1st 3 years living on my own with my kids. I have cut communication with my father and other siblings, except our youngest because the relationship has become too toxic since mama’s demise. Although, I live with them all my life, I’m not the kind to share all these emotions with them. I do my monologue (prayers) all the time so everyone knows! They see me talk to myself a lot. Shhh, I’m actually praying! Lolz. Sorry, but this really works for me all the time! And here I am again, hearing his song... Timely? Hayst! Really, I'm don't mind you don't believe but this is really too much of a coincidence. Just saying my story! Enjoy...

August 18, 2022
Image: pinterest