Exhausted, can’t wait for a fresh start!

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2 years ago
Topics: Free write, Journal

The year is nearing to an end. Only 42 days left for Christmas and about 7 more weeks and its 2022. Its supposed to be a brand new year, a brand new life but it feels like my life force is draining. Its leaking from somewhere I don’t know.

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Year End Plan

2021 is a year I planned to pay all debts incurred last year when COVID 19 hits the country and little did I expect or anyone else that the cost of the pandemic was almost as devastating as many had lost their jobs in the process. Ironic as it seemed that on the start of the pandemic, government resource was still on its heights but as the pandemic continued and surged, little by little government assistance became scarce. I didn’t benefit from it though, despite unemployment from 4 months and that strucked me for a contingency plan. I could not afford anything close to that again.

Then unexpected news. It was a pain knowing my friend got cancer, stage 3, in the middle of the pandemic. She was not around but all the anger and fear coming out from learning she was sick, it shook her world and could only utter “she had a good cry” to assure me she was alright. Lately, last September, her prognosis finally came and it wasn’t anything near good but worst, -she can die anytime. Who wouldn’t be torn apart with that news? With her little one and ate, she finally broke out telling she didn’t feel near death! This was more draining than I ever expected.

Something positive comes up. Read.cash and Noise is later introduced to me by a colleague and took my time to re-invent myself. I had been in a cage for so long I needed to run along and do something new. And fortunate enough to attract Rusty’s attention and happily earning something that really helped me a lot with some few extra cash! Oh how grateful I am with the opportunity. Not only that, but grow in many ways in my 2 months with read&noise, I found friends and share life with all its follies and sadness without judgment.

Unwanted Attention, oh this, is just too much! How can I possibly attract attention when I rarely dress up and make myself available for anyone except my dying friend. (sigh) I already tried ignoring him but every time, he just reminds me he exists - argg!.

Year Ends comes a new chapter

Year end is nearing and I’m as anxious as hell for all of these to end, especially the unwanted attention as it doesn’t do me anything good but distraction. While I do look forward for the debts to be paid off, I want a fresh start on finances, rebuilding and reconstructing. There isn’t much I can do with what happened in the past but I can definitely do something for our future. All this musing really got me exhausted that despite acquiring new hobbies – reading and writing, it really leaves me in almost total exhaustion. Anyway, at least I have some fresh start to look forward in the next 8 weeks and still hooray to me! Wish me luck!

Thank u, and God bless!

Nov 12, 2021
Image from Unsplash

 

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Comments

Aww, that's sad. I hope your friend can survive.

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2 years ago

I believe your friend will survive and I wish you luck my friend.

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2 years ago

Lets keep praying for your friend recovery. There is no impossible with God.

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2 years ago

I and my family will include your family and your friend in our prayers. Life is full of challenges, pray and don't lose hope. God is with us always❤

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2 years ago

Everything's gonna be alright, just don't lose your hope. But I really wish your friend can still survive.. let's just pray.

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2 years ago