Anxious me...

I have been absent here for days. I don’t feel like a rant but I want to write my story out, to let it out of my system. Lolz. I have a unique way of taking out my discomfort through saying it out loud, so I monologue a lot and writing too became an outlet. What I don’t understand is, a sudden surge of anxiety hit me over the weekend which I still don’t understand because there are still traces ‘til this point. It isn’t really that bad until today which peaked.

It’s more of the uncomfortable feeling like someone is about to attack me! Like something is coming so horrible that I want to run and hide. The last time I felt this was years back when I was really young and mind you literally, I really hid under the table (at the office) and brace myself until I regain composure. One of the days, that fear is really real for me!

It’s not that I overthink. It’s mostly intuition. I have resolve most of it, it came from my son who was told to move out from our house because he had to stay at our provincial house because no one will be there for the coming days. My son is already dependable to the point that he can man a house, which is why I am confident with him leaving us. He come home this afternoon to tell me. I feel bad because this is just one of the days, when he is gone! Furthermore I am concerned because I just enrolled him and living in the province is too far, so transferring is one thing I am considering which is tiresome at some point. My only concern is that “how long is this going to be?” so he doesn’t need to transfer, right?! This is one of the days when they give him money and fuel his “feeling independent” times, this is actually a struggle for me. Although, I don’t mind giving him independence though as he has to learn “how the world runs”… Perhaps, this is just me – my possessiveness. He has to grow up though.

My other concern is leaving my 2nd son alone while I go to work at night. Though he is dependable as well but unlike with kuya, but you will never know what happens in the middle of the night. Then if this continues, my other problem is taking him to school since he is not yet adept in crossing roads especially highways. Although I already thought of the resolve but still I am anxious.

Kuya’s absent does present a lot of opportunity for the little one but like any mother, I believe we all relax knowing that everyone is in the house! Ayt? Mothers, should I say! Live in the comforts of a home where everyone is present! Good week to every one! Love lots… Thank u.

August 19, 2022
Image: pinterest