The Dark Side of Introverts

Introverts are known to be independent, intelligent, and creative. Although I'm just a portion of those traits mentioned.

I can say that I am independent because I can do things on my own. I solve the challenges exhausting all the resources and possibilities on my own. Only then, I ask for help when everything doesn't work on my way already.

I can't say that I'm intelligent. Just an average one. My skills and abilities are enough to pass courses. Although I have taken the Civil Service Exam 3 times but I have not been successful all along. I believe that doesn't define entirely about my intelligence right? But that dragged my confidence to the lowest point. However, I can now managed to console myself that not everything goes according to our plans.

Creative? Not at all. In high school, art subjects stress me out in full volumes. My mind is a clean slate when it comes to art. I sucked in the artwork field.

But still, I consider myself an introvert. Most of the traits and behaviors I possess are unquestionably introversion. I learned to know more about myself and it's been amazing so far.

However, there are still downsides to being an introvert. Not all is good for us introverts most especially when we are under stress and if we need self-protection. Here are some:

Working in a team.

When working in a group setting, I always bear in mind that group works are just a source of my stress in school. It only provides drama, conflict, and arguments. Aside from this, dealing with other people is emotionally draining. That is why I prefer to work alone or if not, I'll join the people I feel safe and comfortable with.

Then again, I realized that working in a team can be powerful if handled with good communication and camaraderie.

Overthinking.

Introverts have higher chances to become overthinkers. It is because we spend most of our time for ourselves alone and we're left excessively thinking about things. Too much thinking most in the past, what actions we should have done or avoided to prevent things from happening.

It is an unhealthy habit that doesn't give good results to our mental health. If overthinking starts to kick in, I have learned to practice deep breaths, taking a walk, or even cry to release my emotions which brings me to the third dark side of introversion:

Self-depreciation.

Overthinking leads me to be more self-critical. I have become too hard on myself which pulled my self-esteem and self-confidence to 0%.

When I overthink, I start to doubt myself and think I'm not good enough.

However, I learned to be self-appreciative. From then on, my mental health has improved and it's been amazing so far. No self-doubt anymore. I mean, it still occurs but the situation is already manageable compared to before.

Bottling Up Emotions.

As for me, this is the darkest one and I have that attitude, unfortunately. I'm not proud of it. In fact, this attitude put me in harm. This played a huge role in my self-infliction. I used to bottle up my emotions because I hate confrontations. Through this, things get overwhelming and when I explode, I could harm myself or even someone by throwing negative words.

After what happened to me, I have learned to express myself by talking to someone with whom I feel safe, and recently, writing here in read.cash and noise.cash. With these avenues, my mind transforms into a calmer and peaceful state.

Pessimism.

Extroverts are known to have energetic personalities and are more optimistic compared to introverts.

Introverted people are more grounded and realistic. However, these attitudes are toxic when left unchecked which is why it is important to strike a balance between being positive and realistic.

Loss of Identity.

When I'm around with groups or social gatherings, it always seems to me that I'm absorbing each personality I interact with. As a result, I become mentally drained and things get harder to cope up when my mind couldn't bear too much information.

Introverts are most likely high-sensitive people and when talking to someone, I usually absorb his/her emotions results in me losing my sense of identity. I believe it's called empathy. It is a good thing but sometimes it gets too overwhelming that I could no longer distinguish if I'm still me or not anymore.

Cutting off contact.

I have not ghosted someone before though and I don't think I'll do it to him/her. When I feel like I need to self-isolate because I need to recharge myself, I make sure to inform someone so I don't leave him or her hanging.

There's someone I know who likes to ghost though. My close friend since kindergarten. She rarely replies to my messages and I don't know if how she's doing today or how the year has been to her so far. But still, I'm certain that we remain good friends. Communication may not be that active to us but I know she's still close to my heart and hers too.

Self-isolation by introverts is mostly misunderstood which leads to friendships and relationships over. The other party might misinterpret it as ghosting.

Checking up on your friends from time to time is crucial to sustaining the relationship you have established throughout the years.

Reference: Psych2Go Youtube Channel

These are only a dimension of introversion. For my readers who are also introverts, please don't take these as an attack on your personalities instead take these as an evaluation to help you learn more about yourselves.

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone. ❤