Some More Doubts, But Few Best Reasons To Go On

Previously, I talked about my doubts about continuing or quitting my endeavors for a music career. Now, allow me to talk further about some reasons that almost made me quit and some bits that made me doubt what the future will happen.

Here are some more things that scare me a lot these days.

Failing to make a living out of music.

Ever since he embarked on his musical journey years ago, Gifter had a fantasy scenario that he could quit his day job and just play music every day while earning a living out of it.

Though he is perhaps, the most resilient pursuer you could ever come across in terms of working hard to achieve his dreams, such a scenario didn’t happen – because he diverted his attention to other things like working on his TESDA licensure and novel writing.

His love for writing is what actually brought him to some online platforms, Read.cash is among them, apparently. Though he loves to teach and write, his love for music far exceeds those. That’s why he does his best these days to bring us closer to that scenario where we will do nothing but play music, record songs, and earn a decent stream of income.

I truly admire Gifter’s optimism and hard work for all of this. Deep down though, I have these questions: What if we fail to make a living out of music? What if Gifter’s hopes for us going professional is just some fantasy?

Asking myself these questions each day makes me reflect and doubt if we’re truly in the right direction.

Dealing with lustful encounters.

One of the scariest things Gifter told me during his gigging days with his previous bands is this: some of his female music associates were often approached with indecent proposals. As his one and only female music associate these days, I greatly fear that it might happen to me too.

Now don’t get me wrong. I know I’m not the “gorgeous-voluptuous” type of female musician that you might often see performing in music bars. If you’ve seen some of my photos, you can see that I’m just a very average-looking woman, who looks like a girl in his mid-teens, I might add.

Gifter told me, “Even the ugliest musicians can become the most attractive entity for the audience. An average-looking girl like you could become the sexiest female in the room if you can project your talent compellingly enough.”

Even as a guy, Gifter had plenty of experiences being approached by female audience members… which gave him some considerable “one-night stand encounters” already. There were times when he said no, but he didn’t deny that there were times as well when he couldn’t resist, because well, he’s just human.

Getting poisoned by nightlife culture.

Basing his assessment on his previous experiences, some of those average-looking female musicians that Gifter has associated with in the past had experiences with people who approached them for some “indecent activities” – if you know what I mean. Some of these incidents could be for money, and some of them were just for pure fun.

Now such facts made me ask, Could a time come when I’d get poisoned by the “nightlife culture” the way it poisoned Gifter before?

These days though, I can sense that he is now a changed man. Throughout those 6 months that we became close, I never noticed any hint of “sexual undertones” in his actions towards me.

But if we do get to be regulars at music bars in the next months, could he protect me from those male audience members from luring me into some lustful encounters?

Why I decided to still go on.

Though Gifter and I mostly had our instruments in our hands every time we meet, there were times as well when we do nothing but talk and strategize about how we will further pursue this music career we hope for.

He would often ask me, “Are you sure you really wanna do this? Are you sure you don’t want to go back to the corporate world anymore?” Before I’d give my answer, he would paint pictures in my mind about what awaits us if I decide to go with him in that direction he was heading.

I remember a particular moment when Gifter stood at the terrace of my grandma’s house (our favorite session hall), facing the gate, and exclaimed loudly, “Hey, I’m Gifter, and this is Jeaneth, and we’re here to rock this place!”

Right at that moment, I hallucinated a bit about thousands of people shouting and cheering for us as we play the songs that we wrote and polished very religiously.

I’m having this strong feeling that if I do choose to stick with Gifter, I might just… become somebody, and be able to walk on that “path to greatness” that he dreamed of walking for many years already.

There might not be plenty of money in this… but this is so much fun. And for what it’s worth, this is the thing that I truly, truly love doing! Isn’t that huge enough as a reason to go on?

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!