Growing up, making friends didn't become an issue to me. Sort of. Well, when I was in high school, I easily made friends by joining clubs and organizations.
Through this, I considered a sense of belongingness to my peers. However, this group of friends I had was the closest of my close friends. We became best buddies the entire high school year.
When I entered college, I met a new set of friends. My friends in high school still keep in touch but the fact that we no longer see each other that often, the friendship slowly fades away. The bond was no longer there and everyone was already busy with academics.
Meanwhile, in college, I met new friends and they became my best companions. We share snacks and lunch, and we also share answers in activities and exams. Gladly, we were all able to graduate.
Reality kicks in and so we separate ways and have our own paths to take. The group chat which makes noises every day slowly became a room full of dust and loneliness. Everyone was already busy with their jobs. Special celebrations were forgotten.
2019 when I had the darkest moment in my entire existence. I felt like I was left alone. Nothing seemed to matter. I lost the sense of purpose. I hated myself. It was like everyone around me was having fun and enjoying the times of their lives. Then there's me looking at them from afar.
However, God gave me the signal that he's there always. It's just me who walks away from him. I didn't feel his presence when it seemed to me that I was living in darkness. That's when I realized that I was only looking at one corner of the room when there are 4 in total.
It meant to me that when life feeds you doubt, always remember that you will have the options. You are free to make choices. There are four corners of the room and one corner may provide you an easier way to get out of the darkness.
When I was recovering, persistent dark thoughts always bothered me. Every day was a constant battle. When I see something sharp, my mind would think to self-harm and remind me again of why didn't I stab my chest. I dealt with it for so long. Although, I still have these thoughts come out rarely but I can bravely shoo them away and handle them with power.
I have managed to pass this through with the help of my extreme support system. They have always been there with me. It was just me who didn't acknowledge them. It was all my fault. I became too selfish and got consumed with my negative thoughts.
Now, I can say that I'm stronger than ever. I may experience darkness sometimes but I'm certain that God will provide through his light.
I just recently watched a kdrama series entitled Live and aside from the great storyline, it has epic soundtracks too. They had great song choices to accompany along with the series. One favorite song I listened to was the song In Your Light by Jon Allen.
At first, I really thought it was Rod Stewart because he sounds like him. Then again, the message was all about companionship and trust that even though they are not there for each other physically, they are living with their lights.
On a deeper meaning, I took this as a message that even if you don't feel God's presence, most especially when darkness takes over, please remember that God is ALWAYS doing work in your life. Sometimes He may be behind the scenes, and you may not feel it right away, but he is there.
I just joined @JonicaBradley's prompt series for this week using the word “Darkness.”.
If you want to join, here are your guidelines in joining:
Write an original article about the prompt: Darkness
✓ At least 600 words.
✓ The topic must be your original content.
✓ Don't forget to tag @JonicaBradley
Thanks for reading.
Keep safe everyone ❤