An Open Letter to God

Since it's the end of holy week, I will take this time to reconnect with God. I feel like this is the perfect time to reflect and gather my thoughts in life intently. I pray everyday, before I go to sleep and after I wake up. However, lately, I must admit that my prayers are only for the sake of "praying" and were not done wholeheartedly.

There are times when I feel lazy talking to God and question about his goodness. My prayers feel like for a compliance only. I repeat the same context of my own prayer everyday and night and sometimes I wonder if God gets tired or bored with the same pattern of prayer I have with him.

Nevertheless, here's my open letter to God:

Dear Papa God,

Thank you

Hi there. It's me again. First of all, I wanna say thank you for the everyday blessings you have given to me. Waking up every morning is such a huge blessing that not everyone is given by your grace. This gives me an opportunity to live life with my own choice, an opportunity to maximize every bit of time you still give to me.

I thank you for your understanding and patience. Thank you for keeping me and my family safe. We may not be healthy all the time but through your grace, we're able to recover. We may face challenges from time to time but you're there to help us get through them.

Sorry

Papa God, I am asking for your forgiveness with guilt. I keep doing the same action and I'm not sure or if you do get tired of the same statements I confess to you every single time. I know it's a choice to not do it but for some tempting reason, I still do it. I am always guilty on this. Such a shame.

I apologize for doubting your goodness sometimes. That specifically happens when I think everything doesn't go according to my plans. Yes, I acknowledge you. I know you're there but there's a part of me holding back why I don't trust you. Maybe because of the uncertainty that I face today, that I don't feel genuinely happy of my life right now, that I am still on the verge of searching for satisfaction.

And I know in times like these, that's when I should trust you the most. That I should surrender everything to you. However, as realistic as I am, I should make my own actions too and your guidance will be my weapon in facing such trials.

Requests

Papa God, please keep us away from danger or any form of accidents. Give me patience and understanding for what I'm going through right now. Keep my family safe and grant what their desires are for.

To my friends, give them the strength that they need. Each of us are going through tough battles and there's nothing I could pray but for them to be strong and resilient with whatever they're facing right now.

This seems impossible but I pray for world peace. I really pray that one day, there will be just love that's left. No hate, just love. Touch the hearts of those who are poisoned with greed, power and rage. I pray for their inner peace.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

This is how I usually say a prayer to God. I extend my gratitude to him at first, then ask for forgiveness and lastly, say my requests to him.

To be honest, a part of me is always holding back whenever I try to believe one side to the fullest. Like, I keep reminding myself to be realistic and it seems that's how it makes me agnostic. I'm always in a constant battle of believing and doubting God, I should say.

Having said that, I should apologize to God for my inconsistent, erratic, temperamental faith to him. So that makes me a hypocrite of going to church regularly, praying to him regularly but not really trusting him fully. I feel guilty.

This open letter serves as my confession to God already. Catholics are encouraged to make a confession through the priests but I don't like the idea of it though. It feels like I'm exposing myself to someone (priests, don't get me wrong, I admire you for your commitment) I mean, it's just uncomfortable to me. Why not confess directly to God and talk to him?

If you have reached this point of reading, I appreciate you very much. So I will leave you a question, does holy week hold a special meaning to you? Or do you just carry your faith and disregard traditional beliefs?

All images are from Unsplash

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!