My experience with Depression and Anxiety

Hello again everyone. How are you? I wasn't able to post yesterday because I had a lot of things I needed to do in our house.

Trigger warning‼️ There's gonna be some mentions of depression and anxiety in this so if you're sensitive with that then it would be better not to proceed with reading. Thank you 😊

In 2018 I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Social Anxiety. I got through it thankfully my family never gave up on me and supported me through my journey from one doctor to another, they always been there. Earlier today I was browsing my notes saved in my phone because I was planning to delete some. While scrolling through my notes I found an old note I wrote. I don't remember when and why I wrote it but I'm guessing I was in a low point in my life considering what I wrote.

So I'm gonna share it with you guys. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sharing this to get pity. I want to share this because I want people who went through a similar experience to know that there is hope. There's a light in the end of the tunnel. And I hope people who reads this can feel that they're not alone and there's someone who understands. So... here it is:

"I really don't wanna live anymore. The world has gotten so dark for me. It feels like I can't be happy in any way. I've lost all hope in my life and everytime I tell myself that things are gonna get better I feel like I'm lying to myself. I don't wanna do anything. I don't wanna meet anyone. It's hard for me to get out of bed in the morning to go to school. Preparing to meet people to me feels like a battle. I've tried so hard to find my place in this world. I've transferred from school to school, shifted from one course to another just to find awhat's my purpose, what do I want to do in my life. All this time I've been trying to find answers to my questions but every single time that I try, I end up failing horribly. I'm TIRED. Not coz I'm lazy. I'm TIRED. Not just my body kind of tired. I feel a different kind of "tired". Tired of problems? Tired of failing? Tired of all the disappointments? Tired of everything? I don't know. I guess I'm tired of life in general. I don't wanna be alive anymore. why? Because it seems easier. It seems like it's the only way out of this misery. But I can't seem to do it. I can't seem to get the strength to end my own life. I don't know what will happen to me in the future. If I will ever get the strength to end my life? I don't know. Who knows? I guess no one. All I know is that I'm tired of everything."

I was so down back then and honestly I often thought about ending it all. But here I am. I'm alive and happy. We will get through life. Things will eventually get better once you realize that you don't have to be alone in this journey. Seek help and get better. Have a good day everyone and keep safe.