I'm the proud C.E.O of imagining fake scenarios. Sometimes I cries over those sad things which had never happened to me and sometimes I laughs over those romantic & happy moments which also had never happened to me and I'm sure these moments will never take place as well.
I loves to make my own realm made of my weird imaginations and thoughts and it seems I'm the only Queen of this realm. Let me share one of my weird imagination.
I'm that kind of girl who wants to get married & thinks about the life after my marriage but whenever my parents start to talk to me about my marriage (I'm 20+ , it is pretty much normal age to get married in our country) I always refuge their request in a brutal way. But deep down, I'm fighting with my own self coz I want to get married because of the increasing pressure of my society where a 20+ girl can't study farther and on the other hand I want to continue my studies as I feel happiness in this thing and I wants to become a successful, independent person. That's why I always try to balance my pressurized kind my imagining fake scenarios . Am I weird , I think so but you can't blame me for this.
I'm an ambivert kind of person in actual but the extrovert side of mine always try to conquer the introvert side of mine but unfortunately my Happy, cheerful personality and extrovert side of mine always end up with lots of heartbreaks, unbearable pains and uncountable sorrows given my others.
I expect plenty of things from everyone, their care , their love, their kind words and in consequence I always hurt my own self. This is the worse side of mine which I badly want to change but currently I'm unable to doing so but I am hopeful that I will be able someday to change this.
I always wanted to hold the mesmerizing first position without studying 😅 and luckily somehow I managed to top each and every class. I used to sleep next to my notebooks, books coz I was accustomed to believe that it will help me to obsorb the knowledge of my books, after a couple of years, eventually I realized how childish I was back then... I did know about the term 'Osmosis' that time but still I used to believe something magical will happen if I continue to sleep next to my books.
Now, I do not crave for that charming first position, it seems I'm loosing my interest in everything. Now I can't shape all my thoughts, imagination like before as I used to do. Now I can't concentrate at anything, after surrounding with lots of happiness and peace still I do not feel those happiness and peace. Now, I feel breathing is also a burden for me. I can't do anything those things which I wanted & want to do but after all these things still I'm hoping for a better life.
Nowdays, we all can see we are giving most of our priorities to beautiful people. Beautiful peoples ( of course I'm talking about outer Beauty) are getting more opportunities, more attention than those people who looks average or less beautiful. Now we are becoming so obsessed with our beauty that sometimes we don't even think once or hesitate before putting tons of makeup or undergoing painful surgeries and other procedures.
In this era, will people still accept me for not doing anything for our society or for showing off my real identity? I think NO, but believe me I don't care about those people who gives their attention to some reserved category. I can proudly say, I had never put on makeups except face cream which I also use barley.
I may not look beautiful according to some people but I can wash my face anywhere at anytime and still can look like before.
I barely use moisturizer or any face cream before going outside because I believe in inner beauty which is permanent & eternal but our outer beauty is temporary and it will decay over time.
I am that kind of student who doesn't like to study and at the same time who doesn't want to quit her studies too. Most of my time, I waste my time thinking and worrying about my exam but I never tried to study regularly and give my 100% efforts to my studies. I starts to study whenever I get my exam schedule. This is one of my worst habit which I don't want to remain with.
I am that kind of person who wastes most of my time thinking about her food , yeah!!! I'm a huge foodie but sometimes I don't like to eat too.
I think it is better to think about my food instead of those selfish people and back biter who never loses any chance to hurt me.
I got a plus point, I mean I'm blessed with a fit body , no matter how much I eat I never get fat. I'm neither too fat nor too thin. I can't deny that I don't gain weight coz gaining weight is pretty much normal for food lovers . If I gain weight still it doesn't not make me look fat so I'm really happy with this blessing of mine.
Well, don't laugh at me because of my weird behavior, umm!!! Don't worry You're allowed to laugh at me :-) but just a little :-|
I'm enamoured with this habit of mine since my childhood. Yeah I'm a weirdest kind of person from my childhood. I feel loved, cared, seen, heard and get lots of happiness,joys by doing this weird thing.
If you see me somewhere sitting alone, insensate or benumbed then don't think that I'm sad or hurt coz that time I'm just trying to make some pleasant conversation with myself and enjoy a special time with me. Basically, I uses to talk to myself everytime even while I'm helping my mother in cooking or I'm encountering with something I just start to talk to myself as if I'm standing in front of lots of people and they all are watching me as if I'm a big celebrity.
As I show off my introvert side to all that's why I try to keep balance with my extrovert side too by doing this kind of things.
As I have told before that I'm that kind of student who don't want to continue study and at the same time I don't want to quit my studies too.
Actually, I start reading 10-12days before my exam so whenever I feel that my syllabus is not complete yet or I will not be able to complete either so instead of worrying I simply tell to myself that "Don't worry these questions won't come in your exam, so have some fun and try to study" . I say this line just to comfort my worries self and believe me it works 😂
I want to stop my boring topic here for today but I'm thinking to write other parts coz there are lots of things which I want to say. I do not know if I am making all of you bored or not, you all can tell me about it. I have lots of things to say which are stored in my head and which I only can share here because of mischievous cousins. No matter how hard I try, no matter where ever I hide, they always do magic like something which is why they find my diary everytime and not only this they read it aloud in front of everyone and never lose any chance to make me feel embarrass. Am I allowed to cry? I can't beat them because at the end of the day I love them >.<
I'm already feeling sorry for my not so cool and non interesting confession and topic.
Thank you sooo much for bearing with me and my boring topic. Thank you sooo much for your kind support and I conditional love.
How is your day going? I assume that you all are having a great day.
Irene 5.55pm 13.01.2022 Lead image source :— U splash.com